With a growl, he launched back into the kiss, dragging her gown upward around her hips, freeing her to wrap her legs around him while he ground against her. Every inch of him was hard, the pressure exquisite. She absolutely longed for him to plunge his fingers—or something else—inside her, but she had a feeling the sweet relief would only cripple her.
“This is new,” he murmured against her lips. “Wanting you like this.”
“How do you want me?”
He pulled back to kiss her neck, then closed his teeth gently on her ear. The contact sent an unexpected thrill through her, almost distracting her from the unanswered question.
Almost, but not quite.
“How do you want me?” she asked again.
He kissed her, sweetly this time, tugging on her lip. “I want to fuck you, hard, right here against this rock. I want to fuck you so hard you scream, and I don’t care who hears you.”
Welcome back, caveman.
She really, really liked where this was headed…or she did until that once familiar haunted look touched his eyes, and he withdrew. Not so much literally, but she felt it.
“I want to, but you deserve more than that.” There was a hitch to his tone. Maybe it was the countdown.
“For what it’s worth,” she said softly, “there’s something to be said for being fucked hard against a rock.”
He didn’t meet her smile, much less return it. The night bathed him in a bedroom light, but instead of leaving her thinking about every delicious, physical thing he’d ever done to her there, she felt him slipping away. Detaching.
“You said this was a first, wanting me like this. What did you want before?”
He stepped away from the rock, bringing her with him, and gently eased her to her feet. Her dress fell more or less back into place, but she wasn’t worried about that. She worried instead about the look in his eyes.
“I wanted to make love to you.”
The words shot through her. They felt right. Too right.
He pushed his fingers through his hair. The effect was sexy. Devastatingly so. “But I guess that was stupid, wasn’t it?”
“What? Why?”
“Because this was temporary. We both knew that going in.”
Her heart crumbled. She knew good-byes were in their future, but increasingly, she’d wanted that to be the temporary part. She wanted them to have a chance.
“I think we can make it work,” she said
His gaze cut to hers. “What are you talking about?”
“I want to come back to you.” Saying the words out loud nearly brought her to her knees. They’d been at the back of her mind, a quiet whisper of a suggestion that she had made a habit of pushing back, but everything with Ethan was so right. With all they had between them, there was nothing left to deny. And she knew he felt the same way because he didn’t play games. He was raw and he was real and she had to believe he wasn’t faking this thing with her. She’d been terrified that he’d never be ready for something more, so she’d talked herself into pretending that she was all about it being temporary for the sake of her career. But the truth was, with all of her career goals within reach, she wanted more. And she could have it, but only if he wanted to meet her halfway.
God, she hoped he’d meet her halfway.
He held her gaze for a long time. Long enough for her to think he might admit that he agreed.
“I’ve never had anyone to come home to,” she said, wishing he’d say something already. “I think you’re that guy.”
“No,” he said, already shaking his head. “I’m not that guy.”
His words numbed her like none ever had. She wasn’t even sure she’d heard him right. There was no way she had imagined this thing between them, which meant he was still running. Only this time he wasn’t running from a ghost. He was running from something real, and he had the nerve to look her in the eye and deny it.
“We both knew all along there was nothing to this,” he said. “You’ll go to the Galapagos, and then you’ll go to the Arctic—”
“Actually,” she confessed, “Bridget told me about a job offer and I’m taking it. It’ll start as soon as I’m ready, or it can wait until after the internship.” Ethan stared incredulously at her, causing her to trip over her words. His denial tore through the last of her defenses—I’m not that guy—but she pushed ahead. She had to tell him. She had nothing more to lose. “The job is with a travel journalist who’s writing an article about shark finning—”