Blindness

“I want to look at you, and I want you to see me…what you do to me,” he says, his voice cracking and his breathing heavy and ragged. “Your touch, Charlie, is it for me. You’re the end of me—and the beginning. And I will fight for you; I will always fight for you.”

I can’t help the small tear that falls from my eye when he speaks, and he reaches up with his thumb to wipe it away. I grab his hand as he does and kiss his fingers softly, pushing his thumb in my mouth so I can suck on it lightly. My entire body is on the verge, and I know the next time he pushes into me will be the one to force me over the edge. And I’m begging for it, whimpering with each tease, until he finally moves inside of me with force, and I completely lose all control, collapsing against his body with cries as I feel him throb inside of me.

“Oh my god, Charlie. It’s so good…you feel so good,” he says, burying his face in my hair and holding my head to his tightly.

Words escape me; instead, I cry out his name and just breathe, hard and steady, until every nerve in my body feels satisfied. We don’t move for several minutes and just lay there together, still connected, and running our fingertips along one another’s backs and arms. Cody’s the first to break when he tilts my head up and brushes my damp hair to the side, kissing my forehead between my eyes. “Let me shower with you…please?” he says, making a puppy dog face, an adorable new one I’ve never seen him make before. I nod yes, and he rolls to the side of the bed and tells me to join him when I’m ready.

I wait for the water to heat up. I enter the bathroom and slide open the small door to his shower. It’s a tight space, so we have to hold one another under the water. Cody doesn’t waste any time and starts kissing me the moment I touch him. They’re different kisses—not the needy ones from moments ago. These feel familiar and adoring.

“Stay. Stay tonight. I know…” he pauses, swallowing hard, and looking up at the ceiling to let out a big breath. “I know you still have things…unfinished things you need to take care of. But I can’t be without you tonight. I want to hold you, feel you, wake up at strange hours and have you here. So just stay…just tonight. Please?”

My pulse is racing with panic from everything Cody just said. Trevor—I haven’t thought about Trevor once since I ran from the club into the rain-slicked city streets. I sent him that text, and he could be looking for me, and he could burst in here at any moment. But I look at Cody’s eyes, and they’re beseeching me. And I want to stay, more than I’ve ever wanted to be anywhere.

“I’ll stay. But tomorrow…I need to talk to him,” I say, purposely not saying his name. I know if I do, I won’t be able to go through with tonight—that I’ll spend the next hours awake, and filled with worry. And I want to fulfill my dreams tonight, here in Cody’s arms.

Cody shuts the water off and wraps my body in a towel, kissing my head as he spins me around to face him. “Tomorrow,” he says, smiling, and brushing his thumb over my cheek and bottom lip, pulling my chin to him and bringing me into another full kiss.

He gives me a soft shirt from one of his bike tours to wear to bed, and I take in his smell as I pull it over my body. I’m never giving it back, and I might wear it under everything I own.

The room is dark when I leave the bathroom, but I can see the bed. Cody’s holding his quilt up high for me to crawl into him, and after I do, he reaches over me to turn on the lamp. I smile when I see the small paper still taped to the shade, the tiny holes making the celestial miracle on his ceiling. I can’t help the smile that spans my face when I look up at his stars, and I also can’t keep my eyes from falling closed. I’m no match for my exhaustion, despite how badly I want to lay awake to take in every ticking second of my night with Cody.

But as I fade, I look into his eyes once more, and watch him stroke my hair and look at me with nothing but love. I know he will spend the night doing exactly that, and somehow I don’t want to take that away from him. I let him be the one to capture it all, and I let my lids fall shut for a final time, not cracking them once until morning.

Chapter 16: Abrupt and Sudden

There’s a dull pounding sound, somewhere in the distance. I’m so comfortable, so happy—the last thing I want to do is leave the coolness of these sheets against my face. Where am I? Why are these sheets so soft? And that pounding…it’s so loud.

“Oh my god, Cody!” I say, sitting up and gathering his quilt around me.

Cody is on his feet in a flash, searching the floor for his jeans. He finally finds an old pair of board shorts and slides them on, hopping from his bedroom to the front door. He comes back seconds later with Jessie trailing behind him, her hand covering her eyes, but cracking between the fingers so she can look right at us.