"You don't know my wife," father grinned.
"Her screams - horrifying," he shook his head. "Seeing her like that, all that blood." Floyd snuffed out another cigarette. He pushed ashes around with the cigarette butt.
"You had good intentions," father said.
"We know where they lead." Floyd lit another cigarette before recounting the story. "The funeral director and I were standing outside the viewing room, we heard Mary's sobs. Didn't think anything of it." Floyd paused if viewing the scene. "Then we heard that thud. Her muffled screams. We ran inside. There she was," Floyd said. He took another drag. "Her rear end up in the air and her head caught inside the casket. The lid had trapped your mother. She was stuck, her head against his chest. The horror. The blood, it was everywhere. He took another drag before asking: "Did they shave much of her hair?"
"Most of it," my father said poker faced.
"Horrible," Floyd paused. "Joe, I've seen and heard a lot, but Mary's curses embarrassed me." He took another drag off his cigarette, exhaled, took a deep breath and said, "Forgive me if this is an inappropriate question at an inappropriate time, but I need to ask, man to man. Will she make good on her threats?"
"What threats?" my father asked.
"She said she would sue me to hell and back. Joe, I have a small congregation, and even smaller treasury. If she sues, I'll - the church will be ruined."
"She's venting. Don't worry," my father lied. "It'll pass."
"Thanks Joe." Floyd said. I hung my head.
"That Son of a Bitch minister is out to get me," mother claimed the morning of the memorial service. We were on the way to Shepherd of the Hills Non Denominational Church.
"How so?" father asked.
"What do you think? He's Daddy's patsy! He's trying to stop me from doing what is just and moral! He's trying to stop me from burring Daddy's ashes." Years later I learned she was on to something.
"You're ridiculous," father said.
"Ridiculous? I ended up in the hospital over this! Do you think it's ridiculous that I have to walk around half bald?" Her spittle coated the windshield.
"Thinking Floyd tried to hurt you sounds as ridiculous as your bald spot looks," Father said.
"Your mother's an asshole," Shannie railed during our nightly phone conversation. "I can't believe she's bringing his ashes back. Bury them in Fernwood? Geezus Pete, he never lived here! He didn't even like it here! She'll want to exhume them when your dad gets transferred."