“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m no longer allowed to have a personal life,” he responded defensively. “I wish someone would have told me that I’m not allowed to have a fucking life at all because I sure don’t remember seeing that clause in any of my contracts!”
I stood there, motionless, listening to him shout in the hallway. My pulse quickened and my hands started to tremble, knowing I was the reason for his defensiveness.
“Fine, then if that’s the case, inform the studio that I’ll pay for my own security. Do that, ‘cause I’m not living in lockdown anymore. I can’t… deal with it.”
He sighed. “Why? So I can have more of my clothes mysteriously disappear? I’ll do my own laundry. I don’t want strangers touching my clothing - it creeps me out.
“I’m pretty sure she knows what she’s gotten herself into. The paparazzi have been onto her for weeks and that was before we were seen together publicly.
“I don’t care what the media says about me. The only person I’m worried about, the only person I care about is Taryn.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m staying focused. They’re getting a quality performance.” Ryan was irritated. “I’ve seen all the dailies – they look great. Kenneth hasn’t said a word to me about it; I would hope the director would tell me if he had concerns!
“Are you kidding me? If they want to discuss things with me, then they can come here. No, you listen to me, David. I’ll fucking walk away before I let anyone dictate my life. I’m pretty sure I can live quite comfortably on the twenty million I already have in the bank.
“I’m the one trying to be a professional here! She’s probably pissed that she can’t just knock on my hotel room door to get my attention anymore.
“If the third movie sucks then I suggest they start pointing their finger in the proper direction. I’m regretting ever signing on for this project. Yeah, I know David. All right.”
I dumped the clean load of white laundry onto the bed – a reflex to make it look like I wasn’t listening intently. He stopped in the doorway and leaned on the frame with his arms folded across his chest.
I didn’t say anything. I knew he was upset. I think he sensed I was too. How else could I be?
“I know you heard my conversation,” he said softly.
“I’m making things difficult for you,” I whispered, fighting back my tears of guilt.
“No,” he said, shaking his head to disagree. “You’re the only thing that’s keeping me sane.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” I said somberly, diverting my attention to separating the laundry.
Ryan stepped to my side and took his socks out of my clenched hands.
“Do you love me?” he asked emphatically, his eyes piercing. His fingers lifted my chin. “I mean really love me?”
“Yes! Yes I do,” I stated, looking directly into his eyes. “With all of my heart.”
A smile touched his lips.
“You know that my life is anything but normal. So I’m going to ask you one more time. Are you sure you’re okay with this – me staying here with you?”
“Are you allowed to stay here?” I half expected him to say no. “Will they allow it?”
“I’m a grown man. I’ll do what I want.” He rubbed my arms.
“You’re breaching your contract,” I said, assuming it was in the fine print somewhere.
“They are required to pay me and assure my safety and comfort. I’m not going to let them own me. Taryn, I want to be with you, if you’ll have me.”
His mesmerizing blue eyes stared straight into my soul, searching for my reaction.
“I’ll make some room so you have a place for your things.” I kept my tone low.
“Taryn, that’s not what I asked.” He snatched me gently by the wrist.
Overwhelming guilt was rolling in on me now.
“Ryan, I want you here more than you can ever imagine. But I also know that there are reasons why you are kept hidden and guarded in your hotel room. I’m afraid that if you stay here, then everything the studio has arranged for you will be jeopardized. You already have enough stress because of me.”
“Because of you? Are you serious? Why do you keep saying that?”
I shrugged, wondering why it wasn’t blatantly obvious to him like it was to me. “The trouble with Suzanne, and now with your manager and the studio people… not to mention the things that the tabloids will print about you being with me. That surely is going to cause problems for you. I don’t want to damage your career, Ryan!”
He laughed at me. “Oh, Honey! You are not the cause of my stress. And all the press about our relationship is doing the opposite of damaging my career, so please stop thinking that way! Sweetheart, you are the only thing keeping me from jumping off the roof!”
I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t care about any of that. And I’ll hire my own security team if it ever comes down to it.” He shrugged. “Regardless, that’s not for you to worry about.”
I looked at him, slightly shocked. “Despite what you say, I will worry about it. Anything that troubles you troubles me.”
He sighed heavily.
“Taryn, I think you realize by now that being involved with me comes at a hefty price. I told you before it was difficult for me to have any kind of relationship, and all of this bullshit is why. I hope and pray that in a year or so when I’m done with this trilogy and move on to other projects that this craziness will die down. But right now, it is what it is. Security teams, secrets, lies, hiding, insane schedule, it comes with the territory. It’s my life.”
He took my hand in his. “My crazy life is going to become your crazy life. It’s happening already. Are you willing to put up with all the craziness and nonsense and love me anyway?”
I did not hesitate with my reply. “Yes, absolutely,” I breathed out. “What about you? Are you willing to do the same? Put up with all the nonsense to keep loving me?”
“Absolutely! Without question!” He grinned.
Ryan’s warm hand brushed across my neck, pulling me in for a kiss.
It was almost seven o’clock when Pete called to inform me that they were parking almost two blocks away since my street was quite busy.
Ryan and I waited in the dark bar for our friends. I didn’t want to turn the lights on and give the paparazzi any reason to wake up prematurely.