Barely Breathing

After everything we'd been through, all the nights sharing and revealing what no one else knew, I couldn't deny that there was something between us. I felt it the first night he stayed up with me. Our horrific lives and recurring nightmares bonded us in a way that was difficult to explain.

But I also believed there was something more to what kept him up at night. Something he couldn't yet face himself. The source of all the fury that waited to be unleashed with the slightest trigger. The thought of it made my pulse race.

I closed my eyes to try to calm my thoughts and push it all away―the intensity in his eyes, the confidence in his words... the touch of his lips.

"Emma?"

I opened my eyes with a start to find Analise in the doorway. I didn't hear her coming up the stairs. Her lips were drawn tight, not her usual bubbly self. I remained frozen, cautious of her serious disposition. From the grim look on her face, I began to wonder if she'd overheard our call. My face flushed with the thought.

"Evan's in the shower," I said, trying to sound composed.

"I know," she replied simply. "I wanted to talk to you."

I held my breath.

"I never told anyone about what I saw, you know," she revealed, taking a few steps into the room but not getting any closer. My eyes flickered in confusion, so she explained, "That night you were hurt. I was at the house, helping Vivian." I nodded, not wanting her to recount the entire story. "That was when I realized how much he loved you."

I swallowed hard and glanced down at my phone. I quickly shoved it in my pocket, as if it were branding my hand with guilt.

"I'd hoped he didn't," she stated flatly. I puckered my lips to ask what she meant, but she didn't let me speak. "You're not the easiest person to like. You're pretty depressing most of the time. I didn't think you deserved him."

Shock bolted through me, not expecting her brutal honesty. I never considered she had it in her. "What's your point, besides letting me know how miserable I am?" I defended coolly.

Analise didn't seem fazed by my tone. "My point is... he loves you. I mean it's obvious to everyone how much he cares for you, but I was hoping he didn't really love you, not like that―not like I saw when he held you that night. Like your pain was his and he would do anything in the world for you, to protect you."

I looked down, biting at my lower lip.

"All I have to say is that he's the most amazing person I've ever met, and I'd give anything for someone to love me like that, so you'd better deserve him, Emma."

I looked up at her with my mouth drawn open, speechless. She turned away and walked downstairs just as the door was opening at the bottom.

"Hi, Analise," Evan acknowledged.

"Hi, Evan," she chirped happily, not a hint of the threatening tone she'd had a few seconds before.

I was still shaking off her words when Evan entered. He tightened his eyes at the sight of my stunned expression and asked, "Is everything okay? Did something happen between you and Analise?"

I shook my head, still recovering from her blow. I tried to smile and finally said, "No, she was just asking how I was feeling."

"Oh, that's nice of her," he replied skeptically. "You're still okay that she and I are friends, right?"

"Of course," I answered lightly, but for the first time, actually meaning it. "She cares about you, and everyone needs a friend looking out for them like that."

Evan drew his brows together like I'd just spoken in a foreign language. "Okay," he said slowly. Then a breathtaking smile spread across his face. "So I have something to show you."

My lips turned up at the excitement flickering in his blue eyes. "What is it?"

"Come with me and find out." He took my hand and pulled me from the couch. I released Analise's words of warning, and Jonathan's words of want, leaving them behind as I followed after Evan.

"Close your eyes," Evan requested.

I scrunched my face, "Do I have to?"

Evan released a breathy laugh. "No, you don't have to."

He held my hand and led me along the back of the house, eagerly awaiting my reaction. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be seeing until we neared the large oak tree that sat on the edge of the property.

My eyes glistened as a slow smile spread across my face. "Omigod," I breathed.

"I wanted you to have something good to hold on to. Something that would remind you of him, but also let you know that you'll always be here with me."

I smiled wider and turned to him, engulfing him in the tightest hug. "Thank you. I love it," I choked in a gasp of emotion.

I pressed up on my toes to reach him. He breathed into me, his firm lips sliding over my mine making my entire body hum.

Evan pulled away and asked, "Aren't you going to try it?"

"Yes," I answered enthusiastically, turning back to the tree. "Did you make it?" I wrapped my hands around the ropes and pulled my body up onto the board, balancing myself as the seat tilted beneath me.

"I did," he revealed proudly. "Not sure how steady the board is though."

"It's perfect," I glowed, pumping my legs as I leaned back. My healing ribs tweaked uncomfortably as I gained momentum, but I dismissed the tenderness. Nothing was going to keep me from enjoying this moment.

I couldn't release the smile on my face as the branches above me grew closer with each extension of my legs. I closed my eyes and felt the rush of air on my face and the flitter in my stomach as I swung back and forth. My throat closed, and I captured the tears beneath my eyelids. I was so overcome with emotion, my chest felt like it might burst.

