Finding Faith

His smile was too friendly—his eyes not filled with any emotion whatsoever. I wondered to myself if my eyes looked the same to Finn when he first met me. Did they still look like that?

I didn’t want to go. Honestly, I would’ve enjoyed sitting home and laying my hand on the hot stove more than I would going out with him again, but I knew I had to. I couldn’t lie and say I had plans because my dad would mess that up. I had no choice but to go and pretend to enjoy myself.

“Sure.” My face felt stiff when I smiled.

We turned toward the door to leave, and Finn was standing in the doorway.

“Hey. Where you guys headed?” he asked as he dried his hands on some paper towels from the bathroom.

“We were just going to grab some dinner,” Stephen said with a friendly smile.

An odd expression flashed across Finn’s face before it cleared quickly and he sent me his signature grin. The expression came and went so fast that it was as if I’d seen things.

“Well, have fun.” His smile was false. Something was definitely off. “Don’t do anything I would do.”

His eyes locked with mine as if he were begging me for something. In my imagination, I heard him say, Please don’t go with him. Go with me. Be with me. I almost pulled him to the side and asked him if he was okay.

“All ready?” Stephen asked as he slipped his hand in mine.

The gesture made me blush and my cheeks felt hot. Finn looked Stephen up and down and briefly, anger flashed in his eyes. What the heck was his problem anyway?

I smiled at Finn as Stephen led me past him out the door of the kids’ room. Finn reached out and grabbed my other hand, prompting me to turn back and look at him. There was a crushed look in his eyes before he quickly dropped it back to my side. Stephen saw nothing, but when I passed my dad’s office, he was standing at the door and his expression told me had hadn’t missed Finn’s little display.

Eight

Finn

I couldn’t take it anymore. I had days left at the church and the way that Faith was eye-fucking me from the window was making me insane. She couldn’t know she was doing it, which made it ten times worse. She wanted me and she didn’t even understand she did.

All sex stuff aside, the crazy part was I was pretty sure I was falling for her. I couldn’t even believe I was thinking that, but I was. I could tell by the way I felt when I was around her. I’d never felt that way before and I wasn’t sure I liked it too much. My mind had never been so absorbed with one girl. She was all I could think about. It was making writing songs for the band hell. Everything came out sounding like an eighties love ballad.

So after catching her staring at my junk from the window, I wasted no time. I left my shovel there and made my way through the church with a mission. I was going to kiss her senseless and I was going to ask her on a proper date. The boys would find it hilarious and it was completely out of character for me, but fuck it.

Not to mention, the pastor would probably have a heart attack, but if I had to, I’d talk her into sneaking out with me. I wanted to spend time with her outside of the church, time away from all interruptions so I could take my time and peel back all her layers—find out what made her tick, what she liked and hated.

Finding out what was under those god-awful skirts was the least of my worries when it came to Faith. Don’t get me wrong, sex with her was running all through my mind, but more than anything and for the first time ever, I really just wanted to spend time with her.

When I got to the door and saw her there with Stephen, I felt anger that I hadn’t known before. I’d been in fights for less. I contemplated going in and beating the shit out of the dude, but technically he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I knew inside that he was the better man, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to be mine and I was greedy and suddenly needy. Weeks of being around someone untouchable knowing they’d welcome your touch is a bitch.

As soon as I was done at the church, and after checking on my mom, I met up with some friends and smoked until my eyes burned. When I was done smoking, I took shot for shot with my buddy, Leroy, until I couldn’t feel my face. I was on a downward spiral, but I didn’t want to feel anything.

I woke up the next morning in my bed with my clothes still on. I had no idea how I’d gotten there or how long I’d been there, but my head felt like someone smashed it with a hammer. My eyes were sealed shut and I had to pry them apart. The sun broke in through my curtains and drilled my sensitive eyes and straight through to the back of my head. At least that’s how it felt.