Chasing Forever (Chasing 4)

He paused laughing enough to say, “Would you believe Lucy had her toe in my arse and I had begged you to shag me?” He started tearing away, as if it was the funniest joke ever.

It was funny until I analyzed his words… “Am I that repulsive?” I asked in disbelief, looking at him then Sienna.

“No. Why would you even ask that?” Sienna frowned as she reached over and plucked her coffee off the tray. “You didn’t bring anything to go along with this?” she asked as she took a sip, tasting the coffee before nodding her approval.

“Like what? A side of Blake’s golden sausage?”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “No, silly. Madeleines, cheese Danish, chocolate croissant? And as for the sausage, trust me, it’s not that golden.” She gave me a knowing look, shaking her head as if it was the saddest thing.

“Such a disappointment.” I feigned sadness.

“Hey—Hey!” Blake glowered, obviously noting our conversation. “What’s with the rubbish talk? Let’s keep it civilized.” He then gave his wife a heated gaze, smoldering with sexual innuendo. “Wife, I look forward to you on your knees, begging. Have fun with your meat-free, vegetarian diet.”

His intense gaze then went to me, making me hide a smile as he lifted his brow. “What brings you to share my bed? My best friend might murder me for this.”

The mention of him brought me out of our silly banter. “I came to talk about him, as a matter of fact. Sleep evaded me last night, so I thought I’d make an early run for coffee and surprise you both.” After I had handed him his coffee, he thanked me as he took a sip then placed it on the side table.

“I need to change into something, then we’ll discuss him, if you don’t mind.”

“Go right on ahead,” I said, not realizing that he was slipping out of the bed stark naked then proceeding to walk towards the en-suite with no care what so ever. “Fuck, Knightly!” I was aghast, yet I couldn’t look away from perfection.

“Babe, I think you’ve traumatized her enough. You can carry on getting ready,” Sienna mused, watching him disappear with an expression that said that she was truly smitten and in love with him.

“I hated Amelia,” she started to say, bringing my gaze to look at her before she continued. “When she came in between us and broke us apart, I never truly got over it. Not with Camilla or Ivanna, either. Well, not until I attended Amelia’s funeral…” She trailed off. “I saw her parents look at Blake in a certain way. I knew they didn’t blame him for the cause of her death, but they had this bereaved look… like they were wondering why he couldn’t have loved their daughter the way she’d obsessed over him.”

“Oh, Sienna.” I reached out to her, holding her hand and giving it a light squeeze. “I don’t want you to remember these horrid events. It wasn’t my intention—”

“No. Of course I know that, Luce, but all I’m saying is that I actually felt bad. I felt sorry for her. It must’ve been grueling to see the man you love be happy with someone else. I now understand her pain.”

Amelia had truly been one difficult character to understand. She had been covered in layers upon layers, hiding the real woman underneath the sass, the bite and the sharp tongue. I understood her, too, in a way. Yet, I still couldn’t fathom the string of pain she had caused for so many people because she had been hurting inside. There was no excuse for such callous behavior, no matter the depth of your bereavement.

We all had our crosses to bear, and it was up to each person how to carry on with that heavy pillar pressing against them, weighing them down until they could no longer take another step on the dusty, cobbled road ahead of them. Or one could at least try, persevere and hope for the best; that sooner rather than later the roads ahead would start to clear their way, making their feet ache less from each step they took.

The cross would always be there, no matter where you went, no matter the stages in life. You just had to endure. You had to appreciate the pain even if it gutted you alive. You had to withstand it all, knowing that others had it worse than you, and yet, they had come out celebrating the journey, proudly bearing their scars. Trusting and loving oneself was the key to not giving up faith, believing that, someday, it would be you rejoicing your journey.

Our mood was somber when Blake strode out with a questioning look about him. I hadn’t come here to bring back the past, I’d come here to deal with present problems.

“I need a key to his place.”

“You could ask him, you know. Have you ever thought of that?”

I gave Blake a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look. “You know he won’t, so why ask?”

Blake shrugged before sitting on the foot of the bed, taking Santini in his arms and showering him with kisses. “He’s having such a gutting time, Luce. Baiting him with something he couldn’t have would be downright cruel.”

“How is wanting to make sure he’s okay considered cruel?”

He arched one aristocratic brow. “Need you ask?”

Well, then… “What if I could help? What if I can get through to him, be there with him?”

“This will put him in a severe situation. What happens when you fancy dating another man? No,” he shook his head disapprovingly, “I will not see my best friend go through another round of hell, Luce.”

“He’s got a point,” Sienna interjected, agreeing with him.

Hurting him wasn’t my intention. I just—I needed to see him, to make sure he was okay. I just needed to… “I can’t say I blame you both for protecting him, but I just want you guys to trust me. I promise I won’t hurt him—I swear on my life. Please, trust me on this?”

Blake was tormented. He didn’t want to break his friend’s trust, yet he knew that he had to save him somehow. “He hasn’t returned my calls, nor has he opened his library door to let me in. He’s holing up in there, quite possibly drowning himself in alcohol. Heavens knows when he’ll eventually resurface.”

I had heard about his alcohol problem after he and I had broken up. However, whenever I had seen him before, he had seemed fine and could handle his drinks like the usual man I’d dated back in the day.

“Guess this is better than not doing much of anything at all. Our efforts aren’t working, so maybe Lucy’s method will,” Sienna said as she got up with her silk chemise, showing a great amount of skin and her toned curves from her dancing. She rummaged into her purse before plucking out her keys. She then took one out, throwing it towards me. It landed on the side of my leg.