“I’m tired,” I told her and rolled over, trying to find that sleepy place where I could see, touch and talk to him.
“I don’t know what else to do. I tried. Scarlett, it’s your turn.” I vaguely heard Jude whispering though my haze.
“What makes you think I can get her to snap out of it?” Scarlett asked as I reached out for Dylan’s pillow. I could still smell him there. A mixture of his cinnamon spiced body wash and a scent that was all his.
The bedroom door creaked open a little more and the click of heels echoed on the wooden floorboards.
“Babe?” Scarlett questioned. “Time to eat. We’re all getting damn worried now.” Her voice was stained with a sadness I couldn’t understand. I shook my head and buried it into Dylan’s pillow, inhaling him as far into my lungs as I could.
“Haven.” She sat down on the bed behind me, brushing my hair off the side of my face. “It’s been a week now. You need something to eat. You need to have some kind of food.”
“I just don’t want to,” I told her in a muted throaty voice. “I just…it hurts.”
“I know, babe. I know it does,” Scarlett responded, understanding behind her words. She lay down behind me and wrapped her arms around my broken body, acting as a shield, trying to soak up some of my agony. The moment she kissed my temple, something in me broke apart. Wretched sobs racked my body as I fell apart. My brittle heart unable to cope with the comfort she tried to offer.
The only difference…I wasn’t completely alone.
I didn’t have Dylan, but I did have family who loved and cared about me. I cried and sobbed. I let it all out and when I thought I was almost done, another round hit me again. Fat salty drops ran onto the pillow beneath my cheek, drenching the fabric that was once unmarred. Scarlett lay there with me, trying to silently hold the last pieces of broken together.
Eventually, after what felt like hours, I cried as much as my brittle body could handle and fell back into a restless sleep, joining Dylan in my made-up land of happiness.
I stirred and rolled over. Mace had taken Scarlett’s place and was cradling me against him like he used to when we were little and I’d skinned my knee.
“Hey, pretty girl.” He winked down at me. “You’re awake.” I tried to talk but my mouth was sticky and sealed shut with dried-up saliva. He reached over and passed me a cup of water from the nightstand, pushing the straw toward my mouth. “You slept for another two days. I think your mouth might resemble kitty litter.” Mace winked, trying to joke with me.
I sipped down almost the entire cup of water and pushed it away. My head was pounding and my body felt tightly wound and sore.
“Want something to eat yet, midget?” he questioned, using my childhood nickname from him.
“Not really,” I answered honestly, stretching my underused vocal chords out.
“Too bad. You have to eat. Big brother’s rules,” he said matter-of-factly, leaving my no room for argument.
“Jude,” Mace called out, his booming voice making me jump slightly. “Haven’s ready to eat.”
“On it!” Jude called out from the general vicinity of the kitchen. In an instant, I heard plates and cutlery clanging about and the smell of tomato and cheese drifted though my cracked door.
My stomach took that moment to growl and make its distaste at being empty known. “That’s what I thought.” Mace smirked.
“Dinner,” Jude said in a hushed tone as he pushed through the door carrying a tray of food. He walked over and placed it on my lap, carefully adjusting it so the glass of juice wouldn’t tip over.
I looked at the pile of meatballs, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich that decorated the serving tray and felt my stomach growl again. Funny thing was I didn’t feel hungry. It was as if my body had forgotten the basic things it should need to do. I picked up the spoon and scooped up some of the warm red liquid, the aroma of basil and tomato drifted into my face with the steam. Sipping it gently from the metal utensil, I looked up to find both boys watching me with far too much interest.
“Are you both going to watch me eat now?” I asked, wondering what in the world they were doing.
“Yes,” they answered in unison. I didn’t have the energy to tell them off or argue, so I simply sipped more soup and let them have their way.
I ate as much of the cardboard tasting food as I could stomach and laid my head back against the headboard behind me. “I’m sorry,” I told both of them, and no one specifically. “It just—”
“Nothing to be sorry for, princess,” Jude cut me off, saving me from hashing out how I was feeling. I watched him as he took my tray and shuffled out of the room quietly.
“He’s not left your side for a second,” Mace told me when Jude was out of earshot.
“He didn’t have to stay,” I replied, feeling badly for Jude. It couldn’t be easy on him, watching me grieve for Dylan.
“He knows that, but there was no possible way he was going to leave you.”
The room fell into a comfortable silence. Mace watched as realization dawned on my features. These people loved me enough not to let me fade away too. I smiled meekly. “Thank you,” I muttered. “You all…I just…”
Mace put his hand on my arm. “Shh, it’s all good, Midget. We got you covered.”
For a week and a half I’d been lying in bed sleeping, yet it felt like it was just a few hours. I realized just how lucky I was to have such caring people around me. Never would I forget that again.