ForNever

At lunch break, Shannon and I wait for Dermot in smoker's alley. I lean against the brick wall, annoyed, because I am hungry and I want to run across the road to get a warm chicken and mayo baguette, but Shannon wants to wait for Dermot.

When Shannon stops mid-sentence and stares past me, I turn to look around as well.

Kieran smiles as he walks toward us casually. His hands are deep in his school pants pockets. The sleeves of his navy jumper are pulled up to his elbows and the white of his collar looks brilliant against his tanned neck. His jumper hangs loosely on him, but I can actually imagine his shoulders and biceps under the fabric. I remind myself that a rush of hormones does not constitute love, probably the main reason why love never lasts, because it is too often misjudged as love.

Shannon calls out to Kieran, "Kieran, what's your hi-story." She starts to laugh hysterically at her own joke, and I start laughing as well.

Kieran grins as he comes to stand next to me. He glances at me again as if he knows me, and I stop laughing self-consciously.

Dermot blows smoke up into the air. "Yeah, Kieran, what is your history?"

Kieran pulls his shoulders back. "Well. In sixteen ninety-two, I lived in a small town called Salem."

Shannon interrupts him, "You are so full of it. What is your real history? Where are you from?"

Seriously, he says, "Before moving here, I lived in South America for a while."

Dermot throws the cigarette stub onto the ground and grinds it to death with the toe of his shoe.

" Thank goodness," I exclaim. "I thought you would never finish that. Can we get lunch now?"

I move forward just as Kieran takes a step. I move into him by accident and I bump up against him. My face is close to his and he looks into my eyes, he looks at me as if I am his whole world, which causes me a brief moment of panic. This is the first time a boy has looked at me so intensely, so deeply that it actually stirs my soul. I feel a hot flush push up my face. He smiles charmingly, and then he gestures for me to walk ahead of him.

I move away from him and for the entire break and the rest of the day, I make sure Shannon and Dermot are walking between him and me. I successfully avoid looking at him for the rest of the day.

After school, I say goodbye to Shannon and Dermot and I walk to the train station alone, as I do every day. Just another normal day, except it is not normal because in twenty-four hours from now my dad will technically no longer be a part of my family unit.