Beautiful Disaster (Beautiful #1)

Holding her a little closer I roll us over, laying her down so I can let my hands and mouth roam all over her body. She keeps writhing under me, clearly enjoying herself while her fingers never leave my hair, not even when she decisively presses my head down between her legs. I cock one eyebrow as I look up at her face, only getting a wide grin in return.

"Oh just because you're done doesn't mean I am. And you told me I need to get more vocal and assertive, so this is me vocally and assertively telling you to eat me out! So what are you waiting fooo - aaah!"

I let her continue to be vocal for a while then, and it isn't exactly hard to make her come again after doing so already twice before. Her hands stay in my hair and I love the way she keeps scraping her nails over my scalp while her hips buck underneath me.

When she seems satisfied for good I move back up her body, kissing and licking every patch of her sweaty, slowly cooling skin that I can reach, until I am back at my preferred spot – making her squeal as I suck on the side of her neck. I'm a little tempted to leave a hickey but rein myself in before her skin can bruise up – as much as I love the idea of Bella being twitchy because Charlie might see it, I don't want him mad at me for marking his baby girl up. The irony of that thought cracks me up again, and I only stop chuckling when Bella kisses me.

"So," she starts once she can unglue myself from my lips.

"So?"

"So, how was I?"

I laugh at the expectant face she's making, then kiss her until her slight frown goes away.

"Amazing. Mean. Amazingly mean. My brain hasn't clocked back in for a more versed answer yet."

Seeing her bright smile warms my heart, and I have to kiss her, postponing any further discussion until we're both breathless and panting again.

Remembering that we have places to be I get up, and resisting the urge to just throw her over my shoulder as usual I offer her my hand instead.

Clearly thinking along the same lines as I Bella laughs and lets me draw her to her feet, and we exit the playroom together, taking the towel and toys with us to let them soak in the sink while we take a well needed shower together.

I'm still not quite out of my submissive head spacewhen we hit the soothing spray, and Bella doesn't object when I take over soaping up her entire body, kissing and caressing her instead of my usual playful groping. She clearly enjoys herself, and doesn't comment when I try to be more of a gentleman than usual. I know she loves my obnoxious, teasing side but I have to admit, today of all days I'm more comfortable with not drawing reproachful stares at myself.

Lunch with Sue and Charlie is a surprisingly boring yet pleasantly comfortable affair, and later that afternoon Bella and I curl up on the couch in front of the tv together. Even with some stretching afterwards my muscles ache, and whenever anything rubs against my balls or cock I feel a slightly painful sensation spreading through my groin. It doesn't bother me, I've toughed out worse, but I'm still surprised Bella has been the one to cause it, all by herself. To say I'm amazed is really an understatement.

"So," I restart our previously dropped conversation as I feel her snuggling into my side, her hand idly stroking my thigh.

"So?" she echoes, then laughs. "Feeling more coherent now?"

"A little. So, how did you like our little session in the morning?"

Bella smiles, her fingers drawing idle patterns on my sweat pants.

"Shouldn't I ask you that first? I mean you were the one with a higher possibility of not liking everything there."

As if to underscore her words she reaches for my cock, eliciting a partly painful groan from me, but when she wants to withdraw her hand I stop her while I stare deeply into her eyes.

"Trust me, I might not have been up for a second round just then, but any residual ache will only keep me quite horny for the next day or so. Don't worry about me."

A somewhat hungry look passes her eyes for a moment, but Bella remains serious.

"Okay, feel free to live up to that claim until you have to leave for the hospital in, oh, three hours? Gonna be a long, lonely night, Dr. Cullen."

I wait until she's done laughing at me, and she luckily stops evading my question then.

"It was great, if a little scary. As you can guess Beth gave me a handful of pointers but I was still a little apprehensive at first. I mean, I get that you're the guy who loves having his junk all tied up but when I actually saw you cock go all red I wasn't so sure I wasn't entirely out of my league there."

