Chasing Imperfection (Chasing 2)

Is she still in love with him? Did she always love him even when she was with me? Did she think of him while we were together? Bloody f**k, she probably did.

She’s obviously looking happy while I sat with my own bloodless misery. Every waking moment, I feel the loss of Sienna and she didn’t give a damn. I was convenient and she most likely used me to just get over her ex. Well, you did pursue her—it’s no one’s fault but yours. Resentment always creeps in and I’m starting to hate her—really, scornfully hate her.

I stood frozen studying her face. She’s wearing a black cotton long sleeved top, black leggings and the very same cowboy boots she wore that wretched day she confronted me about my engagement. My stomach recoiled thinking about that encounter.

Her hair’s still wet—obviously just out of the shower. Did she share it with Kyle? Stop, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter anymore.

When she finally saw me, she stopped and stared with her pretty mouth hanging ajar.

I stared at her beautiful face, hating and loving her at the same time. My jaw tightened thinking about her with another man. God knew I haven’t been celibate. I jumped at the nearest woman who opened her legs invitingly a day or two after she left for LA. But f**k, jealousy was such a toxic emotion.

“Blake,” her soft voice stammered. I caught her eyes wandering all over me, stopping at my mouth.

“Sienna,” I said through gritted teeth. I hate you.

“You’re uh—back early from Australia? Did you see Chad? How is he?” she pressed her lips, looking anywhere but me.

“I came here straight away after I landed couple hours ago. I had to cram some meetings together to get here. There was another movement from Chad’s fingers and the doctor is hopeful. Lucy and Toby are upstairs.”

“You’re leaving? You’re not staying longer?” Her fingers fidgeted on her purse straps. She did that when she’s nervous. Good, I didn’t want her to think that things would be the same after she dumped me without even giving me a chance to explain properly—another chance to prove that I did mean everything I said and promised her. I’m not going to be the considerate man that she once knew.

“I have to go to Rome for a few hours. I’ve been summoned by my uncle. I’ll be back when I can.”

“Oh, right. Um have a safe flight then—wait—do you want to go get some coffee before you leave? I haven’t had one yet—”

“No. I’m busy. I have to go.”

My rejection threw her off. Even when we were friends, I always succumbed to her wants—not anymore. I can’t stand being with her in the same vicinity without wanting to strangle her. It’s best that I leave before I say something I would regret later on.

I nodded and left her standing there, looking hurt and not knowing what to do. Striding towards the awaiting black Bentley without looking back, I released a long breath after sliding into the confines of the car. I then ordered Robert to drive me to the office in South Bank to get some paperwork before leaving for the airport.

Luke greeted me cordially once I entered my office floor. He was alerted the moment I entered the building. I want every single branch that I own to run efficiently.

He handed me all the paperwork I needed to go through today and briefed me with all the ongoing progress in all branches of the company. After listening without interrupting him, I excused myself to go to the annexed apartment I have inside my office. I could’ve easily gone to my apartment. But I didn’t, I simply can’t. That place is haunted by memories of her. Her scent lingered everywhere in my room and I’m not ready to step in there knowing full well I won’t recover if I do.

I welcomed the silence once I entered the annex apartment. It contained a massive king-sized bed, full shower, and a well-equipped stainless steel kitchen. The whole place was decorated with Sienna’s solo portraits from Chad’s show. Her other ones with that man named Troy I could do without. I might accidentally burn them all. There were six solo portraits—but the bloody cretin took the other one he kept staring at all evening. I’m sure that image reminded him of something significant—that’s why we ended up fighting that night. I punched his jaw without a second thought after Chad informed me that Kyle purchased the portrait already. “She’s my girlfriend. Don’t even think twice of trying to take her away from me. I will ruin you Matthews! I can easily ruin you.” I remembered threatening him while others scrambled to exit the room.

“She was mine first—don’t you ever forget that you ass**le! Once she realizes that you’re just a f**king playboy and she’s just one of the passing girls—she’s going to run back to me! I’m always here for her. That’s how it’s been and that’s how it always will be. She hasn’t been with anyone apart from me and you—what you guys have is lust not love, nothing else. Dude—get your shit together before you threaten me, you stupid British f**k!” he yelled and huffed angrily before storming out of the room.

Once he left, I felt helpless. What Sienna and I have—it’s more than that. I knew it—my heart knows it—my soul knows it. I felt it with her kisses and the way she looked at me. I tried to convince myself that what Kyle said didn’t bear any fruit.

I stood in the middle of the room staring at her decadent portrait and looked for answers. As if her eyes can tell me all her hidden secrets. How I wish I knew what they were.

“I took a hold of her arm and linked it to mine and lightly tugged her to follow me out of the room and headed towards the gallery office.

I needed to be with her. I needed confirmation that she’s mine and that she won’t ever leave me. I remembered hoping that she would love me the way that I loved her.

Memories of that night tugged something inside. My eyes started to tear and I immediately composed myself. I profusely cursed her portrait profusely before I headed towards the bathroom.

Call me a masochist, but I needed to see her face once in awhile. My heart is turning into a sinister dark ice, stone cold and black. I needed to be reminded—even for a second—that I once loved fully and fiercely with no boundaries. Glimpses of the future I once yearned for with her. The limited time I spent with her was the happiest I’ve ever been since my parents were taken away from me.

I knew I f**ked up when I didn’t tell her about the arranged marriage. But she could’ve at least stayed, listened and given me the opportunity to fully explain myself. But she didn’t—that’s why I hate her. Her rejection when I proposed on the pavement in Covent Garden will forever be tattooed in my memory. I hate her for jumping ship.