Let Me Love You

Knowing she’s waiting for an answer, I scrub my hands up and down my face. “We got into a fight.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?” MacKenzie huffs. “Such a guy’s response.”

I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, “She wanted something I wasn’t ready for, Kenz. I guess she finally got tired of waiting.”

“No matter how strong a girl is, Cooper, she always has a breaking point.” MacKenzie tells me, having no idea how true her words are.

After a few quiet moments I say, “And she reached hers. She’s better off without me anyway.” It pains me to say it, but it’s true, in a f**ked up kind of way.

MacKenzie laughs, clearly not believing me. “You really don’t believe that do you? That girl loves you, Cooper, and no matter what your fight was about, she isn’t going to fall out of love with you anytime soon.”

I feel myself slipping and wanting to just crawl in a hole and be left alone. I want that chemical dependency. I want it because I don’t want the dependency I have right now.

I know Jay loves me, I love her just as much if not more, but the past doesn’t change; people just learn how to get past it.

Inhale your future.

Exhale your past.

I absentmindedly grab for Jaylinn’s ring that is now on a chain I wear around my neck, and hold on to it with everything I have.

17

It’s been almost two months since Cooper and I split. I’ve been avoiding him at all cost. I always make sure he isn’t going to be at Hunter’s or Hailey’s before I stop over for a visit. I stay away from family functions and yes, I get a lot of shit for it but I just can’t handle seeing Cooper. Even though it’s been a little while it still hurts like it was just yesterday that it happened. I miss him, his smile, his eyes, his laugh, I just miss him. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t want to run back over to his house and tell him the hell with everything and I’ll take what I can get. I know that by doing that we would never be able to move forward, we’d be stuck on the same cycle.

I’ve heard from MacKenzie that their club is set to open this weekend. That was probably planned because I know he leaves for spring training on Monday. I know that having it up and running before he left was a goal of his.

Spring semester started a few weeks ago and I swear I have yet to learn anything because I can’t seem to concentrate. I’m sitting in sociology, listening to the teacher give his lecture and I’m only half paying attention. Layla, my friend from the soccer team, who is quickly becoming my new best friend, is sitting next to me playing on her phone, not listening either. I’ve been having a hard time in this class because it’s mostly lectures and my mind starts to wander.

Layla nudges me in the side, bringing me back. “Can you give me a ride to a job interview after class? Brian just texted me and said he can’t get out of work.” Brian is Layla’s boyfriend and a total ass**le. I have no idea what a girl like Layla is doing with him. He treats her like shit; he’s controlling and always putting her down.

“Yeah, do you need me to stay until you’re done?”

“If you can, then I won’t have to take the bus home. ”

I nod and go back to doodling on the paper in front of me.

“You should apply too, Jay. It’s Fierce, that new nightclub that’s opening up this weekend.”

Cooper’s nightclub. Well f**k. Pain hits me right in the chest, I reach up and try to rub the pain away but it’s no use.

“Nah, I’ve got spring soccer camp that I’ll be helping with so I’ll have enough on my plate.”

She shrugs and goes back to her phone.

The last hour of class goes by painfully slowly as I’m not looking forward to taking Layla to her job interview now that I know where it is. I don’t want to run into Cooper, I’ve avoided him this whole time and now I’m heading straight to him. I want to tell Layla that I forgot I have something to do but I don’t want to be a shitty friend.

“That’s it for class today. Quiz on Thursday for the materials we went over .” The professor says as we all start to gather our things and half of us are groaning. Thankfully I’m not the only one who doesn’t really listen to him.

“Can I copy your notes?” Layla says while laughing.

I can’t help but laugh too, “Such a smartass.”

Someone behind me clears their throat; I look back over my shoulder. It’s Ryan Ripley, star basketball player. He’s been trying to get my attention since I started here at Georgian Court. He’s super tall and towers over my five foot six frame. He has jet black hair, copper colored eyes and a little dimple on his left cheek when he smiles. He carries himself well with just the right amount of arrogance.

“Hi Ryan.” I feel like my cheeks are blushing, or at least getting ready to.

“What’s up Jaylinn?” He says as he checks me out from head to toe.

Layla snickers from behind me, she knows I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder forever but he just doesn’t seem to get the picture. “You ready to go? I don’t want to be late for my interview.” Layla asks.

I grab for my bag on the floor but Ryan beats me to it. “I’ve got it.”

He hands me my bag and I give him a half smile, “I’ve got to get going.” I say and nod in Layla’s direction.

“Alright.” He shifts his book bag up on his shoulder, “I’ll see you Thursday.”

“Bye Ryan.” Layla sings as we walk away.

Layla and I walk out of the classroom and down the hall I ask, “Doesn’t he get the picture that I keep blowing him off?”

“He’s been drooling over you since he first saw you.” Layla shivers. “How many games has he come to see you play now?”

I stop dead in my tracks, “What do you mean?”

“He always comes to our games. Brian says he’s always cheering for you when you score a goal.” She says this like I should know exactly what she’s talking about.

“I’ve never seen him in the stands.”

Layla laughs, “Yeah I wouldn’t have seen him either with that hot piece of ass you were dating.”

I cringe at her words, knowing I should have corrected her a long time ago but I didn’t want to admit that Cooper and I really weren’t a couple.

“Where has he been anyway? You’ve been spending a lot of time with me recently.”