Finding Faith

“I know I never really knew you, Finn, but I find it hard to believe that you’d ever hit a woman.”

And just like that, I was more pissed off than I’d ever been in my life. How could she say she never knew me? She knew me better than anyone else in my life ever did or ever would. I wanted to turn and put my fist through anything that wouldn’t feel it. I wanted to release my anger on anything but the girl in front of me.

I settled for a big expensive vase on the top of the breakfast table behind me. It crashed to the floor. Bits and pieces of blue glass shattered everywhere and sounded like raindrops on the expensive tile flooring.

Faith looked at me like I was a monster, and that was just fine by me. Let her think what she wanted to think. I turned and walked away before I did anything I truly regretted. I wanted to hurt her the way she’d hurt me, but emotionally only. She was right about one thing; I’d never lay a hand on a woman. No matter how badly she’d ripped my heart out and or how badly she’d changed me for the worse.

Twenty-Three

Faith

I couldn’t go back there. It was obvious that Finn wasn’t stable and I couldn’t handle him. I was too sensitive to anything that involved him. I couldn’t deny that anymore. I still had feelings for Finn. I was pretty sure they’d never gone away, but the minute I found myself sitting his closet to study, I knew I was going down the wrong road.

The closet smelled familiar to me. It smelled of a time long ago when I’d spent stress-free nights with Finn. Only after sitting in there with the lights on and a book in my face did I realize it was his cologne that was so familiar to me.

He wasn’t the boy I’d once thought he was, though. I’d been fooled, and I swore that I’d never be fooled again. Having him treat me so badly wasn’t something I was willing to put up with—ever.

He didn’t have any right. I understood that I left him first, but he moved on without me entirely too fast. That made it more than clear that he never really cared about me and that letter—the letter that ripped out my heart and destroyed it, I could never get over it. As a matter of fact, it was still tucked away in my old journal. I’d filled that particular journal with all the things I’d longed to say to Finn. I’d recently pulled out that journal in particular to remind me of anything I might’ve forgotten.

I’d almost quit altogether, but when Mrs. Cooper called to check on me, I had to go in. Not to mention the lack of groceries in the apartment was a big kick in the butt, too. But I had to find something else and I had to find it fast. Continuing to work for Finn wasn’t a good idea anymore.

I made up my mind the next morning that Finn wasn’t going to scare me away. I had no choice but to continue to clean until I found something else. I was taking adult education classes at night so that was going to make things a bit more difficult, but I could do it. If I’d learned one thing about myself over the last four years, it was that I could do anything as long as I worked hard enough.

When I got to the condo, no one was there. I let out the breath I’d been holding, then made my way to the bedrooms. I wanted to be done with those before anyone came back. The first room I came to was Zeke’s. I stepped up to his door, ready to push it open, when through the crack, I heard soft panting noises.

I should’ve backed away. I should’ve gone back into another part of the house and cleaned until the back of the condo was empty, but I didn’t. Instead, I peeked in through the crack. It was Zeke and his girlfriend Patience. They were completely covered, thank God, but he was on top of her, looking into her eyes as if she were the only thing holding him on Earth.

It was mesmerizing. He whispered sweet words of love to her as he slowly moved his body against hers. Their kisses were sweet, and again, it made me long for the affection I was missing in my life. I was tired of being alone and shouldering all the responsibilities. I wanted a partner in life—someone who could hold me on the nights when I felt like everything was falling apart and tell me that I was going to be okay—that Jimmy was going to be okay.

I backed away from their door slowly, ready to turn and go back into the kitchen to clean. Instead, I walked straight into Finn. He looked past me into the crack in the door and then looked back down at me with a knowing smirk.

My face lit up with a deep blush. I could hardly believe that I’d been caught watching a couple make love.

I tried to move around him quietly so I didn’t interrupt Zeke and Patience, but Finn caught me around the waist and turned me back around to face the door. His arms locked around me the way they had the day before and then I felt his hot breath against my ear.