Marcus caught hold of my arm. "You're setting yourself up for a fall, Sydney!" he said sternly. "You're going to get caught."
I pulled away from him. "I'll be careful."
"Everyone makes mistakes," said Sabrina, speaking up for the first time in a while.
"I'll take that risk." I slung my bag over my shoulder. "Unless you guys are going to forcibly stop me?" None of them answered. "Then I'm going. I'm not afraid of the Alchemists. Thank you for everything you've done. I really do appreciate it."
"Thank you," said Marcus at last. He shook his head at Wade, who looked like he wanted to protest. "For getting the data. I honestly didn't think you'd be able to pull it off. I figured you'd return empty-handed, though I still would've broken the tattoo for you. A for effort, you know. Instead, you just proved what I'd thought before: you're remarkable. We could really use you."
"Well, you know how to get in touch with me."
"And you know how to get in touch with us," he said. "We'll be here all week if you change your mind."
I opened the door. "I won't. I'm not running away."
Amelia called goodbye to me when I got into my car, oblivious to the fact that I'd just defied her beloved leader. As I drove back to Amberwood, I was amazed at how free I felt - and it had nothing to do with the tattoo. It was the knowledge that I had defied everyone - the Alchemists, the Warriors, the Merry Men. I didn't answer to anyone, no matter the cause. I was my own person, able to take my own actions. It wasn't something I had a lot of experience with.
And I was about to do something drastic. I hadn't told Marcus and the gang because I'd been afraid they really would stop me. When I got back to Amberwood, I went straight to my room and dialed Stanton. She answered on the first ring, which I took as a divine sign that I was doing the right thing.
"Miss Sage, this is unexpected. Did you enjoy the services?"
"Yes," I said. "They were very enlightening. But that's not why I'm calling. We have a situation. The Warriors of Light are looking for Jill." I wasn't going to waste any time.
"Why on earth would they do that?" She sounded legitimately surprised, but if there was one thing in all of this that I believed wholeheartedly, it was that the Alchemists were exceptional liars.
"Because they know if Jill's whereabouts got out, it could throw the Moroi into chaos. Their focus is still on the Strigoi, but they wouldn't mind seeing thing go bad for the Moroi."
"I see." I always wondered if she paused to gather her thoughts or if it was simply for effect. "And how exactly did you learn this?"
"That guy I know who used to be with the Warriors. We're still friendly, and he's been having doubts about them. He mentioned hearing them talk about finding a missing girl that could cause all sorts of trouble." Maybe it was wrong to drag Trey into this lie, but I seriously doubted Stanton would interrogate him anytime soon.
"And you assume this is Miss Dragomir?"
"Come on," I exclaimed. "Who else would it be? Do you know any other Moroi girls? Of course it's her!"
"Calm down, Miss Sage." Her voice was flat and untroubled. "There's no need for theatrics."
"There's a need for action! If they might be on to her, then we need to get out of Palm Springs immediately."
"That," she said crisply, "is not an option. A lot of planning went into getting her to her current location."
I didn't believe that argument for a second. Half our job was doing damage control and adapting to rapidly changing situations. "Yeah? Well, did you also plan on those psycho vampire hunters finding her?"
Stanton ignored the jab. "Do you have any evidence at all that the Warriors actually have concrete data about her? Did your friend supply you with details?"
"No," I admitted. "But we still need to do something."
"There's no 'we' here." Her voice had gone from flat to icy. "You do not decide what we do."
I nearly protested and then caught myself. Horror set in. What had I just done? My initial intent had been to either get Stanton to take legitimate action or else find out if she might accidentally reveal knowledge of a Warrior connection. I'd thought mentioning Trey would give me valid backup since I could hardly tell her the real reason I feared for Jill. Yet, somehow, I'd gone from a request to a demand. I'd practically yelled an order at her. That wasn't typical Sydney behavior. That wasn't typical Alchemist behavior. What had Wade said? You're leaving a trail of bread crumbs.
Was this because I'd broken the tattoo?
This was no crumb. This was a full loaf. I was on the verge of insubordination, and my mind could suddenly imagine that list Marcus kept warning about, the one that kept track of every suspicious thing I did. Was Stanton already updating that list right now?
I had to fix this, but how? How on earth did I take this back? My mind was racing frantically, and it took several moments for me to calm down and start thinking logically. The mission. Focus on the mission. Stanton would understand that.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," I said at last. Be calm. Be deferential. "I'm just . . . I'm just so worried about this mission. I saw my dad at the services, you know." That would be a fact she could check on. "You had to have seen how it was that night I left. How bad things are between us. I . . . I have to make him proud. If things fall apart here, he'll never forgive me."
She didn't respond, so I prayed that meant she was listening intently . . . and believing me.
"I want to do a good job here. I want to fulfill our goals and keep Jill hidden. But there have already been so many complications no one predicted - first Keith and then the Warriors. I just never feel like she's fully safe now, even with Eddie and Angeline. It eats at me. And - " I was no actress who could muster tears, but I did my best to make my voice crack. "And I never feel safe. I told you, when I asked to go to the services, how overwhelming it is with the Moroi. They're everywhere - and the dhampirs too. I eat with them. I'm in class with them. Being with other Alchemists this last weekend was a lifesaver. I mean, I'm not trying to dodge my duties, ma'am. I understand we have to make sacrifices. And I've gotten better around them, but sometimes the stress is just unbearable - and then when I heard this thing about the Warriors, I cracked. All I could think about was that I might fail. I'm sorry, ma'am. I shouldn't have flipped out on you. I was out of control, and it was unacceptable."
I cut off my rant and tensed as I waited for her response. Hopefully I'd given her enough to dismiss any thoughts of me being a dissident. Of course, I might have just come off as a totally weak and unstable Alchemist who needed to be pulled from this mission. If that happened . . . well, maybe I'd have to take Marcus up on Mexico.