1/11/2013
Other than myself, there are only 30 people here so far.
Most of them are elderly men and I doubt half will survive; their injuries are just so bad I can't help them in anyway other than providing drugs to dull the pain, and a comforting hand to hold while they die. Each death kills something inside me.
I wonder if I've sacrificed family for these dead strangers, but I can't just walk away. They need me too, and other than a little 'listening', I'll put it out of my head and go on. I haven't abandoned him. I'm just very late.
1/12/2013
We sleep in vans and buses, not enough workers for tents yet, but I have an idea for two common room set ups. When the new man, Doug, recovers, that'll be his first chore. Doug's important to me, I know it. I just don't know how yet. I found him by accident or maybe by Fate leading me?
He was trapped under a collapsed concrete bridge in a national forest near the Nevada state line. Small packs of coyotes were keeping him from escaping the crushed car and shallow water, and it's amazing he survived so long despite his huge size. Retired Army, he's one of my kind, just a little too old for what I need the most.
Doug said a tremor took out the bridge while he was crossing it, and that made me decide to start keeping track of those things too. If the temperatures continue to drop - and this is wintertime, so they should - then we won't make it to Montana before we have to hole up somewhere. That thought keeps me awake at night, even when the guilt isn't burning into me. Where?
1/13/2013
Damn, I'm tired. These people are depending on me for everything and I'm encouraging it - showing them I can handle the weight - but between standing guard at night on third shift, rescue and supply runs during the day, and camp setups and breakdowns, I'm beat. I have to get the help, the magic my dreams hinted of last night. Will Fate send me what I need?
1/15/2013
Things are becoming so much clearer! My help is out there somewhere, and I even know what they'll look like now, but where are they? If we're all descended from the same bloodline, doesn't that mean they can hear my calls for help?
We've spent the last two days in a mall, snowed in. The black flakes fell for almost twenty-four hours and left over five feet of nasty slush. I kept everyone inside until it was mostly melted. It felt evil, like maybe we would have been sickened by contact, and I really do wonder if Mother Nature might be helping mankind's extinction along intentionally. It's a crazy thought, but in this new hell, anything is possible.