Chasing Beautiful (Chasing 1)
Page 19I sighed with a heavy heart, the weight pulling me down, “Kyle…”
“Sienna…,” his voice gruff and anguished, “please,—please—I beg you—all these years I never asked much from you, but I’m begging you now—give me another chance—let’s give us another shot. I won’t let you down this time. I promise you, I’ll figure it out—speak to dad and work in our branch in London—I’ll do anything—I’ll promise you anything—just please, think about it?—we can get married, if you want…I’d give anything to have you back…just please, Sienna, forgive me—and love me again.”
He sounded so broken and extremely desperate.
I sat on the floor leaning on the couch, my lips quivered. What he’s telling me—breaks me in two. If he came clean and was honest about his feelings, we wouldn’t have broken up. We would still be together. Planning our lives, get married and have babies. It was what he talked about. And he threw that out the window because he was lonely.
I was too for the whole time we were apart, but I didn’t act on it. But what I wanted more is trust, honesty and loyalty, he lost on all three counts.
Can I be take him back? Even if—I try to see if it could work out—after what he’s done—I could, possibly, if he showed remorse and guilt. I might’ve before—before Blake told me how he felt about me. Hold on, did he say anything about what he felt? Besides wanting me? No. He hadn’t. His intentions were clear though. He wanted me, in his bed, but other than that—he never spoke about any indication about the future. It was sex he was after—my whole cooperation but not once did he mention he was after my heart.
I mentally shook my head.
It doesn’t matter.
My heart is not up for anyone to grab. Love makes you weak and open for pain and suffering.
Never again! I took a chance with Kyle because he was everything to me then, but he reinstated my beliefs by proving it right.
“Kyle….I forgive you, I do…It would have been easier for us if you told me about your feelings then—how terrible it was for you, but you kept on being silent and never uttered a word to me about your pain—and I’m sorry for that… I am. But asking me to give us another try? That’s a bit too much, I can’t trust you. I’m hurt and still am. I’m so sorry—for everything, but it’s all too late now—I can’t be with you,” my voice trembled, each word punctured me deeply.
Never in a million years had I imagined that I will cause Kyle pain and suffering. I want him to be happy and take all that pain away. He means that much to me, but I can’t sacrifice myself for his happiness.
“So, please, I’m begging you now, Kyle….I need space…I can’t talk for awhile. Maybe in a year—we can be friends again, who knows? But right now, I simply can’t. We just have to move on with our lives—separately…. Goodbye, Kyle…. I’ll always miss you,” those last two sentences were torturous to utter.
The pain in my heart was so acute, I gasped for breath.
I immediately ended the call before he had the chance to speak. I almost ran to the bathroom across the hall, careful not to make a lot of noise and wake up Blake.
The bathroom was dark and comforting. The moment I closed the door; I slid off it and sunk on the cold marble tiles and cried, hard.
I cried because Kyle was the only family I had growing up.
Because he was my best friend, my first love.
It hurts, but I don’t have it in me to forget what Kyle did. He made his bed. He just needs to grow up and accept that sometimes things just doesn’t work the way you pictured it to.
After weeping for like eternity, I washed my face and swollen eyes. And stared at the mirror, studying my distressed state, skin blotchy from crying.
That’s enough crying. You’ve shed it all and you have nothing left. Be strong.
I walked slowly to back to the bedroom, and positioned my body next to a sleeping Blake. Curled up and closed my eyes and prayed sleep to come so I don’t have to think about my life.
Even just for a little while.
Kyle.
He’ll always be a part of me. I will always remember him as the man who took me in, held me close, and protected me.
He was my hero, my love, and my best friend.
Goodbye, my Kyle.
I will always miss you.
Fourteen
Waking up the next day was brutal. My body was cathartic and my head pounded. I groaned and covered my head with a pillow. As much as I want to stay in bed all day, I need to keep moving and find sanity.
Reaching for my phone, I was shocked to find that it was already eleven-thirty. Haul your lazy butt out of bed, Sienna.
Sitting, still on the bed, I decided to text Chad.
Hey, love! Are you busy? Want to meet me @ the studio to let off some steam? -S
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth and studied my reflection. My eyes were red and swollen from crying, skin blotchy and my hair, a tangled mess.
After I showered, I changed into my freshly laundered dress that I wore few days ago. It was time to go back and change. As much as I like wearing Blake’s, I miss my own. Putting on some gloss, I went to go look for him.
I found him in his office/library. He was on a call in a heated discussion and was engrossed with something on his laptop. I backed away and went to the kitchen.
I sat at the breakfast bar enjoying my coffee and croissant, when I received a text from Chad.
Sure, baby love. What time do you want to meet? I’m free now. Want to grab lunch somewhere? Or better yet, how about I come over with Chinese? xxx
Smiling, I eagerly replied to meet in my apartment in an hour and Chinese would suffice.
Putting my phone down, sipping my coffee and enjoying the buttery croissant, when Blake strolled in with what seemed to be an empty coffee mug and with a serious face.
“Everything okay?” I inquired lightly. Wondering where he got his mood from.
He shrugged. “Just work. We’re trying to open a hotel and casino in Marbella—there seemed to be a problem with permits and over budget that I have to look into.”
“That’s unfortunate. I hope you guys can figure out a way to fix that. Marbella’s a very prime location. I’m sure you and your people will figure out a way. You’re good at that.”
Smiling, “thanks for the vote of confidence, poppet.”