"You know I would have used my safeword if I'd felt like you were having problems judging things, right?"

"You looked pretty much gone by the end."

Trying to kiss her frown away again, I smile reassuringly at her.

"Maybe, but not that far. I know how just about enough feels, and I also know how too much feels. You were well away from both all the time. Don't worry, unless we get really into switching and do this on a regular basis I will never entirely let my guard done. Not because I don't trust you, but because I'd rather break a scene myself than force you to deal with having to pick me off the floor, emotionally, when things go downhill fast."

She nods, looking relieved rather than miffed.

"Good. Because as much as I had fun today, and it really was great to make you beg for once, I don't think we'll ever get there."

Pushing herself up then she straddles me, letting her forehead touch mine.

"I just love being the one who does the begging too much."

We kiss for a while, until she pulls back, an expectant look on her face.

"Amazingly mean, eh? Care to elaborate?"

"Honestly, you really surprised me with how far you went and what you did, and not just because you woke me up at the crack of dawn. I have to admit, I really underestimated you."

She looks smug at that, then her face turns thoughtful.

"Well, I figured that when I do this, I might as well do it right and not half-ass it. And after our recent conversations I figured I should trust in myself to live up to my own expectations, seeing as I'm trying to get you to do the same."

Her words puzzle me, but only the part about myself.

"You think I don't do that?"

Bella shrugs, a little uncomfortable, but she replies nevertheless.

"Sometimes. I don't know, ever since things got okay between us again you seem so ready to set yourself up for disappointment. You know, eating everything up, waiting for the other shoe to drop, being all angry and reclusive. Sometimes I really think I'm the only one here who knows that you won't go off and disappoint me again."

I want to interrupt her there but she shushes me with her fingers pressed lightly against my mouth.

"Please, let me say this, then you can protest all you want. As I said before, I'm sorry I didn't realize that you were still beating yourself up over that whole fuckup with Jazz. I should have stepped out of my bubble and seen that this time it's not for the best to try to make everything right. You need time to heal, and that's okay. I never wanted you to feel like I'm not one hundred percent on your side. And while I might have reacted weirdly when you finally opened yourself to me, I really appreciate your openness. So in a way today was my little thank you for speaking your mind. I was hoping that when you saw me stepping out of my comfort zone simply because I could you'd feel better about returning to your own. And yes, I know I'm rambling and not making any sense here, but do you get what I mean?"

"I guess. If you can be in charge and fearless about messing up so can I, right? Thank you."

I first kiss her nose, then when she starts laughing devour her mouth instead until my lips are tingling. Bella is beaming at me when we part.

"And, you know, if it takes me fucking your ass on a regular basis so you get your confidence back, I can totally live with that. And I hope you love our new toy as much as I do."

"Definitely."

While she returns to my side for more snuggling, my mind mulls over what she just said.

"Do you really feel like I lost my confidence in myself?"

She seems surprised at the question but answers quickly.

"Not when you're in the playroom. But yes, sometimes when you shake off your damn hot badass Dom persona, you seem a little lost and disillusioned. Doesn't fit you, and there's no need for it, really. You're a great guy, and I'm not just saying that because you let me tie up your cock.

You definitely need to get rid of that insecurity again, asap."

I smile at the way she pops the P of the abbreviation, then incline my head.

"Okay. I'll try."

It's a weird thought, because I actually never felt not confident about myself, at least not for a long time now. Prone to fuck up, yes, but not on the scale Bella mentions.

"Awesome."

I laugh at her giddy tone, then feel my evil side rear it's head.

"You know what would help me?"

"No, what?" she asks eagerly.

"You not wearing any underwear until the play party at Beth's."

"What?"

Bella's indignant squeak makes me laugh, and I kiss her suddenly less than welcoming mouth.

"No panties then. You're right, I don't want other guys staring at your bouncing tits."

