Bray swore Dixie had a crush on me. He’d been saying that for years. I didn’t know why as Steel was her age and he was popular in their grade. I knew that if she showed any interest in him, he’d jump at the opportunity to make her his.
Something made me stop the truck in the middle of the road, put it in park, and look back at Dixie Monroe. I knew that pulling into her drive and walking to her wasn’t a good idea. I wanted to join her, to hear her laugh and watch her smile, to simply be near her for a little while, but I knew better.
Instead, I chose to sit here in my truck. Let my presence communicate all I couldn’t say. That I saw her. That I wished things were different. But for both our sakes, it was best that I stayed in my truck. I was too old for her. And nothing could change that.
I figured one day, once we were both adults, the three years between us wouldn’t matter anymore. But would she be in love by then? Maybe planning on marrying someone from around here. Or would she go off to college and meet a guy there? Would we ever get a chance? I didn’t like thinking I’d never get one.
Dixie’s gaze was locked on my truck. I remained parked on that dirt road, opening my door and stepping out of the truck to lean against it. With nothing between us but darkness and only moonlight making me visible to her, I crossed my arms over my chest, and just watched her back.
For once, I let my thoughts drift to all the “what ifs” I never allowed my mind to entertain. I wondered what Dixie was thinking in that moment. She didn’t move and she didn’t look away. Many girls had tried to change me, but I knew that only Dixie was the girl I’d change for. The only girl I’d ever need.
When she stood, her sudden movement jerked me from my thoughts. Our watching game was over. I’d wanted her to stay there longer. Make this moment between us last for as long as it could. But I knew it shouldn’t, as innocent as it had been.
For a second, I thought she was going to walk to me. Part of me wished she would, although I had no idea what I would say if she did. Words weren’t necessary during this perfect moment between us. But she didn’t come to me. She just raised her hand, gave me a little wave, and walked inside her house without looking back at me. I waited until her bedroom light came on, and only then got back in my truck and drove off. Something happened between us that night, something shifted, and even though no words were exchanged, we both knew things would never be the same.
Dixie Monroe
I STOOD ON the porch looking out. I could only see the roof of the Sutton house as it was on the other side of the hill. But I knew it was there because I often stood here and let my gaze settle on that tin roof. Memories still haunted me, breaking my heart over and over again as I let myself remember.
When I’d bumped into Steel last August outside the grocery store, I dropped my bag and the contents rolled free, causing both of us to scramble to catch them. When Steel grabbed a can of soup and handed it to me, the smile on his face was so similar to Asher’s that it caught me by surprise and took my breath away.
Steel had been in my grade during school. He was the Sutton boy I should’ve been drawn to, but he hadn’t been. Asher was all I could see. From the time I turned thirteen and he had given me a ride home from school in his wonderful old pickup truck, I’d been completely consumed by him.
He didn’t feel the same way, of course. I was too young for him then. But we’d still grown up running through the same fields and swimming in the same swift creek. He was my friend, even though he was older and the most popular boy in town.
That entire year I’d worshipped him from afar. When he asked if I needed a ride, I always said yes. Then that summer before the ninth grade, my body had decided to change.
My first day of high school, Asher became my shadow. If any guy even looked my way, his mere presence had them scurrying the other way. I loved it. Although I hadn’t understood why he was doing it.
It wasn’t until October of the year I turned fifteen that he made a move. Asher Sutton backed me up against his truck and placed his hands on both sides of my body. I knew it was all about to change. When his lips touched mine, my body lit like a firecracker, and we were inseparable after that. He took a football scholarship at the local junior college instead of going to a larger school just so he could be near me. He said he’d wait and that he could always transfer to somewhere else when I graduated.
But that didn’t happen. None of that happened.
One night he was loving me, telling me he wanted me forever. The next day he couldn’t even look me in the eyes. And he never told me why.
The crunch of gravel under the tires snapped me out of my trance. I’d let myself be carried away by the memories, as I always tended to do. I squinted against the glare of the sun. Steel’s white truck was coming down the drive. He was here to tell me Asher was home. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. When Asher came home for Christmas, I was in Oklahoma at my grandmother’s. I didn’t have to face him then. But now, if Asher was home, I’d have to face him with Steel. I wasn’t ready for that, and I doubted I would ever be ready.
The truck stopped and I watched as Steel jumped down from his jacked-up raised vehicle. He looked good in his worn jeans, but no one compared in my eyes to his older brother. And I hated myself for it. Steel didn’t deserve this. Not when he had been so good to me.
“Hey,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel as Steel walked up the steps. His serious expression was fixed on me and it made me fearful of what he had come to say.
He ducked his head a moment and sighed, before looking back at me. “You already know, don’t ya?” But he already knew the answer from the look on my face.
I nodded.
Steel released another deep sigh and stuck his hands in his pockets. “I ain’t seen him yet. Bray called to warn me he was here. Asher knows about us. Bray told him, Dixie.”
He knew about us? I had a million questions to ask at that moment: why Bray had told him, what he had said exactly, how Asher had reacted, whether he was upset. But I didn’t ask any of them.
“Okay,” was all I could say without betraying all I was feeling.
Steel took one more step toward me, standing now only a few inches from me. His light blue eyes were the same as Asher’s, but the golden hue of his hair was fittingly different, matching his boyish optimism, even though he wasn’t looking all that optimistic at that very moment. “Both of us are gonna have to face him. Bray don’t think he’s leaving soon and I don’t want him to. I miss him, you know. I want him around. I know Momma wants him around too. And I think he needs us, Dixie. So, this thing between you and me,” he said, with a grin tugging on his lips, “is something he’ll have to deal with. I think he’s gonna be okay. We just need to get it over with. You both need some closure.”
Closure. For the past three years, Scarlet had been saying the same thing to me. But I didn’t even know what closure was. If Asher suddenly told me why he stopped loving me, would that actually make it better? Would I then be able to move on? Or would it make it even worse? That wound might never heal, but at least now I knew how to pretend.
“Come on, baby,” he said, reaching out to take my hand and tug me gently to him. “He’s my big brother, I want this to be okay with us . . . and also him. Because I love the both of you.”
“You go spend time with your brother. We will deal with bringing me into things after you’ve caught up. I don’t want to cause anyone to be uncomfortable,” I replied, hoping to buy myself more time to prepare for the inevitable.