And in the ending, the Master Monstruwacan perceived that I was set to
this thing, and not to be moved; and he did put it to me how that I had
grown to leanness, with so much troubling, and that I should have wisdom
to wait awhile, that I put on my full strength.
But even as I was, so would I go; and this I told to him, gently; and
showed how that the thing was meet and helpful to the safety of my soul;
for that my strength was still in me; yet was I sweeter in spirit
because that I stood lean and pure, and much poor dross and littleness
had been burned from me; so that fear was not in me. And all do I lay to
the count of my love, which doth purify and make sweet and fearless the
human heart. And because I was even as I have said, so was I the less in trouble of
the Forces of Evil; for long and sore had been my Preparation of Spirit;
and I wot that none had ever gone forth into the Darkness, so long
withholden from that which doth weaken and taint the spirit.
And here let me set down how that the Three Days of Preparation, which
were Proper to those that willed to go forth into the Night Land, had
for their chief aim the cleansing of the spirit; so that the Powers of
Evil did have a less ableness to harm.
But also it was, as I have said, that none should go forth in ignorance
of the full dreadfulness of all that held the Night; for it was at the
Preparation that there was made known certain horrors that were not told
unto the young; and of horrid mutilations, and of abasements of the
soul, that did shake the heart with fear, if but they were whispered
into the hearing. And these things were not set down in any book that
might be lightly come by; but were warded and safe locked by the Master
of The Preparation, in the Room of Preparation.
And, indeed, when I did hear that which presently I was to hear, I had
wonder in my heart that ever any went out into the Night Land; or that
ever the Room of Preparation should have other than Students that meant
not to go forth, but only to achieve some knowledge of that which hath
been done, and mayhaps shall be once again.
Yet, in verity, is this but the way of the human heart; and hath always
been, and will be so in all the years, for ever. For to adventure is the
lust of Youth; and to leave Safety is the natural waywardness of the
spirit; and who shall reprove or regret; for it were sorrowful that this
Spirit of Man should cease. Yet must it not be thought that I do uphold
fightings to the death or to mutilation, between man and man; but
rather do sorrow upon this thought.