Like a Memory

“Fuuuck,” I groaned and my release began to roll down over a nipple. I’d never forget the way she looked right now.

She lifted her eyes to meet mine then she smiled. It was the happy pleased kind that made me laugh.

“Wow,” she said and I laughed some more.

“I didn’t mean to coat you with it,” I told her.

She beamed at me. “I like that you did. It felt good.”

I was getting hard again. Jesus, she needed to shut up. We couldn’t have sex.

“Stay right there,” I said standing up and going over to the table to get one of the linen napkins and a glass of water. She needed to be cleaned up.

When I knelt in front of her to clean her up she arched her back to let me. And my thickening dick got even harder. “I might need to let you do this,” I told her. “Because this . . . you doing that . . . I want to fuck you. .”

Her cheeks were flushed. I wasn’t sure if it was all the sucking or my words causing it but I liked it.

“Then do.”

No, no, no, no. I shook my head and handed her the napkin before moving away. “Not happening.”

I didn’t watch her clean herself. I couldn’t. Or we would be fucking.

“You don’t have to come inside me.”

She wanted me to pull out. Motherfucker I wanted to. I knew I was clean and after that blow job experience I knew her experience was limited so she was clean. But damn . . . what if? That was a chance I wasn’t sure we should take.

“Not a good idea,” I told her and reached for my boxers to get myself covered back up before the temptation was too great.

“Okay,” she finally said and I turned to look back at her. She was still naked and she hadn’t got all my come off her chest yet.

“Bliss,” my tone was warning.

“Yes.”

“Cover up. Get dressed. You don’t want to play this game with me.”

She didn’t move. “Yes I do.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I started to just leave. Walk away and send a car to get her. That was what I should do. But as I moved I was moving toward her. I jerked her up and pulled her against my chest before kissing her with all the desire and frustration she had built up in me. It was hard and too rough but she kissed back just as fiercely and I couldn’t make the right decision. I couldn’t walk away.

I broke the kiss and shoved her back on the lounger. Taking both her legs I held them open and looked at her there like that. Her eyes wide with excitement. I was doing this. When I knew, I shouldn’t. I was doing it.

The boxers I had just put on I was out of immediately and with one thrust of my hips I was buried inside her. The cry of pain and thin barrier told me something I should have figured out. I should have known. But damn she was a woman now. I didn’t expect that.

A blow job being her first was one thing but sex? The caveman took over. I wanted to beat on my chest and say “mine” but that wasn’t possible. I had to leave. She couldn’t be mine. She deserved her prince.

I ran my hand over her head and looked down at her. Tears pooled in her eyes and I knew it was from the pain. If I’d known I could have been easier. But then if I’d known would I have done this?

“Take a deep breath. I won’t move until it eases.”

She inhaled deeply and kept her eyes on me. “It’s just a little sting now.”

I moved so that the pleasure would increase and take the pain away sooner.

Her breathing became panting and I moved faster. The tightness of her virgin entrance squeezing me so hard that I wanted to blow again too soon. When she began to tremble in my arms and her eyes closed I knew her orgasm was there. I bit my tongue to keep from going off with her.

“AH! Ohgod!” she cried and I held her as she broke apart in my arms. When she was still lost in her euphoria I had to jerk my hips out before it was too late. Holding my dick, I yelled out my release as my come shot all over her thighs.

The traces of blood were there on my skin and the inside of her thighs. Mixed with my semen. Making her mine when I knew she never would be.

Bliss York

I DIDN’T LOOK different. Did I? Standing in my bathroom I studied myself. Would Eli know? Surely not. I didn’t want to talk to him about this. I touched my bare stomach and smiled. Nate Finlay had kissed me there. I had been kissed all over by him. When he’d brought me back last night he had kissed me so gently as if I might break.

Then he had said he’d call me today. What had started as a mistake or what I thought was a mistake had ended wonderfully. I had got my date with Nate and somehow I’d got Nate too. After all these years, we were together again. My heart felt full as if it could burst with all the joy pumping through it right now. I was happy. Truly happier than I’d ever been. Last night had been everything I hoped for. Had dreamed about. Yes, it hurt but the pain had eased and it felt amazing.

Even the tenderness down there this morning was nice. It reminded me of Nate and what we had shared. I didn’t really have anyone I could tell about this. But I didn’t want to. I wanted it to be our private moment. Telling a friend all about it would take away from how special it had been.

Maybe I did look different. I sure felt different. More complete. As if my body knew it had just changed dramatically. That it would never be the same.

“Got coffee made. You want eggs?” Eli called through the door.

No. Yes. I was hungry but facing Eli wasn’t something I was ready for. He would ask about last night and I’d have a goofy smile on my face. He’d know something. What if he guessed? I looked at my reflection in horror. That was not going to happen. I’d be ready to talk to him in a day or two.

But not now.

“Thanks but I’m going to see mom,” I called back. Which I hadn’t been planning on that but now it seemed like it was the only thing I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell her but just seeing her and maybe asking some sex questions and relationship questions might help. She was the only one I had to ask. That I trusted what she had to say.

“Oh. Okay. Do you work tonight?”

I did. I didn’t want to. I wanted to see Nate. But I had a job and I had to be there. “Yeah. Seven to close.”

“I’ll see you tonight then. I’ve got to work all day.”

Eli had a job working at his grandfather’s car lot. He did computer filing and handled their social media. It was an easy gig but I wasn’t jealous. He had offered me a job there too. I just wouldn’t take it. I knew they didn’t need me. I didn’t want them making a job up for me.

“Okay. I’m getting in the shower. If you’re gone when I get out I’ll see you tonight.”

I turned on the water needing to end this conversation. It was awkward because I knew he was wanting to ask me about last night but wouldn’t. He wanted me to just tell him.

This time Eli didn’t get to know everything.

Pulling into my parents’ driveway always made me feel safe. I hadn’t been moved out long but I knew this would always be my home. The boys’ community truck was gone so they had already left for school. I had timed it just right. Dad would be working and the boys were gone.

I liked to see my brothers and father but I wanted mom to myself. I wasn’t even to the door when it opened and she stepped out onto the wide wrap around porch. The smile on her face was big and beautiful just like her. I had always thought I had the prettiest mother.