“Well, right now my best is to stay here, with Erin, and watch over her until dawn.”
“It is an ancient tradition that those who most loved the dead remained by their beloved’s pyre from its first flame until after the first flame of dawn. I shall leave you to your vigil, wishing you to blessed be, Shaunee.”
Shaunee fisted her hand over her heart and bowed to Thanatos respectfully before turning back to watch the pyre blaze.
“You don’t need to stay, either,” Shaunee spoke to the immortal she knew was watching from the shadows. “Stevie Rae and Zoey will need you. I’ll be fine.”
“I did not like how Dallas looked tonight. He wants retribution for this death, which is impossible,” Kalona said.
“He looked sad when he lit the pyre. Maybe that’s all it is—she was his girlfriend,” Shaunee said, wanting to believe it.
“If he had truly loved her, he would be keeping vigil as are you.” Kalona said what Shaunee hadn’t wanted to think about.
“Everyone grieves differently,” she said.
“I recognize his way of grieving, and know it will turn to anger. He will lash out, trying to erase his pain with violence and vengeance.”
“Is that what you did?” Shaunee looked from the pyre to Kalona. The winged immortal’s beauty was almost as bright as the flames, though his brilliance held an Otherwordly silver light.
“Yes,” he admitted slowly. “Yes, that is what I did. That is why I recognize it in Dallas. That is also why I understand how dangerous he could become.”
“Here’s what I don’t understand,” Shaunee said. “How can losing love make you want to destroy people? When Erin and I weren’t Twins anymore I was sad and lonely. But I didn’t think about doing anything mean to her, or to Dallas, even though I didn’t think he was good enough for her.” When the immortal didn’t answer, Shaunee turned to face him, though she kept one hand raised, pointed palm forward, at the pyre, controlling her element and allowing its familiar heat to soothe the sadness within her.
“I believe your question can be answered only by each individual.”
“So, you’re not going to answer me?”
Kalona hesitated, and Shaunee could see several emotions crossing his handsome face: sadness, doubt, and even annoyance. His wings lifted restlessly, but finally he did answer her. “When I lost Nyx the only way I could bear it was to replace all the love I’d felt for her with anger. As long as I burned with anger I made myself believe loving the Goddess had been a lie.” Kalona met Shaunee’s gaze, and she thought she could see eons of misery in his amber eyes. “Maintaining that anger came with a price, and that price was violence and destruction, death and darkness.”
“But wouldn’t it have made more sense if you’d just gone to Nyx and admitted you didn’t want to live without her?”
Kalona’s smile was infinitely sad. “My pride kept me from seeing any way back to her.”
“Does it still?”
“No. It is Nyx herself who keeps me from her side now,” Kalona said.
“I don’t think she always will,” Shaunee said.
“You are young,” he said. “You haven’t lived long enough for life to kill your ability to hope.”
“Well, I don’t know Nyx as well as you do, but I absolutely believe that she’s a just, forgiving goddess. She’s proven that time after time. I’ve seen it, and I’m only eighteen.” Shaunee paused. “Maybe it’s not about how long you’ve lived, or having the ability to hope, even when things seem hopeless. Maybe it’s just about how much faith you have.”
“I do have faith, young fledgling. I have faith that Nyx forgives those who deserve her forgiveness,” he said.
“You don’t think you deserve her forgiveness, do you?”
“I know I do not.” He bowed his head slightly to her. “Stand watch over your friend. I will disturb you no longer.” Then he faded into the darkness.
Shaunee turned back to the pyre and raised her other hand. She took a step even closer, closed her eyes, and let her element flood through her, and as she did so she spoke a prayer that lifted with the smoke to Nyx.
“Goddess, this is my good-bye to Erin. I know she’s with you, and finally at peace. Thank you for loving her and taking care of her. Also, thank you for loving Kalona and taking care of him, too, because no matter what, I know you don’t just turn your back on the people you love.”
“You think you’re so fucking much better than me, don’t you?”
