Love Unrehearsed

I’m going to lose it if I have to pick out her fucking casket by myself.”

Why me? My caretaker gene immediately wanted to say yes but I stamped it out—quickly. “That’s something her family should do, Thomas. I know your aunt Betty would help out.”

He gave me that innocent, tilted-head look that used to melt my resolve. “So is that a no?”

“As much as I want to help, I can’t. Sorry.

That’s a no.”

He nodded at the tabletop. “I really fucked up with you, didn’t I?”

I crossed my arms. “Yes, you did.” He sort of shrugged and the gesture instantly angered me. “I hear you’ve been in the news. Dating some famous actor now?” He motioned toward my ring. “Rich, too, can afford that kind of ice. Good for you. You deserve to be happy.”

I nodded at him.

“Not gonna lie,” he said. “Right now, I’m wishing you were with me.”

I felt that like a physical blow. It was at that moment when I realized I was glad it wasn’t. Everything shifted one degree, signi-ficantly enough to make me realize that the broken man sitting before me was not worthy of my heart. Still, it angered me.

“You say that now? Don’t say that stuff to me. Not now. I gave you my heart time after time. I said yes to you when you asked me.

You were all I ever wanted. But you’re the one who fucked some girl in our bed. It doesn’t get any worse than that.”

“I was mad at you that morning,” he admitted.

I tilted the small glass in my hand, toying with the idea of tossing its contents in his face. “You cheated on me with Cheryl Regan because you were mad at me?” He nodded. “Sounds stupid now, but at the time it felt justified.” I noticed Thomas’s glare at Pete. “Justified?” The notion that I was ever head over heels in love with this idiot felt so preposterous now. “Because I had to do a favor for Pete you felt justified to bed that stripper whore on my pillow?”

“Every time he called, you ran. How do you think that made me feel?”

“He’s my friend! That’s what you do for the people you care about.”

My cell rang, playing Ryan’s song. Thomas tossed his hands up in angered disbelief when I pulled my attention away from him to answer it.

“Hey babe,” I said somberly, sickened by Thomas’s disclosure.

“Hey, hon, what are you up to?” he asked.

His rather nonchalant tone reeked of suspicion. A tingle ran up my spine. I don’t know how he knew but he knew.

I swallowed hard, knowing I had two ways to answer. I glanced at the man I once adored sitting across from me while the man who held my heart and soul as if they were precious jewels was pressed to my ear. I opted for full disclosure.

“I am sitting at a booth in the pub, having a beer with my ex, Thomas. Before you let that upset you, please know that he’s just told me terrible news. His sister passed away this morning. He’s almost finished with his beer and although I am greatly saddened by his loss and I’m very upset that one of my best friends lost her life to cancer, I imagine he’ll be leaving shortly.”

Ryan sighed as if he were holding his breath, sounding relieved. “Thank you for telling me. I love you.” His breathy declaration seemed slightly off.

“I love you more.”

Thomas rolled his eyes at me.

Ryan snickered once in my ear. “I know.

I’m sorry about your friend, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. Good. Now put the asshole on the phone.”

I handed it over. “My fiancé would like to speak to you.”

Thomas pursed his lips, reluctant to take the phone. He finally put my cell to his ear and said, “Yeah?”

Thomas smiled that sinister, toothy smile I’d also seen a thousand times. “Those are awfully big threats from a guy who’s not able to back up his mouth.”

His eyes darted over toward the bar, where an older man with a high and tight military haircut had been sitting since we’d opened. The man tucked his phone in his pocket, got up from his seat, and walked straight over to us.

Thomas leaned onto the table, wearing his cocky smile as he eyed the guy’s full height.

“Yes, I’m meeting your goon right now as a matter of fact. It’s Taryn’s bar and she hasn’t kicked me out yet, so I guess I’ll leave when I’m done. Uh huh. Is that so? Yeah, I’d like that. We can swap notes. I see. Well, I’d love to chat some more but your goon is getting antsy. Yeah, fuck you, too.” Thomas tossed the phone over to me, chugged the rest of his beer, and stood. “You may want to tell him to wait on that restraining order until after the funeral. Just a suggestion as I’m presuming you’d want to be there when my sister gets buried.” He leaned onto the table, getting awfully close to my face. “I may have done some things that I regret but I never tried to control you like that asshole is. You might want to rethink the whole marrying a control freak thing. Guys who can’t control end up being wife-beaters.”

Whoever the intimidating guy was with the military haircut, it was obvious that he was getting impatient. Thomas didn’t move, only glaring over his shoulder at him. “Touch me and I’ll bust your fucking hand.” When he returned his attention to me, I looked into his eyes, trying to find any semblance of the guy I once loved. His walls were up again and I was slammed out. This was the base truth about him. No one would ever truly have him for he was unwilling to let anything make him that vulnerable.

Ryan placed his heart in my care every chance he had.

Now that my rose-colored glasses were off, everything was crystal clear. I looked Thomas right in the eye and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

His eyes scanned my face one more time, giving me that crooked, sad smile of his. I had no doubt he’d be so drunk later, he’d sleep where he fell.

“Despite what you think,” he said, “I did love you.”

“Fucking a whore in our bed was a funny way of showing it.”

“You’re right. And I live with that mistake.

See ya round, Taryn.”

I took a deep breath as I watched him leave, relishing the fact that he no longer held my heart.

As for the new military man in my life standing a few feet away, Ryan had some explaining to do. With slightly shaky hands, I quickly texted him.