Finding Faith

One day after leaving the daycare with Jimmy, I rode by Finn’s place to see if maybe anyone was home. If so, then I could take Jimmy home to Mom and come back. Still, there was no one. I set off for home, feeling deflated and rundown. I’d finally gotten the nerve to tell Finn the truth, but he was never home.

When I got home, we ate dinner with Mom, and then I gave Jimmy a bath and dressed him in his thermal cartoon pajamas. Putting on his dinosaur movie, I left him in the bedroom with his new dinosaur mask. It was the newest thing I’d purchased for him with my most recent paycheck. There was nothing funnier than seeing a tiny three-year-old running around with cartoon pajamas and a big dinosaur mask. He loved it, though, and that was all that mattered to me.

While he was occupied, I took a long, hot shower and took the time to shave my legs. After getting dressed for bed, I ran the brush through my long hair and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Mom had already gone to bed so the only light left on in the apartment was the living room lamp.

I turned everything off in the kitchen and made my way into the living room to check the locks and turn off the lamp. I was about to turn it off when a knock on the door startled me.

It was late and we weren’t in a great neighborhood. Opening doors all willy-nilly around where we lived could get you killed. I peeked out the curtain, thinking I’d get a look at who it was, but I couldn’t get a good view. Finally, they moved and I saw Finn’s arm.

My heart started beating super fast. This wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out, and if Jimmy came out of his room, there was no way I could deny him. Not to mention, Jimmy looked just like Finn. He’d see him and know instantly that Jimmy was his son.

He knocked again, and instead of risking Jimmy hearing and coming out of the room, I quickly opened the door. Finn’s eyes moved from my head to my toes, and then he shyly smiled.

“I know it’s late, but I needed to see you,” he said.

I could tell it had taken a lot for him to admit that. He looked so incredibly handsome in his dark-wash jeans and black long-sleeved shirt. He leaned against the doorjamb and shattered me with his dimpled smile.

“We just got back in town. I missed you. Did you miss me at all?” he asked sweetly.

Did I ever…

“I did,” I whispered.

“Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

I wanted to. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn’t take that risk. Jimmy was just a few rooms away and still awake. I could hear him softly singing the music that was playing on his movie.

“Right now’s not really a good time,” I said.

His face dropped and he shook his head like he understood. He moved closer and ran a single finger down my cheek as if he were memorizing me.

“I’m too late,” he said sadly.

He looked as if he was on the verge of tears, and my heart broke for him.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re with someone else. I’m too late.”

It took a minute for his words to sink in, and when they did, I almost laughed out loud. He thought I was with someone else and that was so far from happening it wasn’t even funny. I’d never been with anyone but Finn. I hadn’t even been on a date with anyone else, much less lived with someone else.

“Does he treat you good?” He looked me straight in the eye with a crushed expression.

“There’s no one else, Finn.”

I smiled at the relief that moved across his expression.

“Then it’s me? Have you still not forgiven me?”

It bothered me that he even said it that way. I was the one that should’ve been asking for forgiveness. I was the one who was harboring a massive secret that could change his life forever.

“There’s nothing to forgive. Finn, can we talk tomorrow? There are things I want to talk to you about, but right now’s not a good time.”

My nerves were jumping around inside me. Any minute, Jimmy could come around the corner and any minute, things between Finn and me would go downhill just that quickly. He could take my son on the spot. He was freaking Jimmy Finn for God’s sake. He was a rock god as far as some people were concerned, and I was positive he was worth millions.

“Sure, do you want to…?”

He stopped talking when Jimmy jumped from behind me. He was wearing his dinosaur mask and growling at Finn playfully. His fingers were bent as he pretended he had massive claws and he pushed them out toward Finn as if he were about to claw him to death.

“I’m a scary dinosaur. You better run for your life!” He growled cutely.