Ignite

“He didn’t leave me.” My whole body was exhausted, but I didn’t want to be on the same bed as him. I relaxed my back against the wall beside the bathroom instead.

“So I was right. He’s so pussy whipped he’ll take you no matter what–”

“Stop being an asshole. Daniel’s not pussy whipped. He just cares about me and what we have is complicated and–”

“And you want him that badly, huh?” His eyes went dark with anger. “Is it the status? ‘Oh, I’m with a lawyer. We’re a power couple.’”

“Don’t mock me! I’m not like that.”

“You were like that five years ago–”

“Yes, was! As in past tense, Jaxon. As in I’m not like that anymore and haven’t been for years!”

“What, have you changed for this Daniel guy?”

“No!”

“Then what’s so fucking special about him? What’s he doing for you?” The questions were flooding out of his mouth heatedly, and both his fists clenched together as his anger steadily rose. “What part of you have you reserved for him that you couldn’t reserve for me–”

“I haven’t reserved any part of me for him!” I interrupted, feeling my own face heat up.

“Then what’s so great about him that you easily threw away over a mindless, regrettable root?”

I grimaced. “He helped me! He… made me feel less lonely, alright?”

“How?” he growled.

“By fucking, alright? That’s how!” When his face paled, I couldn’t understand why those words would even get to him. “What do you care anyway? You’re out rooting around all you want. Like you said, you can find hotter girls than me that’ll do whatever the hell you want. Voyeuristic, you said, and that’s all after you told me I hit my peak. So why don’t you just get up and go find yourself some slut to slide into?”

He did get up, and that sent daggers to my heart that he was actually going to do what I told him to. But he just stood there, glaring down at me.

“Well go on then!” I goaded him.

“That desperate to get rid me again, huh?” His words were pained and tormented by a heavy sadness that made my chest tighten.

“I wasn’t desperate to get rid of you–”

“You left me!” he shouted, pointing at me as his face reddened. “So fucking desperate to get away that you were too much of a fucking coward to tell it to my face!”

“That’s not why!” I hollered back, feeling hot tears fall down my face. My whole body shook as remorse flood me.

“Why should I believe you? Your word’s shit to me! You left me! You said you never would–”

“I would have destroyed us if I’d stayed! You know it too! I wouldn’t have had the strength to tell it to your face. You wouldn’t have let me go if I did!”

“And what’s so fucking wrong with that?”

“Because I was a monster, Jaxon! I was evil. You deserved better!”

“That wasn’t for you to decide.” His voice broke and he turned away from me, looking in the opposite direction with hands raking through his hair. His chest heaved up and down, and I could hear the heavy breaths escape his mouth as he kept his back to me.

I crossed my arms, suddenly frozen to the core. “I did what was best for you. Look at what became of you. You got what you dreamed of.”

“At what cost?” He looked over at me, fiery eyes and curled lips. “You think you can have it your way all the fucking time. You didn’t give me a better life by walking away.”

“Look at you–”

“I look at me every fucking day!” He interrupted, raising his voice again at a deafening rate. “You killed me more than you saved me!”

“You’re a liar!” I snapped back, tears blurring my vision. “You were happy after I left!”

Those fiery eyes turned into a storm as he stalked to me. “You’re fucking crazy.”

“Why am I crazy?”

“How the fuck would I have been happy when you walked out on me–”

“I know you were–”

“I gave you every fucking piece of me!” Now he was standing in front of me, leaning down at my level. I could feel his hot breaths against my face and see the veins protruding from his neck. “I gave you my heart and you tore it to pieces. Abandoned me, left to rot while you disappeared off the face of the earth. You were gone when I needed you the most! You never came back in five fucking years–”

“I went back a month later,” I interrupted sharply, looking into the blue depths of his eyes and witnessing, for the first time in days, the shattered soul I was responsible for breaking. “I went back because I missed you, and to beg for you to take me back and you were gone.”

He shook his head sceptically, and I cupped his chin with my hand to stop him.

“Don’t look at me like that! I did! Some couple was living in our apartment, and you were gone. I got Lexi to call your mom up and she told her that you were working overseas, that you were happy!” My voice broke at the end as more tears erupted from my eyes. Saying this all out loud was like re-opening a wound and rubbing salt all over it.

His face went still as he regarded me. He was so mercurial, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I dropped my hand and let him soak up the words while I hastily wiped away my face.

“Did you really come back?” he asked gently.

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“Why didn’t you call Mom yourself?”

“And tell her what?” I scoffed in disgust with myself. “That I physically hurt her son every time I got angry? That I was treating you like shit all because I had it in my head that you were going to break my heart any minute? That I clawed you so fucking hard I can still see the scar on your face right now!” It was true. Barely noticeable, I saw the faint line just above his jaw. “You remember what I did to you. If I told her that, she would have hated me, and back then I thought for sure you’d have told her. You’re right. I was a coward running away because I didn’t want to face up to what I did. So tell me, why the hell would it have made a difference if I talked to her instead?”

“Because she would have given you the truth.” The weighted words came out hushed. He stepped away from me and moved his head up so that it was facing the ceiling. His whole body was suddenly shaking.