Finding Faith

I began to question everything I’d ever been told in my life. For the first time, I wondered if maybe my dad didn’t know what he was talking about. I refused to believe that Finn was bad. I wouldn’t accept the fact that my soul was in danger with him. Not when I’d just been so close to heaven in his arms.

This time when I closed my eyes, I didn’t think about protecting my soul in my cross. There was no need for it anymore. Finn had my soul, and I knew that no matter what, he’d protect it.

Fourteen

Finn

I’d promised myself I’d wait until she was ready, and I’d failed. That wasn’t surprising since I’d spent most of my life fucking up. I hadn’t planned on going down on Faith in the sand. I really had been trying to be romantic and take her on an actual date. Walking the beach was supposed to be sweet, but once she started kissing me and pressing against me, I was done for.

I kept thinking that at least I hadn’t taken her virginity. I wanted to. Damn, I’d never wanted to so badly. The noises she made when she came almost did me in. I was sure I was going unload right there in my jeans. The amount of willpower it took to hold her afterward and not finish the job was amazing. I had no idea I was capable of shit like that.

I wanted to show her how good I could make her feel. I wanted to hear her say my name over and over again like she had. It wanted it so badly for her, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d pressured her into it.

The last thing I wanted was for her to clam up and never talk to me again out of fear. I never wanted to scare her. She seemed okay when I dropped her off. I promised her I’d come by the following night and that made her smile happily, but I knew girls pretty well and I knew they reacted after the fact. I just had to hope that the following day when I saw her, she didn’t hate me.

When I got home, Reynolds was waiting in my garage for me. His long legs were resting on the coffee table in front of Mom’s old leather couch. He pulled at a ripped piece, exposing more of the yellow sponge inside.

When I stepped in, he looked up at me with hard eyes.

“Where the fuck you been, man? I’ve been waiting here all goddamn night.”

His eyes were dilated and he couldn’t sit still. He crossed his leg over the other and shook his foot so fast it started to blur. No doubt about it he was fucked on the white wizard again.

The tiny bit of white power stuck on the tip of his nose caught my attention and gave him away more than his behavior. He’d been on the decline for a while, but I hadn’t noticed how badly until I sobered up and stepped away. Usually I was along for the party, but since I’d met Faith, I was clean—minus a few beers every now again. That was yet another reason I knew she was good for me. Even my mom had commented on my changes.

“I was out with my girl. What’s up?” I asked as I fell onto the couch beside him.

It was late and I was exhausted. I could still smell Faith on my skin, and I was determined to catch some relief in my palm before hitting the sheets.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blunt. The smell of lighter fluid swarmed around me when he lit his Zippo. The tip of the blunt crackled as he hit it hard and held it in.

“Man, fuck that shit. Relationships are for the birds and bitches. Don’t get yourself all caught up. It’s bad for business.”

I had to force myself to remember that he was fucked up. Otherwise, I would’ve punched him in the mouth. Since I’d known Reynolds, I was always fighting his fights. He had a mouth on him and never knew when to shut it. It also didn’t help that he wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Whenever he got in over his head, which was most of the time, I was always there to pull him out.

He usually never pushed my buttons, but something was up with him tonight. I was starting to worry that he was on something much heavier than usual. He kept making shitty remarks, but I ignored him and turned down the blunt when he held it out to me. His arm hung suspended and he eyed me hard like he was challenging me to smoke. Still, I shook my head no.

“Nah, man, I’m good—high on life and shit.” I tried to lighten the mood. “You need a ride home or something? Looks like you’ve partied extra hard tonight.”

I’d seen his car parked out front, but if he needed a ride home, I’d take him. Whatever got him out of my garage so I could get some sleep.

I was caught off guard when he flicked the blunt at my face. I barely swatted it away quick enough. “What the fuck, Reynolds?” I stood tall.

He stood, too, but I towered over him. I tried to keep myself in check. He was pushing some serious buttons and I was starting to get pissed off. I didn’t want to fly off the handle and kick his ass and feel bad about it the next day when he didn’t remember.