Loving Lawson

“You said before I left that you wanted to be at the fight, and I cut you off before I let you tell me the reason,” he said, surprising me with a completely different direction of conversation. “It suddenly occurred to me a while ago, and I want to know what your reason was.”

Why did it matter all of a sudden? He went and I stayed home all alone. I pursed my lips as I thought about lying to him, but then what kind of person would I be if I wasn’t honest?

“I wanted to do something for my four month milestone,” I whispered, looking up at the dark ceiling.

I heard him shift around and let out a long exhale. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m a dick.”

“No, you just… didn’t want me to go. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to follow you everywhere you go –”

“I like having you around,” he cut in, exasperation building in his tone. “It’s not that at all.”

“Then why’d you brush me off?” I asked, my hurt feelings escaping out of me so obviously.

I willed myself to look at him again, standing straight now in the doorway, his eyes still hard on me. Even feet away I could smell him, and it twisted me how much I liked it, how much it soothed me. He’d probably messed around with a girl earlier and yet I was still yearning his company, and I felt so stupid and disgusted with myself for it.

“It was because I’d be in the way, isn’t it?” I pressed when he hadn’t answered right away. “You wanted to go off and be with whoever and not have to worry about the young, dumb pregnant girl –”

“Stop, Allie, that’s not it at all.”

“Then enlighten me.” My voice cracked and I hated that tears were falling down my cheeks.

“I didn’t know about your milestone,” he said softly.

“And if it wasn’t? Would you still have brushed me off?”

“No.”

“Were you with a girl?” The question slipped out of me again without thought, driven purely by my emotions. I needed to know.

I hated his silence. Hated the way it made my chest ache and my breath lighten. God, he really had, hadn’t he? I was angry and disappointed in him. I shot out of me bed and went at him. I pushed him back. He barely budged, watching me intently as I made a fool out of myself trying to remove him from my room. “Just go, Heath. I want to go to bed.”

He forced my hands away before pulling me to him. His arms went around me, bringing me right back into the position he’d let me go in earlier. His nose touched mine and my breathing stilled.

“No,” he suddenly whispered down to me, his breaths hitting my face as his nose nuzzled mine.

I relaxed with relief and my heart squeezed something awful.

“I was going to, though,” he added contritely.

“What stopped you?”

“What do you think?”

When I didn’t respond, he picked me up and took me to my bed, slowly placing me down. He moved too, resting his body behind mine. I held my breath, wondering what he was doing, until his burning hand touched my shoulder. I felt the heat of him behind me as he wrapped his arm around my middle. I was so taken aback by all of this, but I didn’t let my surprise show. I felt like I moulded perfectly into him, and I loved how good it felt.

My heart was beating hard in my chest and my mind tried to wrap itself around him touching me like this. When his nose started to trail the back of my neck and shoulder blade, I stopped thinking and my body centred itself on his touch. All I wanted was his mouth back on mine because what I felt when he kissed me was absolutely divine.

“You’re driving me crazy,” he let out, his voice tight and pained. “All I want to do is be around you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop imagining myself inside of you, kissing you, touching every soft inch of this beautiful skin. I can’t stop, and believe me I’ve tried. But I’d rather torture myself by being around you and knowing I can’t have you than be with some meaningless fuck that won’t touch me on the inside the way you do.”

His lips skirted along my shoulder, moving up to the curve of my neck. Every inch of me exploded in goose bumps as I relished in the feel of him.

“Tell me I’m not alone in this,” he muttered desperately.

I shook my head slightly, trembling now.

“Say it. Tell me what you feel.”

I opened my mouth but I couldn’t draw the words out. They sat in my throat, hard as rock, making it harder to even breathe. He gently pulled me, until I was on my back and his face was over mine. His mouth was inches away, his eyes peering into my own, seeking an answer.

The air felt thick around us. My whole body tightened with anticipation, but I was equally afraid. This was wrong. I knew it right then and there. I was playing with fire. No, we were playing with fire. This couldn’t happen. It would just complicate things in an unsalvageable way, yet my being came alive. I liked the feeling of him being so near. I wanted his touch. I wanted his kiss. I wanted him to keep saying what he felt about me.

“You’re not alone,” I finally managed out.

For a while, it was just this: his face over mine, our gazes locked, our mouths parted. So much unspoken words were dangling in the air around us, begging to be said. But we said nothing. Maybe we wanted to pretend this moment was simple and uncomplicated. Just two people who liked each other and wanted more without the baggage of everything else to overshadow it.

His hand touched the side of my face. He stroked my cheek lightly.

“Heath,” I breathed, looking down at his lips. I wanted them again. God, I wanted to feel them.

He was warring with his thoughts. His upper body trembled as he fought to regain control. He shut his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

“Fuck it,” he whispered before crashing his mouth against mine.

Eleven

Allie

His kiss was slow, cautious. His soft lips brushed mine over and over again. His hand cupped the side of my face as he pressed his body against the length of me. He covered all of me, burning me with need as I desperately kissed him. I gripped the back of his head, pulling him to me as my lips parted and my tongue darted out to taste him. He opened his mouth and welcomed me in, sliding his tongue between my lips, touching my own. My body hummed with delight at the erotic, languid way he kissed me.

Oh, my God.

This felt beyond good. Better than before. My hips rocked up against him, already feeling an ache between my legs. His other hand drifted down my side, cupping my hip tightly. This was escalating fast. When he spread my legs apart and ground against me, I broke free of his mouth and moaned loud and long into the air.