Like a Memory

“I have company I wasn’t expecting. Good thing I made extra biscuits.” Momma always made extra biscuits. She grew up on this farm feeding her grandfather and the workers. It was what she did. Having a husband and three boys to feed made her happy.

“What about tomato gravy? Got any of that?” I asked.

She nodded. “Of course I do.”

“Then I’m starving.”

She wrapped her arms around me when I stepped up onto the porch. “I miss seeing this face every day. Takes all my willpower not to ride into Sea Breeze just to see you. But you look good. You look happy.

“I am happy,” I assured her. Now if she’d asked me this time yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing. At least not honestly.

“Come inside and let me feed you while you tell me what or who has that smile on your face,” she said opening the door for us to go inside.

“I had a date last night,” I decided against telling her that I forced that date.

“Oh, with who?”

“Nate Finlay,” I replied.

She paused. “What about his fiancé?”

“They broke it off. After I quit my job. It all kind of snowballed.”

We stepped inside and mom wasn’t saying much. I knew she was thinking this through. Like Eli she didn’t want me hurt. But unlike Eli she was more careful how she handled it. I waited for her to decide what she was going to say next.

Walking over to get a cup out of the cabinet for my coffee, I was holding my breath. I wanted her to be happy for me. But I wasn’t sure she would be. This wasn’t an ideal situation. But it was what I wanted.

“Did he break it off, or did she?” mom finally asked.

“He did.”

“For you”

“No.” I replied watching her face for any hint of what she was thinking.

“Then why?”

“Because he wanted more. They were weird together. No connection. No attachment. She didn’t even seemed to care when he broke things off. It was similar to the way she acted when I quit.”

Mom didn’t fix my plate. She sat down letting me help myself. Which was normal in this house. Momma raised us to take care of ourselves. “Are you happy with him”

That was an easy question. “Very.”

She sighed and put both her hands around the cup of coffee in front of her. “That’s good. I want you happy. I want you to have it all. But I don’t want you hurt and prepare yourself this could hurt you. It seems odd for her to take the breakup that easily.”

“You don’t know what she’s like. She’s self-centered and it was never a real relationship anyway.”

Mom just nodded. “Okay.”

She didn’t go into it any deeper but I could see the look in her eyes. She wasn’t convinced. “Well, tell me all about the date. I want to know if he was everything you hoped he would be.”

He had been more. But I wasn’t telling her everything. There were some things a mother didn’t need to know. I did want to talk about him though. I wanted to smile and feel giddy. I wanted to tell her all about how it happened and how what I thought was a mistake ended up being perfect.

Nate Finlay

I SHOULD LEAVE. Bliss deserved more than what I wanted. But fuck me if I could make myself walk away from her. I’d stayed up most of last night replaying every moment in my head. It had been the best date of my life and although Bliss was the marriage, babies, and picket fence kind of girl I was still unable to leave her alone.

Hell, maybe I could do that shit. Settle down and not travel the world. Live in a small town and raise kids. If I got to have sex like that every day and hear her sweet laugh then it was worth it. The life I had planned for myself wasn’t exactly happy. It was lonely. Full of adventure but lonely.

She had me talking crazy. I stared out the window of my Grandpop’s condo and watched the waves crash on the shore. I wondered if she was here. Just a floor up in her room. If I left right now and didn’t come back how would she feel? Would she hate me? Probably. She should hate me. I’d hate me.

No. I couldn’t leave. I had to stay. See if this would be more. If this was what I was searching for when I thought, it was adventure I wanted. This could be an adventure. Bliss may travel. She may want to see things and explore places. I was assuming she wanted the slow life in a small town. I didn’t know that.

I picked up my phone. I said I’d call today. This was my moment. Did I call and stay? Or did I run and not look back? Then regret it for the rest of my life.

I pressed her saved number and waited. On the third ring:

“Hello”

“Good morning. Did you sleep good.” I could see myself in the mirror’s reflection. I was smiling. Her voice made me smile. Why would I run from that?

“Yes and you?”

Not a fucking wink. “Yeah, slept great. Have you had breakfast?” it was almost lunch time. Unless she was lazy then she’d had breakfast.

“Just left my parents’ house. Mom had leftovers from breakfast and we visited.”

She had that life. The same kind I had. We talked about it often when we were younger. How normal our lives were and how we had good parents. I was glad she had that. If she’d had sucky parents would she have survived?

“I’m available for lunch though. I work tonight.”

She would be at Live Bay. I wouldn’t have her all to myself. That put me in a bad mood. I was getting in deep if that bothered me. The girl had to work. I didn’t need to get all moody about it.

“If you’re working tonight then can I have you all day?”

There was a soft laugh on the other line. “Yes.” Her tone was pleased and I hoped that meant she liked the idea of me having her. Because now all I could think about was bending her over the sofa and fucking her sexy sweet ass.

“I’ll be back home in about twenty minutes. When do you want to meet?”

I wasn’t going to be able to eat with the need to touch her this strong. “Come to my grandpop’s condo. We’ll make plans then.”

There was a pause and a hitch in her breath. She was a smart girl. She knew what I wanted and she wanted it to. Thank god.

“Okay.”

We ended the call and I continued to stare. I had my mind on other things now. Like her body and how perfectly it fit mine. No man in his right mind could walk away from that. He wouldn’t want to.

This life . . . suddenly felt really fucking appealing. Or was it the need for Bliss’s body that was changing my mind? I hadn’t wanted Octavia this way. Sure she was a freak. I’d done some crazy porn worthy things with her. But it was different. There was a missing piece and I now knew it was that connection. The one I had with Bliss. The one I’d always had with Bliss.

Octavia’s need to fuck in public places where she knew someone might see us had grown annoying. She got off on being watched. I liked that shit at first but then she started pushing it too far. Like wanting to do it at the shop hoping Bliss would see us. I wasn’t about to go there. The last thing I had wanted Bliss to see was me fucking Octavia.

The first time she wanted to do it, we did it in the men’s restroom at a club. With a guy who walked in watching. She told me to go harder when the guy came in and she became a maniac while he watched. He’d started jacking off while watching us and that made her come. None of us were anywhere near sober but that night I was sure I could live with Octavia the rest of my life.