Like a Memory

Should I have brought him back here? Probably not. Eli was right. I was asking to get hurt some more. But I wasn’t able to leave him or take him to his grandfather’s place, which would have made sense. I wanted him here, where I could watch him sleep. I was now venturing on creepy. Great.

The things Nate Finlay made me do. If he had any idea how I felt about him this would be humiliating. But I felt like I had kept my real feelings disguised enough. Being in love with a boy from seven years ago was embarrassing. He had moved on. I hadn’t. My life had been paused. But I hadn’t forgotten him.

Last night Eli was upset. He had gone in his room and slammed the door. I fought the urge to go talk to him. Ask him to understand and not be mad. That was what I would normally do. At least I think that was what I’d normally do. Eli had never been angry with me before. This was all very new.

Now I had a guy passed out drunk on my sofa and my best friend was angry with me. These were normal occurrences for a girl my age. It was time I lived a little. Felt the pains of growing up. Finding my way in this world.

That sounded extremely dramatic. I definitely didn’t sound easy. And Nate wanted easy. Except last night he’d said he had broken up with Octavia. I wasn’t sure I believed him since he was so hammered he had passed out. But then he had drank almost a fifth of whisky.

I curled my feet under me and took a sip of the coffee I had made. He’d be waking up soon. At least I hoped he would. It might be best if he was gone before Eli woke up. I had brought him here but what had I wished to accomplish. It wasn’t like this would be different. He had said he didn’t want me less than a week ago. I doubted that had changed.

Just because he had called me “beautiful” and “the most perfect girl” he’d ever seen didn’t mean much. He’d also said he missed watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Alcohol made him very sappy.

I think last night he was just missing the past. All of it. I was just a part of his past. But the past was just that. The simplicity of childhood was gone. I missed it too. I missed him. But that boy was gone. Replaced with a man I didn’t know. Not really.

A groan came from the sofa and I watched as he stretched. At least he was going to wake up before Eli got out of bed. My thoughts halted then and I was distracted by the way his tanned muscular arms flexed as he moved them and yawned. I watched a wince touch his face and I figured that was the morning after alcohol pain.

Nate really was incredibly sexy. His body, his face, the way he moved. Even last night when he had been staggering drunk I’d wanted him. He had that appeal that was impossible to ignore.

“Fuck,” he groaned covering his face with his hand and rubbing hard as if trying to wash away his memories of last night. Or the pounding headache he was sure to have. I had never been drunk but I had seen plenty people drink too much then pay for it the next day.

“I have an aspirin and some water when you’re ready for it. Then a cup of black coffee might help.” I told him and he froze.

I smiled into my cup. He had forgotten where he was. This was kind of fun. Even if I wouldn’t see him again it was fun having Nate here.

Slowly he turned his head until he was looking at me. His half lidded eyes were bloodshot. He couldn’t quite get them open. I watched as he winced again, the sunlight streaming through the window finding his face and neck.

“That wasn’t a dream. Shit,” he mumbled then threw his arm over his eyes. “Why did you bring me here?”

His voice was raspy and deep. I wondered if he always sounded that way when he woke up in the mornings. I liked it. Who wouldn’t like it? That was the kind of thing that made your mind think of other things it shouldn’t.

“You said you couldn’t go to Octavia’s.” I told him. Had to say something. His grandfather was technically in this building, but I didn’t point that out.

“You should have left me there in my truck. It’s what I deserved.”

“Security at Live Bay would have called the cops and you’d have ended up going to jail for the night to sleep it off.”

He lifted his arm some to peek at me. “So you brought me here. To your place. When my grandfather is in the same building.”

I shrugged. “Wasn’t sure which condo and you weren’t really up for talking or directions last night.”

He let out a moan and moved to sit up. The covers fell from his chest and it was bare. When had he taken off his shirt? I hadn’t done that but I wasn’t complaining. His chest was magazine cover ready. What woman wouldn’t want to see that?

“Give it to me straight. What did I say?” he was concerned and I figured he remembered enough to be concerned. I’d leave the part out where he said if he married it would “be to me.” Or that he thought about me “every damn minute of the day” so much “it crowded his thoughts.” These were drunken outbursts I didn’t believe and he’d want to make sure I didn’t. That would be too painful. I would hold onto that forever.

“You broke up with Octavia or at least you think you did.” That needed some clarification.

“Shit. I mean, I’m glad, but shit. I have to call her and talk this out. No telling what my text said. I’m scared to even look.” He patted his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”

“You dropped it in your truck. I left it in there.”

He nodded then rubbed his face roughly. “Where’s Eli?”

Eli was probably in his room listening and pissed off still. “Asleep.”

Nate stood up. “I should go.”

That was it? He wasn’t going to talk about anything? Nothing he said? Nothing? He wasn’t engaged anymore. But he didn’t seem very interested in me either. Instead he looked like he wanted to bolt and couldn’t get out of here quick enough.

“Okay. Your keys are on the bar,” I told him and didn’t move to get up and give them to him. I was still reeling over the fact he was just going to leave. We weren’t going to talk. Nothing.

When had I missed the fact Nate Finlay had become an asshole?

He paused and I waited sipping my coffee and staring straight ahead out the window. I didn’t know what to say or how to deal with this. It was like an awkward walk of shame but there had been no sex. No one night stand.

“Thanks for bringing me here. Making sure I didn’t end up sleeping it off behind bars. My parents would freak the hell out if I ended up in jail.”

Was this the equivalent of “It was good. Thanks for the hot fuck.”? Because it felt like it.

“Like I said, I couldn’t leave you there.”

He didn’t move and I didn’t look at him. I refused to let him see what I really felt at this moment. I guess he’d go find another “easy” to replace Octavia. Even though last night he had told me he didn’t want easy anymore. He wanted more. That had been drunken crap too. Yet I’d thought about it all night long.

“Bliss, did I say something I need to answer for this morning?”

He didn’t remember anything.

“No, nothing. Good luck,” I replied sparing him one glance as I stood up.

He didn’t move at first and I thought maybe he was going to push for more. But before I knew it he was walking to the door.

When it opened, I let myself look. To mark this in my memory. Nate Finlay walking away from me. I needed to get him out of my heart and my head.