"Oh Just James, that's why I love you! You care so much it's flattering. But don't you see? I have to kill myself! Well, sort of. How else can I enter the Halloween parade as Ms. Dead America? A living Ms. Dead America poses a credibility problem?"
"Fuck you Shannie!" I cried. Shannie laughed.
That's how Shannie Ortolan snookered me into her project for Beyford's Halloween parade. She reintroduced me to the drawing she completed the previous spring. "That's why I asked you about that little putz," She was referring to Steve Lucas. "At the time I thought he was my only in for getting a real coffin. We could use our wooden piece of crap, but it'll cost us first place. I talked to Marcy at school. She say's it shouldn't be a problem to borrow one, as long as we return it the same night."
"Where are we going to get the money to rent tuxes?"
"There's a costume shop in Squaw Valley. They have the style I'm looking for. Twenty bucks a pop. Diane and I will jew them down." It was just like Shannie to have everything handled. As the Halloween parade approached a crises arose when one of the pallbearers dropped out. "What his excuse?" I asked.
"What does it matter? I don't have time for excuses, we need another pallbearer or we're history!"
"Count." I said. Shannie had resisted asking Count because of his height. In being true to her competitive edge, she felt Count would hinder our chances. "The coffin has to be shoulder-borne. He's a foot taller than everyone else. It won't work." she complained.
"You're too anal," I said. "Do you really think anyone else put as much thought into this? We're competing against kids in Smurf costumes. If we don't drop the coffin we're a cinch. Ask Count, you'll have your six."
For one of the few times, she capitulated to my argument. "Okay, you win. Count is in. But only because we're running out of time."
To stir the pot I called Shannie the night before the parade. "Bad news Bug."
"What now?" she asked with an edge in her voice.
"Count copped an attitude about you waiting to the last minute, he backed out."
"That prick! " She screamed into the phone.
"He feels insulted." I covered the phone's mouthpiece. I was trying not to laugh.
"I'll call you back!" Shannie hung up.