Chasing Beautiful (Chasing 1)

Don’t I know it!

“Baby steps Blake,” There was no doubt in my mind that we will be explosive. But I’m trying to delay the inevitable. Once, I let him in, there is no going back. There was no doubt in my mind that he will take everything—he’ll consume me with no concession.

It would be easy to fall for Blake. Most women did.

I will be vulnerable.

Open.

Defenseless.

***

“Loser,” I proclaimed with a little victory dance, hands waving high and hips swaying.

“Don’t count your eggs yet, two more games to go,” he declared playfully.

We were playing scramble. And boy, don’t we get competitive. I’ll show him who’s the BOSS!

I won two-to-one and he was a little annoyed because I kept teasing him. This was the second time I won a round with him and we played possibly a hundred games all together. I was ecstatic and victorious!

I was dancing one of my victory dances again when he pulled me to the couch and tickled me until I was out of breath. Panting loudly as my thoughts provoked.

I badly wanted him to kiss me again, but he never tried. I won’t beg, though I’m dying inside. It was as if the incident this morning never happened. How does he switch off like that? Hot and smoldering to casual and friendly the next?

Standing in the open built-in wine cellar, I was biting and twisting my lips in frustration. My indecisive self contemplated what kind of red wine to drink when he snaked his arm over my shoulder and grab his wine of preference, “How about a Barolo?”

“Was actually thinking of Pinot Noir or that—but you’ve made up my mind. Go get the wine ready. I’ll go fetch the popcorn, Parisian cake, and the fruits.”

I could get used to this domesticated scene with Blake. He’s so easy to be around—charming, thoughtful, witty, and sexy—but most of all he makes me laugh.

It would not be difficult to fall in love with him.

We watched another movie, a third one today. Love Actually, one of our favored movies. It was funny, sad, and heart-warming at the same time.

I snuggled close to him, drawing his heat and the need to just be near him. He pulled me closer and placed my head against his strong solid chest and held me firmly.

I listened to his heart; beating steadily, closing my eyes as he started to stroke my arm gently, and I sighed with blissful contentment.

Life certainly is starting again, whether I want it to or not.

Thirteen

The sound of my ringing tone blaring jolted me awake. I was about to reach for my phone when it suddenly dawned on me that there’s a strong heavy arm clutching my waist.

Blake.

Turning around to see if the noise woke him up, but his steady breathing showed he was fast asleep. I unhooked his draping arm carefully as I slid off the bed, grabbed my phone from the night stand and gently left the bedroom as I softly made my way to the living room.

Why did Blake sleep next to me? He didn’t last night.

Either way, I was happy he did.

The entire flat was dark, but the moonlight helped me find my way around. When my toe touched the plush black area rug, I opened my phone to see who the caller was.

Who would call me during this time? Luce? Jen?

Kyle. It was him, again.

I might as well just get this out of the way if I have to start considering being with Blake. It’s best to clear out as much ‘Kyle baggage’ as I can. The other issues I have, still needs to be worked on. I’ll have to talk to Chad, my g*y go-to person and a very dear friend about this. He’s my unofficial therapist.

After a couple of rings, he picked up.

“God, Sienna! I’ve been going crazy here! Are you okay, baby?” Kyle sounded frantic and he does sound like he was going crazy.

Why is he still pursuing this issue? He made it perfectly obvious what his intentions were the last time I saw him.

“Yeah, Kyle, I’m great! This call better be important if you had to wake me up at FOUR in the morning. So, what do you want, Matthews?” I sounded like how I felt, furious and annoyed.

“Jesus, baby, take it easy—will you? I’ve been trying to reach you, but you’ve been ignori—

“With good reason! I told you—very clearly in fact—not to contact me again. But no, no, no! You never listen to me. I’m hurting—that’s a given. And it wasn’t just our dating relationship that ended—but I lost my childhood best friend too! So, am I okay with that? Not really, but it was your choice. It was your choice to go behind my back—cheat—and started dating Brooke before having the decency—like other men do—to simply break-up with their girlfriend first!” shrieking with erupting anger.

I heard him sigh, heavy and pained.

“I’m sorry, Sienna, baby—I’ve been missing you so badly—I’ve been drinking non-stop and got a DUI. I had a hard time handling things without you. I am hurting too. You left me, even if it was for school…but you left and went on with your life without me. When you call happy and excited about your day, I felt left out—it was you and me against the world since we were kids—but in the end… there was just me. I was lonely—I needed you—but I couldn’t beg you to give up your life for me—you already went through so much with your family—I can’t ask it of you. Breaking it off was the best thing to do…then—and I was getting by….trying to live my life… and worked harder for my career—and it was helping and for the first time since we said our goodbyes at the airport—I felt like I was living again.” He drew air in his lungs before continuing. Crap.

“And when you showed up at Katie’s party, everything went down the drain… all the things I told myself that helped me get through…were forgotten from the moment I saw you again...You looked even more beautiful…,” he sounded choked up, his thoughts and feelings unconcealed.

My stomach churned.

“I simply wanted you—I needed you, still I need you, Sienna—like air to breathe. You’re my life, and I can’t simply go on living and not be with you. Without you in it—I was in hell. I’m desperate for you…and without a doubt…in my mind, my heart that I’m still hopelessly in love with you, Sienna,” his voice barely a whisper. I wouldn’t have heard him if the apartment wasn’t so eerily quiet.

Oh Kyle! This conversation’s killing me inside. He’s dying from pain. I felt it. I felt his pain and it tears me up inside because I don’t want him to hurt, I love him—but I can’t—I’m beyond hurt. I was betrayed by someone who I placed so highly—and appallingly let me down. That’s something I can’t get past—or forget about.