Finding Faith

“Is this okay?” he asked as his hand moved higher into my skirt.

The warmth from his hands mixed with the cool beach breeze that was rushing up my skirt felt exotic against my flesh.

“Yes. Please don’t stop.”

I couldn’t believe I’d even said that. It didn’t even sound like me, but I was begging him and I didn’t even know what I was begging him for. I just knew that everything he was doing felt right and I wanted more.

My shoe left a line in the sand as I slowly opened my legs for his hand. My skirt bunched up around my thighs to accommodate my stance. I sighed loudly when his hand moved up higher and I felt his knuckles brush my panties.

“You like that?” he asked as he brushed his knuckles against me again.

My knees were starting to feel weak and when I tried to answer him, no words would come out of my mouth. Instead, a tiny humiliating whine slipped past my lips and earned me another dimple-filled grin.

“I love those sweet noises you make,” he whispered against my lips.

And then he kissed me again, and again his kisses were harder and more passionate. His tongue moved against mine and tickled the top of my mouth. The noise that I made when he slipped his finger in the side of my panties didn’t even sound human.

I’d never known anything like his touch, but while I was mentally clueless, my body seemed to understand and moved on its own. My hips rolled for more of his fingers. The dinging from his car door being held open sounded with the throb of my body as I leaned my head back against the cold rusted steel.

The next thing I knew, my legs were no longer holding me up and somehow, instead of leaning against his car, I was lying in the sand and he was above me. It was as if the things he was doing to me were coming in flashes. The stars above me twinkled with my excitement and the sound of the waves became muffled.

His fingers moved against me in ways I didn’t know were possible. My body was strung tight and my breaths came out in pants. He kissed me until I was dizzy and then when I thought I was about to lose my mind, his hands disappeared from my body.

He leaned back and pushed my skirt up more and I lay there needy and greedy for more of what he was offering. In the back of my mind, I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I couldn’t make myself stop. It felt too good, but once he started to move down, my body I froze.

I could remember Amanda telling me about what couples did to each other with their mouths and I couldn’t fathom Finn doing that to me. I leaned up and grabbed him around his shoulders to keep him from moving lower. He looked up at me beneath his lashes and grinned.

“Just relax. You’ll like this, I promise.”

Still, I couldn’t make myself relax. Things were moving too fast and I wasn’t so sure I was as ready as I’d originally thought. He softly kissed my ribs and it tickled. I pulled on his shirt again and tried to make him come back up.

“Finn?” The desperate question in my voice was answered when he kissed me around my belly button.

I had no idea what I was asking for. My mind was telling me to stop him, but my body was begging for him to keep going. I was so confused and scared. My body was so tense with anxiety and the need for a release I didn’t know existed.

“Just relax, baby. It’s only fair. I sang for you. Now lay back and I’ll make you sing for me.”

When his mouth touched me, I gave in and fell back. Sand collected under my nails as I dug my fingers into beach around me. His hands and mouth were all over me, pushing and pulling me over the edge of a line that I’d always been afraid to cross.

My toes curled in my shoes and my back lifted from the sand as my insides turned to liquid.

“Let go, Faith. I promise I’ll catch you.”

His whisper floated in the wind around me and then my body dissolved into the sand. I clutched my cross, the blunt tips of it digging into my palm as I called out my release and sang into the wind. Finn’s mouth never left my body, and his fingers dug into my thighs, holding them to the earth as my body trembled and bucked.

When I came down, the sound of the waves was the first thing I heard. My arms and legs tingled and felt heavy. Everything was so sensitive that even the cool breeze felt too thick against my skin. In a daze, I stared at the stars above me and tried to understand what had just happened.

Finn collected me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. His warmth seeped into my skin and spread throughout my body. I continued to clutch my cross. I fully understood that what we had done was wrong—sinful—but what I couldn’t understand was how something so beautiful could be bad.