"How could that possibly help you regain your confidence?" she quips, but I can tell from the way she keeps rubbing her thighs together that the thought of going commando isn't so unappealing for her.

"For one, it's a huge turn-on for any Dom to know their sub is constantly available, and probably spending her time thinking about getting fucked. On the other hand, if you have confidence in me, it's easier to fall in line with you myself. And it's hard to keep moping around when you have the best of distractions ever strutting around partly naked."

Smiling sweetly Bella gets up then and dutifully ditches her panties before donning her yoga pants again.

"Happy?"

"Actually no because you dressed again, but happier, yes. And I'll be even happier when I see you wearing that corset again."

"Soon," Bella promises, then leans into me again. I can't help but smile. Life is good. And with every day it keeps getting a little better.

Chapter 14

As usual time flies when things are good, and before I know it, it is Friday evening, the day before Beth's play party. I have to admit, I'm excited about seeing some of the people of the community again I more or less lost contact with after Bella and I got together. Not that I have been avoiding them, on the contrary, but as we never actually got to go to any of the community events, be it a munch or a play party, I haven't seen most of them in months. Between working and being occupied keeping my lovely Bella happily satisfied, meeting others just doesn't have the priority it used to have. After all, one of the primary reasons I hung out with them all was to find someone to play with - and with that need no longer arising, I'm afraid I've turned into a veritable hermit.

"Why are you grinning like that?"

I turn my head and try to smother my excitement a little, seeing as Bella doesn't seem to share it - at least not without some reservations. She's been mostly quiet tonight, which is rather unusual for her.

"Ah, nothing."

"Don't you 'nothing' me, I know that look, Edward."

Deciding to keep things light, I let some of the lust I feel seep into my gaze.

"Guess."

A hint of a blush graces her cheeks when realization hits her, but Bella keeps her calm.

"So much for your promise to be at your best behavior tomorrow," she huffs.

I shrug, then lean closer to her so I can kiss her jaw gently.

"I don't intend to break my word. But that doesn't mean I have to sit on my hands and be all glum about it, and turn into some kind of Kink Grinch or something."

A bright smile takes over her face at that, and she shakes her head in silent laughter. When she turns to look at me again a residue of that mirth remains, plastering a similar smile onto my face in turn.

"While it's a little disconcerting, it's good to see you so carefree again."

"Carefree?" I prompt, then, "disconcerting?"

"You know, that thing where you don't expect hell to swallow you up and hurl you into an abyss of eternal torment? And disconcerting because I can guess why you're so damn happy to go there," she grumbles.

"Which is?"

Bella glares at me for a moment, her smile slowly draining from her face, but then she actually looks aggravated rather than petulantly grumpy.

"Because you finally get to meet your friends again, friends I've inadvertently kept you from. I'm sure you must be looking forward to seeing them again."

"Sure I do," I admit, wondering why she seems so moody. "But you haven't kept me from anyone. I just prefer your company to those of others. And you know that I'm usually working at least parts of the weekends, so it had nothing to do with you in most cases anyway."

I can see that she doesn't buy my attempt to lighten her mood, so I reach over and gently cup her cheek, stroking her softly. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch, and I can feel her relax.

"You know, for all the fun you have when playing the mean badass, you're still a bad liar, Edward."

Her suddenly teasing tone makes me crack up, and I'm relieved her smile is back when I quiet down again. Still feeling like I should set her straight on this, I draw her closer to me until her knee is touching my thigh where she's sitting next to me on the couch.

"Okay, yes, you might be the reason why I lost touch with some of them.

But in a good way. I've been lonely for so long, so I had the time and drive to be pretty active in the community. Since we hooked up I don't need to find someone else, because I already have you, the woman of my dreams.

Also, it's much more convenient to order you to kneel before me and suck me off than go out, find a sub who is maybe compatible with my preferences, and after endless negotiations have them do the same. So don't feel bad from keeping me from that, you actually preserve what little free time I have left."

