Hard to Love You

The last few months feels like I’ve been living in someone else’s body. Who the hell have I become? God knows I’ve slept around more times then I care to think about but that’s not who I am. Not after I started dating Hailey. I never even gave a girl a second glance unless it was to get something I wanted and even that was wrong, but I never cheated on Hailey and I never would.

I’m bound and determined to set myself straight and kick my own ass if I have to. Screw everything and everyone who gets in my way.

I see something I want vividly now and I will stop at nothing to get it.

27

Stage six of my breakup: Rebuilding and Hope.

Life gets easier with every day that passes. I don’t cry nearly as much, only when I’m drinking, which I barely do nowadays because I don’t want to be sad anymore. I’m healing; I’m stronger and finally feel like I have my two legs back under me. I have Logan to thank for a lot of that. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, how strong I am, how much I’ve changed in these past few months. Logan’s been like my crutch, getting through this mess. I’m getting over this by myself but it’s nice to have him to help fill Mason’s void a little bit.

I walk out of the door from work and the sun immediately hits my face, it’s too beautiful outside to call for a lift so I decide to walk. My phone rings and I dig around my huge purse until I find it. “Hello?”

“BFF!” Jaylinn’s cheerful voice greets me.

“So …”

Oh boy.

“So …”

“Wearehavingapartyforthetwinsyouhavetocome.” Jaylinn spews out quickly.

I shake my head, what the hell did she say?

“Jay, I have no clue what the hell you just said.” I chuckle.

Jaylinn groans, “Can’t you just say that you’ll come?”

“Come where?”

“MacKenzie and I are having a party for the twins, nothing big, just the family.” Jaylinn rushes the last part out.

Their birthdays are next weekend. I’ve secretly been hoping that they would be on the road so that this wouldn’t come up.

“Hailey, please.” Jaylinn begs. “We miss you.”

My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing Mason.

“You’ve been telling Kenzie and me that you’re over it. Prove it Hailey. Come. Plus, Ryder misses you.” Jaylinn challenges.

Jaylinn: 1

Hailey: 0

“You fight dirty.”

“Yeah but it works so it’s worth it. Party is next Saturday at three at the Cahills’. Love you.” Jaylinn says happily and hangs up before I can tell her I love her too.

Shit! How the hell am I going to get up there? I can’t ask Logan to drive me; that would be too weird. Cole has already done so much for me. Bentley works on Saturdays as does Zeke.

My phone rings in my hands, startling me. “Yeah?”

“I forgot you don’t have a car. I’ll come down Friday night. Can I crash there and then we can head back up here Saturday morning?” Jaylinn asks.

I think for a minute. I’m afraid to sleep without Logan; he’s my rock at night. Would he be pissed that I was going home? Did it matter if he was? No, I pushed that thought away. Logan and I are friends, nothing more.

“Yeah sure that’s fine.”

“Love you, Hails.”

“Love you too.” I hang up this time before she can.

I get home and begin cooking baked ziti. I start a pot of water. Pull a bowl out from the cabinet to mix the sauce, ricotta and mozzarella cheeses.

Logan sneaks up behind me, trapping me between his back and the sink. “Hails.” Logan greets me.

I twist around so I’m facing his handsome face. “Hey Logan.” I place a kiss on his cheek.

Logan backs away and leans his back against the cabinet and crosses his ankles. His arms fold across his chest and they ripple. Playing football keeps Logan in great shape. Practice starts next week and Logan’s been hitting the gym in preparation. I get butterflies in my stomach from the heat in his eyes. Logan and I have only kissed a few times since that morning he made my coffee for me, but it made everything more intense.

“Smells good. What are you cooking?” Logan asks, still looking at me with sexual tension buzzing between us.

“Ziti. Can you make the salad up?” I need him to do something. I can’t have him watching me the way he is.

Logan doesn’t answer; he goes about getting the salad ready while I finish up cooking the pasta and mixing the sauce in. I pick up the dish and place it in oven. When I close the oven door and turn around I’m right against Logan’s hard chest. I look; he reaches down and picks me up like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around him.

Logan presses his forehead against mine, his breathing shallow. I bite my bottom lip, waiting, watching to see what his next move is. Logan normally doesn’t touch me unless we are in our rooms with the doors closed.

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Logan’s voice slithers around my butterfly filled stomach.

The front door slams open. My legs drop from around Logan’s waist. We quickly separate. I’m breathing heavy, Logan is too.

“Damn, what smells so good?” Bentley’s voice bellows from the front of the house.

“Ziti.” Logan and I answer at the same time.

I glance over at Logan to see his jade eyes lose the heat that was in them just moments ago. This is good. Logan and I need some distance. Yes, I was slowly getting over Mason but I wasn’t ready to have sex with anyone else just yet.

Zeke comes home shortly after Bentley. I excuse myself and run upstairs to change. When I come back down dinner is out of the oven and Logan is dishing out our plates. I take mine and place a kiss on his cheek.

“Where’s our kiss, sugar lips?” Zeke asks.

As I walk around the table to sit, I kiss Zeke and Bentley on their cheeks. Everyone is chatting away about their days and then Bentley asks about mine.

“Same old same old. But Jaylinn is coming down tomorrow night.” I answer.

Logan’s eyebrows raise, in question about our sleeping arrangements I’m sure.

“You girls want to go out to the club this weekend while she’s here?” Zeke asks.

I take a bite of food, trying to avoid answering his question, but it’s no use; three sets of eyes are waiting for me to answer. “Um, no. We are actually leaving Saturday morning. I’ll be home on Sunday at some point.”

Zeke and Bentley go back to eating but Logan’s eyes bore questions into me. I shake my head no. I’ll explain it to him later.