Finding You

“Mom? Mom, you’re back? Mom, I need you to help me,” Noah called out.

Feeling the air leave my lungs, I took a step back to steady myself. I wasn’t expecting that. My eyes landed back on Meagan’s as she gave me a sympathetic smile.

“Gray can put him in bed. Let me go get him.” Spinning around on my heels, I practically ran to Grayson’s room. Each of the bedrooms had their own bathrooms. I was praying he was out of the shower and dressed now.

Knocking on the door, Grayson opened it and looked at me. His eyes widened and he glanced down the hall. “Noah?”

“It’s started. He’s moody, yelling, hallucinating and throwing up. I need to get him into bed. He’s running a fever.”

Nodding his head, Grayson reached for a T-shirt and slipped it over his head as we made our way back to Noah.

Walking into the room, Meagan was slowly trying to walk Noah to his bed. Grayson walked up and took over as he led Noah to the bed.

“Get the fuck off of me, you fucking asshole. You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?” Noah yelled out as Grayson ignored him.

“You’re a dick, do you know that? You could have anyone you want, but you take my girlfriend. Get the hell out of my house!” Noah screamed.

Grayson pushed Noah as he fell back onto the bed. Leaning over Noah, Grayson said, “Say that one more time, Noah, and I’m going to grab your balls and twist them until you scream for mercy.”

Meagan and I both looked at each other and then back at Noah and Grayson.

“You wouldn’t,” Noah whispered.

“I’m going to get a bucket for the next time you puke. Can you behave while I’m gone?”

Noah rolled his eyes and looked away. “Fuck you.”

Grayson laughed as he headed to the door. “I love you too, bro. Come on Meg, let’s go find a bucket together.”

Grayson grabbed Meagan’s hand and pulled her out the door as I watched them disappear.

Breathing in through my nose, I calmly blew it out as I walked over to Noah’s bed. His body was trembling, so I pulled the covers up and over him. Sitting on the bed, I reached for his hand.

Noah turned to me as our eyes met. His once beautiful caramel-colored eyes looked dark and empty. His brown hair was a mess from where he had been running his hands through it and pulling on it. “I want to be alone.”

Shrugging my shoulders, I whispered, “Too bad. I’m not leaving.”

Trying desperately to find a spark of life in his eyes, I continued to stare into them. “Grace, don’t you get it. I don’t want you here. You need to leave. Now.”

Slowly shaking my head, I let a single tear fall from my eye. Noah watched as it made its way down my cheek. “I’m not leaving you, Noah. You can say whatever you want, but I’m not leaving.”

Reaching his hand up, Noah wiped the tear away as our eyes met and something moved across Noah’s face. “Please don’t give up on us.”

Giving him a weak smile, I said, “Never.”

“What if you lose me, Grace? What if I can’t come back to you?”

Leaning down, I kissed Noah gently on the cheek as I moved my lips to his ears. “I’ll find you, Noah. I swear to you. I’ll find you.”

Noah wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him as he finally let go. Sobs shook his body as he held me like it was the last time he would ever have me in his arms again.

The cool evening breeze blew through the trees as it gently whipped my hair about. Bringing the coffee cup up to my lips, I took a sip. Closing my eyes, I let the sound of silence penetrate my mind and soul.

Two weeks had passed since Noah stopped taking Ativan, Valium, and Klonopin. Christmas had come and gone as I spent every moment either with Noah or on this porch. Hearing Grayson drive up, I opened my eyes and watched him pull in to the driveway.

“Hey,” I said with a whisper. Grayson had decided to stay another few weeks until Noah was feeling back to a hundred percent.

“Hey back at ya.” Grayson said with a smile. “Where’s Meg?”

Smiling softly, I said, “Why? Is the sergeant looking for his new soldier?”

Pushing my shoulder softly, Grayson sat next to me. “Very funny. That girl is hard to read. One minute I think she is into me and the next, she tells me what a whore I am.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “You are a stripper, Gray. You don’t seriously want a girlfriend, do you?”

Holding up his hands, Grayson gave me a fake laugh. “Whoa, turn it down, Johnson. No one mentioned the G word. I’m looking for a little P action and that’s it.”