"You're close Her name ends in -nie."
"You sure it's not Jenny?" I asked my tormentor.
"I'm sure." Sitting up in her chair she said. "Read my lips, her name is, Shay-knee."
"Shay-knee, Shay-knee," I repeated - willing myself to remember.
A few days later, Diane asked me the name of the girl in the picture. "Ja.." I began. "Ah, it's something knee," I mumbled. Then Diane performed a miracle, in her hand was a cup of coffee. She undid the lid and ran the cup under my nose, filling my senses with the smell of freshly ground coffee. "Shannie, Her name is Shay-knee."
"Shannie." I took another whiff.
After Diane left, as I lay on the edge of sleep, I reached for the cold cup of coffee that she'd left behind. After struggling to pop off the lid, I inhaled. Memories of Shannie washed over me like a warm shower. I fell asleep with the image of Shannie and me standing in the base of a huge tree, our backs against limbs so big that they could have been trees themselves.
My father's visits were never as dramatic, nothing fantastic ever happened. He was just there. I can say that there was never any bad feelings around him. He was the embodiment of calm. He seemed at peace with himself and his environment. I could relax in his presence. He calmed me, especially if I had a rough day. He always seemed to appear after a rough day. I never imagined the staff requested his presence after such a day. His presence was like a sedative.
He visited after the mother of such days. It was Halloween. Leading up to the grand morning, the staff insisted over and over that I help prepare for the upcoming party. "Fuck no," I answered. "I'm not a third grader. Ask the other speds. Leave me the hell alone!" Everyday, some staff person would invite me to help. Everyday, I'd tell them to shove it.
I was certain that the nurses and their aids were out to drive me insane. They were doing a good job. "Goddamn it! I'm not helping. I'm not a sped and this is a sped thing to do!"
The morning before Halloween, a cute nurse that I had a crush on pressed me. "Quit being such a party pooper. Why don't you join the fun?"
"I swear, if anyone asks me again, I'm going to piss on someone's cornflakes." A scattering of patients in the dayroom chuckled.