Loving Lawson

“Yeah,” I simply said, looking back down at my hands. I didn’t want to talk. I needed to get this pent up anger out of my system. Needed to fight, needed to fuck, needed to go back to what my life was like before her. There was no reason I couldn’t. Especially when the girl I was pining for was forbidden fruit.

Fuck, I was pathetic.

“Do you know where?” she then asked.

I sighed. “Warehouse again.”

“Maybe I should come with you and cheer you on. Would be a fun way to spend my –”

“No,” I cut in sharply, glaring up at her. “Not tonight.”

At my tone, her frame shrunk back and her excitement washed away. She simply nodded at me and watched me walk out of the bathroom and into my room.

“You can order pizza,” I curtly told her, opening the night table drawer beside my bed and grabbing a few condoms. I stuffed them in the pocket of my jeans and looked over my shoulder when I sensed her presence. She was standing in the doorway, and her eyes were on my pocket before they shot back up to mine. “I’m going to be a little late tonight,” I added tightly.

Her gaze continued to flicker from my pocket back to my face a few times, and I could see the understanding there. And the hurt. I didn’t like the feeling it gave me that she knew what I was up to, but I swallowed it down. I was a grown man. Guilt wasn’t a feeling I deserved. I’d done nothing wrong. She wasn’t mine. I wasn’t hers. We had a line that separated us from ever coming together, and I’d nuke it if I could.

But I couldn’t.

“Okay,” she said quietly, frowning now. Before I could say anything else, she turned around and took off down the hallway. I heard her bedroom door shut quietly.

I exhaled and ran my hand through my hair. Fuck! I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to spend tonight on the couch, wanted her close enough to feel her heat, listen to her laugh, watch her smile… Pretty much, I wanted to fuck her with my eyes because I couldn’t with my hands.

I’m a sick bastard.

I grabbed my keys and stormed out of there.

*

The fight was a joke. I went up against another steroid injector that was unable to hack a bit of a cardio workout. These meatheads were all the goddamn same, weren’t they? I couldn’t admire someone that took shortcuts looking ripped, so I let him have it.

I painted his face good with blood, but it was over within minutes, and I was disappointed. My body was thrumming, that adrenaline so high I was tempted to run around a block, maybe jump the prowlers on the streets who were up to no good.

Instead of storming out of there at the very end and going home like usual, I took Matt up on his offer to crash the bar. It wasn’t my scene since Allie, but I needed a way to exert my energy. I drank a bit with a few fighters and let my eyes wander the room. There were chicks everywhere, giving it up to any man that was up for a chase. I wouldn’t have to chase, and I wasn’t being arrogant by saying this. The girls loved me. I could snatch up two in one night at the same time if it was something I wanted to do.

Instead, I sought out the blue eyed brunettes, knowing damn well why that was. Surely there were prettier girls with that description than the one I was living with. Maybe if I found one, she’d snap me out of the clusterfuck I was in. Finding a girl that was single, not in love with my brother, and not pregnant by him would be gloriously easy…

But on that note, Allie’s pregnancy was doing some wonders to her body. She was getting some curves in, and I could tell she wasn’t used to the way the clothes fit, hugging her widening hips. Yet she complained about them, and I should have been irritated every time she let her insecurity show, but I was strangely eager to please her and make her see how wrong she was.

And now you’re thinking about her AGAIN, you fucking douche.

“Nice to see you out,” Matt suddenly said, eyeing me from behind his beer as he swallowed a mouth full. “Didn’t think you had it in you anymore.”

I shrugged at his remark. Ever since the bar incident, Matt was odd to be around. He was always watching me curiously, like there was a baggage of thought behind those eyes.

“It’s because of Allie, isn’t it?” he then asked.

I shot him a glare and didn’t reply. He was back on my case about that? Why was he so obsessed?

“Spending too much time with her, I think.”

“She lives with me,” I retorted. “Kind of got no choice in the matter.”

“Not sure Ryker would like it.”

I bit my bottom lip hard and avoided his gaze. Was he asking for another punch to the face?

“You trying to start trouble?” I growled out, eyeing him dangerously.

The smug ass smirked at me. “Nah, man. I’m just saying –”

“Mind your own fucking business, Matt.”

“You’re my friend, and I just want to remind you. That’s all.”

“Remind me of what?”

He shrugged and looked away, pretending to be occupied by a group of girls in the corner of the bar. Quietly, he answered, “Of what belongs to you, and what doesn’t.”

I didn’t respond. I was angry. He knew it too, because he got up and nodded once at me before making his way to a few girls. I mulled his words over for several minutes. Asshole was right.

Fuck, I needed Allie out of my head.

I gulped down a bit of beer before I spotted a girl with long black hair and pale skin, drinking at a nearby table. She caught my gaze and smiled at me.

And that was my cue.

I stood up and headed for her.

Allie

I ground my teeth and fought the tears swimming behind my eyes.

Stupid hormones were turning me into a crazy, emotional wreck.

What the hell was wrong with Heath? What had I done for him to be so cold to me all of a sudden? I knew I shouldn’t be upset. What he did was his own business. Besides, what I was feeling was wrong. He was Ryker’s brother. He was completely off limits.

I went to the kitchen and opened the pizza that was delivered an hour ago. I grabbed my third piece and stared down at the cheesy mess, seeing nothing but the look on Heath’s face when he pocketed those –

“Condoms.” I whispered aloud with a scoff. “He took condoms.”

He was screwing some girl right now. Probably one as beautiful as Tru. Hell, it was probably Tru. Well, him and Tru could ride off into the sunset and have their happily ever after, or whatever made them happy. In my opinion, I think they deserved to ride into a pit of lava and die a long, painful death.