Dallas’s voice jolted her, and Shaunee couldn’t say anything for several moments while she controlled her element. The flaming pyre reflected her shock, and had Shaunee not focused and brought it under control, its natural course would have been to consume Dallas.
When she had her element under control again and was able to turn her attention to Dallas, the stupid kid was just standing there, smirking at her and looking like the dickwad he was, totally oblivious to the fact that she had just saved his idiot life.
“No, Dallas, I don’t think I’m better than you. The truth is, I don’t think much about you at all,” she said.
“Erin thought you were an uptight bitch,” he said.
Shaunee bit her lip instead of lashing out at him. She could have fried him with her fire, or with her words. But she didn’t want to do either, especially over Erin’s pyre. So, she thought about it for a long, uncomfortable moment, and then said the nicest thing she could think of. “Are you sure you knew what Erin really thought about anything?”
“I fucked her! Of course I knew what she thought.” He took a couple of steps out of the shadows toward Shaunee, and his smirk became a sneer. “Unless you’re tellin’ me you used to fuck her, too.”
Shaunee stared at him, too shocked by the mean ignorance in his words to know what to say.
“Shiiiiit! I knew you two were abnormally close. You did fuck her! And she didn’t even tell me. That’s a damn shame. The three of us, we could’ve had a good time.”
The flame that had been building inside Shaunee turned white hot. Her mind cleared. She trapped Dallas with one look.
“I didn’t like you when you were with Stevie Rae. You always felt wrong to me. Plus, you’re too short,” she couldn’t help adding. Then she refocused and made herself tell the truth, without name-calling or spiteful comments. She channeled fire, but instead of burning him, Shaunee scorched him with the truth. “For her entire life, Erin’s biggest desire was to find anybody, anything, who could make her feel something. You were just the last in a long list of anybodies. I understood how vulnerable and messed up she was, and I really cared about her, even after she wasn’t my best friend anymore. If you really cared about her, you’ll show it by staying here with me until sunrise and respecting her memory, even though she’s gone.”
Dallas couldn’t seem to look away from her. His eyes filled with tears and then overflowed. Shaunee thought she might have glimpsed the real boy for a second—the boy who might have actually been able to love Erin. Then he blinked and wiped his cheeks with the back of his sleeve. His lip curled. “You’re as stupid as Erin used to say you were. I can’t stay here until sunrise. I’m a red vampyre. The sun will burn me up.”
Shaunee’s element filled and calmed her. She would not return his hateful words with more poison. “You always know when it is dawn. You could stay until just before the sun rises, and then leave. I’ll wait the rest of the time with her. Erin would appreciate it.”
“I thought you said I was just the last in a long list of anybodies,” he said.
“I shouldn’t have said that—it was mean of me, and it’s not right to fight over Erin’s pyre. Dallas, I’m sorry.”
His laugh was sarcastic. “You’re not sorry, you’re weak. Erin knew that when she left you. Just like I knew it when I left Stevie Rae.”
“You didn’t leave Stevie Rae. Stevie Rae fell in love with Rephaim. She left you, and you couldn’t handle it. That’s when you turned to Darkness, and you’re still turned there.”
“Fuck Stevie Rae! Fuck all of you! Your friends are the reason Erin’s dead!” Dallas yelled, taking a threatening step toward her.
Shaunee lifted one hand. A wall of heat channeled through her, crackling between them. Shielding his face with his arm, Dallas staggered away. “You’ll pay for what you’ve done! You’ll all pay for what you’ve done!”
Stark
“That kid is gonna be hurtin’ for certain tomorrow,” Stark said as he came into Zoey’s old dorm room. There were only ten minutes or so until dawn, and he felt dragged to the ground by weariness deep within him.
“That took you forever. I was really getting worried you wouldn’t be back before sunrise,” Zoey said, sitting up in bed and putting down the book she’d been reading.
“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t just leave him all messed up like that.” He smiled at Z and went over to the sink. “Is Shaunee okay?”