“Sure.” What kind of dancing is he familiar with? The song changes to “Everytime We Touch,” covered by a band I don't know. “Do you know how do dance?” Bodies bump into us as everyone else goes wild, lost in the fast beat.
“Show me.” His head is still tipped to the side.
“You'll have to touch me.” He just blinks. I'm starting to think it's the noctalis equivalent of a shrug.
Nineteen
There isn't a delicate way to dance to this music. It's going to be close and tight and I don't think he's going to like it, but he's the one who suggested it. Before I can think about how reckless this is, I take his hands and put them on my hips, turning so my back is to him. I take one shaky breath before I find the beat of the music and move my hips.
He hesitates for a human second. Then his chest is to my back and he's moving with me. Instead of being warm and sweaty, he's cool and solid. His scent is all around me. Sharp and minty, like biting into a Wintergreen Lifesaver. It clashes with the heat and sweat in the atmosphere.
He doesn't breathe in my ear, and I can't feel the pulse of his body, but he is here. I put my head back so it bumps against his chest and go faster. He follows, as if we are one person, twined together. I've never danced like this. I've danced with guys before, but this is on a whole other planet. My body heats and my skin burns with the music, with the moment, with this contact. I briefly wonder if my sparkles are rubbing of on his shirt. Doesn't matter. I can't tell if it's the beer or him that makes me feel like this.
The song ends, but we keep moving. I shouldn't be surprised that noctali have great rhythm, so we keep going until a new song clicks on. We're lost to time and space; bodies mesh around me, lights flicker. It is stuffy and hot, but I suck it in, letting it flow through me like electricity.
A sound that isn't music makes me pause. I swear it's a hiss in my ear. The hands on my hips vanish. I spin around, hoping he's okay and knowing he isn't.
“What is it?” He's still behind me, but he's far away, listening to something I can't hear.
“I need to go.” He looks down at me, eyes unblinking in the smog, no visible sweat on his skin, but with my glitter everywhere. I like that something of me has rubbed off on him.
“Why?”
“I must go. I will see you later.” He slips through the crowd. I reach my hand out as if I can bring him back. I'm jostled around by the rest of the enthusiastic dancers, and I can't breathe.
“I thought you told me there was nothing romantical going on,” Tex yells in my ear. She's got another drink in her hand as she batters her way though the dancers.
“There wasn't,” I yell back.
“Oh really? Then what was with all the brown chicken, brown cow?” Her eyes light up and she yanks me in for a hip bump. “Tell me about it later. Let's dance!” I have to laugh at her as she drags me to a free space. The music takes over me again, and I have to move. I can't stop looking over my shoulder, hoping he'll be there and wondering what the hell happened.
I dance a little longer with Tex and go to get another drink, the buzz from the first one wore off too fast.
“Your face is all red,” Tex says. My ears are ringing from being so close to the speakers for so long and my voice is hoarse from having a yelled conversation with her while we were dancing.
“Is it?” I'm not sure if it's the dancing or the alcohol. Probably both.
***
Ivan took a trip to the south. He'd always had an affinity for the desert. The vastness. The emptiness. I was relieved when he left, but knew he would be back. Someday. Before he went, he warned me about the promises we made and what breaking them means. He would be all too pleased if I broke mine.
Which was why I didn't answer her messages. Somehow her desperation seeped through the blocky, emotionless letters. It was for the best.
I lasted several days without answering her until she messaged me about a party. I only considered for a moment before I messaged her back. She gave me the address and I took my shirt off, holding onto it so I wouldn't lose it.
The house wasn't hard to find. The music blared for miles, the smell of so many bodies packed into a small space so attractive and delicious, I wondered if I would be able to control myself.
She was dressed in a gold tube of material that barely covered her skin. Golden powder clung to her skin. Her green eyes reached out to me through the dark.
Mine.
The moonlight shattered over her skin and her blood pumped faster whens she saw me. The adrenaline seeped from her pores, scenting the air with her smell.
She smiled when she saw me and introduced me to her friends who sensed my otherness. She seemed confused, unaware of how unusual her reaction to me was.
The close bodies in the room and the smell of sweat drove me to distraction. I wanted all of them. If I could have, I would have ravaged the whole house. Left it littered with bottles and bodies, the stereo still pounding. Instead, I watched the glitter on her shoulders as she moved. I'd never seen so much of her skin exposed before. So many sweet places. She turned her head and I glimpsed her neck.
I asked her if she wanted to dance. So I could touch her and smell her and want her. I got a thrill out of the wanting.
I'd watched enough of the modern dancing to see how it was done, but I hesitated. I wanted to seize her, but I let her decide.
I had never let a human decide.
She took my hands and turned her back to me. The music was fast, like a racing heart. I could hear hers racing over all the others in the room. I hadn't been in a room full of people in twenty years. I kept my focus on her as I slid my hands onto her hips. It was the first time I'd touched her like that.
She cranked her hips with the beat, and I fixed mine to her back, moving with her. I lowered my head so I could smell her hair.
It was a million times better than running. It was better than flying. It was running and flying and feeding all together. There was only her and her hips and her breath and the glitter in her hair, on my hands, everywhere. She was everywhere. If I had saliva, my mouth would have watered. If I killed her than this will never happen again. Her life would be gone. That was what I wanted, more than her blood. This.
I was so lost in her, I almost didn't hear it. A sound that didn't fit with the party. It was Ivan, running through the woods a mile away. He'd followed me. A trap. I couldn't let him have her.
I told her I had to leave. Took my hands from her burning skin. Stunned, she let me go.
He was waiting for me outside and asked me why I was there. I didn't respond. He asked me if I cared about her. I was silent, because I couldn't answer that.