See it catch, see it burn. Then run. Use the kitchen stairwell and exit out the mudroom door.
Remember, take your gas can with you and return it to the boathouse.
See you at Cuddledown. We’ll put our clothes in the washer there, change, then go and watch the blaze before we call the fire departments.
Those are the last words I said to any of them. Johnny and Mirren went to the top two floors of Clairmont carrying cans of gas and bags of old newspapers for kindling.
I kissed Gat before he went down to the basement. “See you in a better world,” he said to me, and I laughed.
We were a bit drunk. We’d been at the aunties’ leftover wine since they left the island. The alcohol made me feel giddy and powerful until I stood in the kitchen alone. Then I felt dizzy and nauseated.
The house was cold. It felt like something that deserved to be destroyed. It was filled with objects over which the aunties fought. Valuable art, china, photographs. All of them fueled family anger. I hit my fist against the kitchen portrait of Mummy, Carrie, and Bess as children, grinning for the camera. The glass on it shattered and I stumbled back.
The wine was muddling my head now. I wasn’t used to it.
The gas can in one hand and the bag of kindling in the other, I decided to get this done as fast as possible. I doused the kitchen first, then the pantry. I did the dining room and was soaking the living room couches when I realized I should have started at the end of the house farthest from the mudroom door. That was our exit. I should have done the kitchen last so I could run out without wetting my feet with gasoline.
Stupid.
The formal door that opened onto the front porch from the living room was soaked already, but there was a small back door, too. It was by Granddad’s study and led to the walkway down to the staff building. I would use that.
I doused part of the hall and then the craft room, feeling a wave of sorrow for the ruin of Gran’s beautiful cotton prints and colorful yarns. She would have hated what I was doing. She loved her fabrics, her old sewing machine, her pretty, pretty objects.
Stupid again. I had soaked my espadrilles in fuel.
All right. Stay calm. I’d wear them until I was done and then toss them into the fire behind me as I ran outside.
In Granddad’s study I stood on the desk, splashing bookshelves up to the ceiling, holding the gas can far away from me. There was a fair amount of gas left, and this was my last room, so I soaked the books heavily.
Then I wet the floor, piled the kindling on it, and backed into the small foyer that led to the rear door. I got my shoes off and threw them onto the stack of magazines. I stepped onto a square of dry floor and set the gas can down. Pulled a matchbook from the pocket of my jeans and lit my paper towel roll.
I threw the flaming roll into the kindling and watched it light. It caught, and grew, and spread. Through the double-wide study doors, I saw a line of flame zip down the hallway on one side and into the living room on the other. The couch lit up.
Then, before me, the bookshelves burst into flames, the gas-soaked paper burning quicker than anything else. Suddenly the ceiling was alight. I couldn’t look away. The flames were terrible. Unearthly.
Then someone screamed.
And screamed again.
It was coming from the room directly above me, a bedroom. Johnny was working on the second floor. I had lit the study, and the study had burned faster than anywhere else. The fire was rising, and Johnny wasn’t out.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. I threw myself at the back door but found it heavily bolted. My hands were slippery with gas. The metal was hot already. I flipped the bolts—one, two, three—but something went wrong and the door stuck.
Another scream.
I tried the bolts again. Failed. Gave up.
I covered my mouth and nose with my hands and ran through the burning study and down the flaming hallway into the kitchen. The room wasn’t lit yet, thank God. I rushed across the wet floor toward the mudroom door.
Stumbled, skidded, and fell, soaking myself in the puddles of gasoline.
The hems of my jeans were burning from my run through the study. The flames licked out to the gas on the kitchen floor and streaked across to the wooden farmhouse cabinetry and Gran’s cheery dish towels. Fire zipped across the mudroom exit in front of me and I could see my jeans were now alight as well, from knee to ankle. I hurled myself toward the mudroom door, running through flames.
“Get out!” I yelled, though I doubted anyone could hear me. “Get out now!”
Outside I threw myself onto the grass. Rolled until my pants stopped burning.
I could see already that the top two floors of Clairmont were glowing with heat, and my own ground floor was fully alight. The basement level, I couldn’t tell.
“Gat? Johnny? Mirren? Where are you?”
No answer.
Holding down panic, I told myself they must be out by now.
Calm down. It would all be okay. It had to.
“Where are you?” I yelled again, beginning to run.
Again, no answer.
They were likely at the boathouse, dropping their gas cans. It wasn’t far, and I ran, calling their names as loud as I could. My bare feet hit the wooden walkway with a strange echo.
The door was closed. I yanked it open. “Gat! Johnny? Mirren!”
No one there, but they could already be at Cuddledown, couldn’t they? Wondering what was taking me so long.
A walkway stretches from the boathouse past the tennis courts and over to Cuddledown. I ran again, the island strangely hushed in the dark. I told myself over and over: They will be there. Waiting for me. Worrying about me.
We will laugh because we’re all safe. We will soak my burns in ice water and feel all kinds of lucky.
We will.
But as I came upon it, I saw the house was dark.
No one waited there.
I tore back to Clairmont, and when it came into view it was burning, bottom to top. The turret room was lit, the bedrooms were lit, the windows of the basement glowed orange. Everything hot.
I ran to the mudroom entry and pulled the door. Smoke billowed out. I pulled off my gas-soaked sweater and jeans, choking and gagging. I pushed my way in and entered the kitchen stairwell, heading toward the basement.
Halfway down the steps there was a wall of flames. A wall.
Gat wasn’t out. And he wasn’t coming.
I turned back and ran up toward Johnny and Mirren, but the wood was burning beneath my feet.
The banister lit up. The stairwell in front of me caved in, throwing sparks.
I reeled back.
I could not go up.
I could not save them.
There was nowhere
nowhere
nowhere
nowhere now to go but down.