Finding Faith

“So you’re into voyeurism now?” he whispered.

Chills broke out across my body.

I tried again to get away, but he was holding me so tightly that I couldn’t move. The fear of Zeke and Patience seeing us standing in their doorway watching was too much. I didn’t want to say anything to him. I didn’t want to make any noise at all. I just wanted him to let me go so I could be out of the embarrassing situation.

“Let me ask you something, Faith. What do you see in there?” His lips brushed my ear. “Are you into Zeke now? Because if so, let me go ahead and squash your fantasies now. He wouldn’t touch you.” He was still whispering, but it sounded so loud to me that I was positive Zeke and Patience would hear it, too.

The noises from their room were starting to get louder, and instinctively, I pressed back away from the doorway, but all that did was press me harder up against Finn. He hissed softly in my ear and cursed under his breath.

Everything was so quiet that I could still hear the things that Zeke and Patience were saying to each other.

“I love you so much, baby. God, you feel so good,” Patience was saying to Zeke. “Please. Please don’t stop.” She moaned louder.

Again, I pressed myself back. I wanted to run. I wanted to be anywhere in that moment but where I was.

My eyes locked onto Zeke’s tattooed back as the covers slid down around his waist. Patience dug her nails into his back so hard that I was sure he would bleed. Instead of yelling, he kept telling her how beautiful she was and how he couldn’t live without her. It was the most disturbing yet most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

“Tell me, Faith. What do you see?” Finn whispered in my ear again.

I felt his words all over. My knees were getting weaker by the second. My stomach dug into his arm as my body slowly melted.

Finally, he released me enough that I could move. I turned in his arms and looked up at him. I was so mad that he was making me watch them. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to see people engage in something that I’d never know. I’d probably never feel a man’s touch again, and I’d probably never hear someone call me beautiful or tell me they loved me. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hit him again.

Instead, I pushed him back away from me. He moved out of my way and grinned down at me like he’d been playing a joke.

“I see love,” I said. “Something you know nothing about.”

His face dropped and he attempted to say something, but instead of waiting to listen, I walked away. He didn’t follow and I was glad. I wanted to be rid of him. I couldn’t get into the kitchen fast enough, and once I was in there, I cleaned the fastest I ever had. Once I was done with the place, I left as quickly as I could.

I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and grabbed some essentials. A few of the people I worked with were happy to see me and kept telling me how great I looked. They were just being nice since I knew my stress level had only gotten worse since I’d taken on my new job.

When I got home, Jimmy was jumping on the couch and singing loudly.

“Baby boy, get off the couch and quiet down some. The people next door are going to start complaining.” He jumped down from the couch and into my arms. “Where’s Grandma?” I asked.

“I dunno!” he sang playfully.

Worry set in. I set Jimmy down and started searching through the apartment.

“Mom?” I called loudly. “Mom, where are you?”

I went to her room and pushed the door open. She was nowhere to be seen. I started to panic. She would never leave Jimmy alone. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong.

When I got to the bathroom, I tried to push on the door, but it wouldn’t budge. Something was keeping the door from opening all the way. I pushed harder and when I did, I saw my mom’s leg.

“Mom! Oh my God! Mom!”

I ran into the living room and picked up the cheap flip phone that Mom and I shared. I called 9-1-1 and screamed my address into the phone. Jimmy sat on the couch in front of me and started to cry.

“It’s okay, baby. Everything’s okay. Just sit there and be a good boy for Mommy.”

Ten minutes later, the fire department and an ambulance showed up at our apartment. They were able to get into the bathroom and get Mom up on a stretcher.

Jimmy and I followed behind the ambulance to the local hospital. We sat in the waiting room until we were allowed to go back and see her. Apparently, she’d had another stroke. When we got into her room, I was shocked to see my father sitting next to her bed.