Chasing Imperfection (Chasing 2)

Lucy and I held each other. We both agreed that he would never commit suicide and yet here he was. The guilt is eating us up inside because we didn’t have any clue what Chad was going through. The thought of Chad in a coma permanently terrifies that hell out of me.

He can’t leave! He has to survive. He will open his eyes again and give me that sweet smile, I kept saying to myself. He’s such a beautiful person, inside and out. His career was starting to take off, what’s the reason behind the suicide? Boyfriend? Finances? What?

Whatever it was…suicide is not the answer. He had us to help him out—he didn’t have to go through it alone. But apparently he felt alone or he would never have opted for this. Suicide usually is the last resort and my dear friend was unknowingly holding on by a very fine thread.

I pulled a chair next to him and held his hand while Lucy did the same on the other side. We both silently prayed and hoped our friend will recover from this.

My sweet Chad…please don’t leave me…I thought as I fell asleep crying holding his cold, lifeless hand.

I woke up when I heard hushed voices. A bright stream of sunshine filtered through the tinted windows. I looked up and saw Toby holding on Lucy. His face and eyes were red and blotchy. He was obviously crying too. “Toby? When did you get here?”

“Around nine-thirty, two hours ago—I came here as soon as I found out. Blake couldn’t come since he’s in Australia for the next two weeks. He said he’ll try to wrap-up everything as soon as possible and be here as well.” I nodded in understanding.

Kyle came the moment he found out and all four of us stayed there and prayed for our friend to come back to us. The guys took turns fetching coffee and food. Not once did Luce and I leave the hospital room.

It was late Sunday afternoon and Toby had to fly back to Spain for work. He promised to be back in couple of days. He needed to sort some business before taking a few days off.

When Monday rolled around, Lucy reluctantly had to leave for school. I stayed vigilantly next to him. Kyle brought some clothes for me and all the other things I needed. I tried to look for Chad’s phone but apparently he didn’t have it with him when the medics brought him in.

I had to personally make calls to my teachers and explain the whole thing. They said that I could do the assignments and email it to them before the end of the semester. I promised I would do all the extra work and visit museums if I have to. They were all kind, understanding and at the same time worried about Chad. I knew what they were thinking. What if he never wakes up again? But I can’t think like that. I have to be optimistic. I have to keep faith for Chad. He needed me to be strong for him.

For the next few days, Luce did the same as I did. She leaves only when she has to. Kyle visits twice a day—in the morning before he goes to work and after he gets out of work.

By Friday, I was watching reruns of Hollyoaks on the small television screen the hospital provided when I felt Chad’s hand move. I jumped from my seat and stared at his hand for a whole minute without blinking. There it was again, it was moving!

I scrambled to my feet and rang the nurse’s station and told them what I witnessed. The doctor barged in after five minutes checking vital signs and ordered a CT scan immediately. The nurses wheeled him out of the room and onto another floor. The doctor advised me to stay put and get some rest.

I was fidgeting when Kyle found me and I relayed everything to him. “Sienna, I understand your worry—I really do babe—but you have to go home and rest. You need to sleep or you’ll be the one in the hospital next. You’re shedding weight.”

He’s right.

I feel like I’m floating and I’m so groggy I can’t think straight. I can’t be of any help if I kill myself in the process.

“K, but only after the doctor gets back from the scan.” He nodded and squeezed my shoulders.

We waited for the doctor—what seemed like forever—and he explained that there’s some brain activity and advised that the possibility of Chad recovering can still vary. We have to wait for a few more days if Chad shows any signs.

After the doctor left, Kyle took me back to his house. I didn’t want to be alone and he insisted on taking care of me. I don’t know how I managed to fully shower without passing out. I wore Kyle’s LA Kings hockey jersey and fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

I woke up in the morning breathing in Kyle’s neck. He only had his silk boxers on. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and both of our legs tangled. I tried to imagine in my head how I could untangle myself without waking him up when I felt his heartbeat accelerate wildly against my chest. His breathing became shallow as his morning wood started to become evident against my inner thigh. Shit, this sucks.

“Kyle?” I whispered to him. He groaned in my hair. “I can feel your erection—feel like letting go of me now?” I said against his neck.

“Never—I will never let go of you.” Uh! I have to get back to Chad. I tried to push myself off him but he wouldn’t release me. “I love this Sienna. Give me just a few more minutes. Let me cherish this moment for a few more.”

“Fine.” I murmured. I wouldn’t have relented if he wasn’t so supportive and took care of my well-being. It’s the least I could do, compromise.

Not knowing what to do, I gently traced the tattoo on his arm, it was a beautiful design and it fitted him well.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked as he kissed my neck.

Oh, what the heck. I am so not in the mood to be teased. “Kyle—maybe next time—I’ll think about it, but for now I need to get back to Chad.”

“Think about that rain check, will you?” I gently slapped him in the head as he laughed heartily and released his hold of me. Men and their stupid hormones! Seriously.

I ran to the bathroom and showered. I dressed with the clothes that Kyle packed for me yesterday. I didn’t want to miss any progress with Chad. Kyle dropped me off at the hospital and I hastily kissed his cheek. He tried to capture my lips for a kiss but I nudged his arm playfully.

Kyle’s been a little aggressive with his antics lately. I can’t honestly accommodate that thought when my friend was lying lifeless in the hospital bed.

3

Blake

I was on my way out of the hospital when I saw her emerge from the cab with Matthews. They looked pretty intimate and I was frozen on the spot watching how the two exchanged their goodbyes.

Keep moving before she sees you, I told myself but I couldn’t. I haven’t seen her in a couple of months and my eyes were taking everything in. She’s walking towards the building with a huge smile on her face.