I opened my eyes and searched for him when I couldn't find him in front of me. He was leaning against the tree with his arms crossed, watching. A tear rolled over my smiling cheek as his eyes danced with glints of light.

I knew how much he loved me. And I knew I didn't deserve it. But I also knew he was the only one I loved. The only one I would ever love.

43. Spontonaeity

"This is a perfect beach day!" I declared sarcastically while we walked against the whipping wind that flooded my body with goose bumps.

"It's not that bad," Sara defended, her arms folded around several blankets. "The sun's out."

"Wish I could feel it," I griped, carrying a bag of food and another of "beach toys" that the guys had packed. Sara rolled her eyes and kept walking.

We were somehow able to spread out the blanket. The guys lowered the cooler on one corner to keep it from blowing away. I set the bags on two other corners, and Sara tucked the fourth in the sand.

I ventured toward the shoreline to take in the rolling waves with my arms tucked against my body, warding off the cold wind that blew my hair from my face. Evan wrapped his arms around me and spoke in my ear. "Want to get under a blanket with me?"

I turned toward him and smirked. "Are you propositioning me?"

"Maybe," he replied coyly, bending down to kiss me.

Evan grabbed one of the blankets and sat down with his arms spanned wide, waiting for me to lower myself in front of him. I leaned back between his knees and he wrapped the blanket around us. My body temperature elevated instantly.

"Much better," I smiled, continuing to watch the waves crash before us.

"Really, it's not that cold." Sara shook her head at us.

"Do you know what would be great right about now?" Jared proposed. "Hot chocolate."

"Yes!" I exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Too bad," Sara shot back. "I didn't pack any."

"Want us to go buy some?" Evan suggested.

"No," I returned quickly. "You're keeping me warm."

"Fine," Sara huffed, "if you really want some, we'll go." She stood up and waited for Jared before heading toward the boardwalk in search of a coffee shop.

Evan held me against him, and I got lost in the waves, mesmerized by their rhythm. Every once in awhile I could feel the heat of the sun on my face, fighting through the gusts.

"It really isn't that bad," Evan said in my ear.

"Yes it is," I countered, "but I'm good as long as you stay here." I pulled his arms tighter around me and snuggled under his chin.

"So I have the perfect night planned out."

"Really?" I questioned, knowing he meant the night before prom. "And why do you get to do all the planning? Maybe I wanted to."

"Umm, okay," he responded hesitantly. "How about we split up the weekend? I have the night before, and you have prom night."

"That's not exactly fair," I argued. "Your night is already going to be better than mine since we're having sex."

Evan laughed. "We don't have to."

"Oh yes we do," I stressed. "Okay, fine. It's probably not going to be that great anyway, so you have Friday, and I'll have Saturday. And mine will be better."

"You're making this into a competition?" he mused with a chuckle.

"Yeah," I grinned. "And wait until you see me in my prom dress. You're definitely going to say my night is better."

"But my night, I get to see you without anything on at all, so I'm pretty certain mine will be better."

I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow. Evan released a groaning laugh and tilted me back so I was looking up at him. He wrapped the blanket tighter around us and kissed me. His cheeks felt hot against my cold nose. I slid my arms around his neck, and he enveloped us in the dark, pulling the blanket over our heads.

The sand shifted under me as he laid me down. Evan lowered himself beside me with his leg between mine. I pulled him closer, finding his lips again, the heat of his breath swirling through me with the touch of his tongue. My heart beat erratically as he pressed closer, his hand sliding across my stomach, underneath my layers.

I ran my fingers in his hair, releasing an excited breath as his mouth trailed along my neck. I could feel his body tense as I held him tight against me, breathing heavily. He pulled up, but I couldn’t read his face.

"What is it?" The sun blinded me as Evan pulled back the blanket to peek out.

"I thought I heard them," he said, dropping the blanket again. He lowered back down to kiss me.

Before we could get too worked up, I interrupted with, "They will probably be back soon." The brief interlude made me realize we were in the middle of the beach, and despite how secluded it felt under the blanket, I could only imagine what it looked like to anyone walking by.

"Yeah," Evan groaned reluctantly, folding the blanket back.

I sat up and smoothed my hair into a ponytail. Evan ran his hand along my back as he remained lying on the blanket with his arm under his head.

"Two weeks," he sighed. I grinned.

"We don't have to wait until then," I offered. "It doesn't have to be planned."

"But I have a plan," he returned. "So, I can wait."

I smiled. "You're funny."

"Why?" he questioned smiling too.

"All of your surprises," I explained. "You come across spontaneous, but the truth is you plan out everything. And Sara thinks I'm bad."