I don't even try to evade her punch, but wince slightly when her fist connects with my upper arm. For a moment I'm tempted to launch myself at her and ravish her on the floor while I keep her pinned and helpless, but like so often, I don't think letting sex distract our conversation is a good idea. And I can still do the ravishing later.

"You cocky bastard," Bella huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why, yes, I think that's one of my more redeeming qualities?"

She rolls her eyes at me but when I don't react she exhales loudly, and I can see her eyes cloud over with concern again.

"Okay, I see I can't nudge you into us not having this conversation. You really used to be easier to manipulate when our relationship was days old and you were horny non-stop."

"Trust me, the horniness hasn't receded that much. And you shouldn't even try to manipulate me, ever."

She huffs again, unperturbed by my slightly chiding tone.

"Gee, yeah, I know, me bad, bad sub for attempting to top from the bottom.

Feel free to spank my bad sub bottom any time for it. But that aside, you know what I mean."

"Just spit it out, what has your panties in a twist?" There I feel my smile morph into a lopsided grin again. "Oh, right, you aren't wearing any panties!

How could I forget that."

Her weighted gaze is answer enough, but she goes on without letting me tease her too much.

"There will probably be several of your previous subs there, too, right?"

I nod, momentarily not quite understanding why she's suddenly starting to fidget, but then the proverbial light bulb goes on in my mind.

"Are you jealous because I played with them before we got together?"

"No, of course not, I'm -"

She trails off with a huff, then shakes her head as if to underscore her words, but the way she keeps avoiding me tells a different tale. I briefly consider assuring her she has nothing to fear, but then decide against it.

This is rapidly turning into one of those moments were Bella acts like a stereotypical woman - although she has yet to ask me if I think she looks fat in skinny jeans - and I feel like I have to stop this, right now.

"Bella," I say, stressing her name enough for her eyes to quickly move to my face.

"Hm?"

I can tell she's playing dumb, or deliberately trying to ignore the implication of my change in tone.

"Get up and stand in front of me."

She moves quickly enough that I realize that she knows what I'm up to, although the look on her face is a very long shot from meek.

"Strip."

She slides down her pants without protest and leaves them pooling on the floor, then pulls her shirt over her head and unclasps her bra, all without hesitation. Her step towards me causes her knees to brush between my spread legs where she stops, and with some afterthought she brings her arms behind her back, loosely clasping the opposite elbow with her hands.

I let my eyes roam over her beautiful body, giving her time to see how much I appreciate the view, before I beckon her towards me.

"Straddle my legs."

She lithely climbs onto my lap, her naked thighs pressing into the rough denim of my jeans. I run my hands up and down her legs, pleased that she keeps her arms where they are while her spine is straight, her head upright, not a hint of shame anywhere in her posture.

"Good girl."

A smile is tugging on the corner of her mouth as she inclines her head, then murmurs softly, "Thank you, Master."

Of course now my cock's as hard as ever and begging to be buried in her warm, willing cunt spread right before me, but I do my best not to lose my calm. For one I'm doing this for a reason, and getting the right answers out of her should go before satisfying my need. Although demanding her to give them while I fuck the living shit out of her is appealing, too.

"Let's try this again. Why are you so twitchy and broody tonight? You said before you wanted to go to this play party, I hope you didn't lie to me then?"

She shakes her head without hesitation, her eyes seeking mine to convey her honesty better.

"Of course I didn't lie. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm exited and scared out of my mind at the same time. I think that's making me a little irrational, Sir."

I smile my encouragement at her while my hands find her ass, kneading her taut muscles there.

"And?"

"And I guess while I'm not exactly jealous of you playing with others before me, I'm apprehensive of meeting them. I know my own limits are quite lower than some of theirs probably were, and I think that makes me feel kind of ... inadequate."

Somehow that is like deja-vu to me.

"Do we really have to have this conversation again, Bella?" I gently chide her, and a hint of a shameful blush appears high on her cheeks.