Finding You

Closing her eyes, Grace slowly shook her head. “Noah, you can’t do that ever again. Promise me you won’t do that again.”

Seeing the love in her eyes, and hearing the concern in her voice, I did just what she asked. “I promise, Grace. I won’t ever take them both together again.”

Grace smiled as she reached up and kissed me. “We’re going to do this together. You and me. You’re not alone. You don’t need the pills.”

Placing my hand behind her neck, I pulled her lips to mine as I kissed her. Grace’s kisses were always my weakness. She tasted of pure honey. It wasn’t long before Grace was turning off the stove and I was picking her up to carry her upstairs.

“Make love to me, Noah,” Grace spoke against my lips.

Before we made it to the stairs, the front door opened and Angela walked in. Stopping in my tracks, I quickly set Grace down. Angela’s face turned red as she nodded at us and quickly walked by. “I’ll just be heading on back to check on, Mrs. Bennet.”

Peeking over to Grace, I watched as she shot daggers at Angela the entire time she walked through the house. Turning back to me, her hands went to her hips and she let out a huff. “I told her to give me her key, but she wouldn’t. She said you told her you needed her to have it in case you didn’t hear her at the door.”

“It’s hard, Grace. When I do finally fall asleep, I’m out and I’m only tuned in to my mother’s voice. There have been plenty of times Angela has had to bang on the door and call the house for me to let her in.”

Something moved across Grace’s face and I wasn’t able to read it. Before I was able to say anything to her, she walked by me and back into the kitchen. Frowning, I turned and followed her. “Are you mad?” I asked as she turned the stove back on.

Without looking at me, Grace shook her head. “This is your house, Noah. You need to do what you feel is right and safe for your mother. I’m not mad; I’m upset that we were interrupted. I was looking forward to being with you.”

Smiling, I walked up behind Grace and pulled her against my body. She needed to feel how much I was disappointed myself.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you later, Grace.”

Turning around, Grace smiled as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “You bet your ass you’re going to make it up to me.”

Lifting an eyebrow, I asked, “What did you have in mind?”

Angela cleared her throat and Grace dropped her arms and spun back toward the stove.

“Excuse me, Noah. Your mom is asking for more morphine. When I was talking to her, she seemed to be getting confused very easily.”

My heart felt as if it stopped beating.

“I noticed that earlier as well,” Grace said in almost a whisper.

Angela looked down and cleared her throat again before glancing back up at me. “Noah, I think we’re now looking at a matter of days. Her pain is growing worse and the more morphine we give her . . . well . . . you know this because we’ve talked about it.”

Nodding my head, I swallowed hard as Grace took my hand in her hand. “Do I need to call Emily?”

Angela took in a deep breath and pushed it back out quickly. “I can’t be sure. It could be another two weeks, or it could be another two hours.”

Sucking in a breath of air, I closed my eyes and counted to ten. My whole body felt as if it was slowly beginning to shut down.

“At the very least, I think you need to let her know. I’m going to go sit in there for awhile. I’d like to watch her breathing for a bit more.”

Nodding my head, I fought to find the words to speak. It felt as if my world seemed to slow down. I wasn’t sure what to do.

How would I be able to go on without my mother?

“Noah, why don’t you go on in with your mom and Angela and I’ll finish making breakfast.”

Looking directly at Grace, it felt as if I was seeing through her and staring out into a vast land of nothing.

Grace took a step closer to me and cupped my face with her hands. “Noah, look into my eyes.”

Doing as she asked, I was immediately taken with her soft hazel eyes. “Reach deep down inside of you, Noah. You have the strength . . . you just need to find it. Your mother needs to know you’re going to be okay.”

Closing my eyes, I asked, “Will I be okay?”

My body came to life as I felt Grace’s lips softly touch mine. “Yes, because I’m going to be right here with you. I’ll be your strength, Noah.”

Grace’s words penetrated my mind and my heart. I knew she was right. My mother wouldn’t want me falling apart. I needed to be strong for her. To show her it was okay to leave the pain behind.