“You smile a lot now,” she mumbles into my chest.
“Yeah, sweets, I do.”
“Does that mean you don’t miss Daddy?”
I tighten my embrace before moving my hands under her arms and moving her body so that she can see my eyes.
“No, honey. I miss your daddy a lot and I always will, but the way I miss him is different than it was then. When he went to heaven, I missed him so much that all I could see was how much I missed him. I got lost for a while, baby, and I couldn’t remember the way. You gave me my smiles, smiles so bright that you helped me light up the way then and you still do, but for a long time all I could see was your smiles but not the way they wanted me to go. Those smiles made me happy even though I missed your daddy and because I missed your daddy so much, I thought a lot of sad things for a long time. But, now Mommy can see again. I can see my way that I had lost for a little while and, little bird, it’s a beautiful path, so full of beautiful flowers, rainbows, and blue skies forever and ever. Now I can hold your hand and we can run through the flowers together. But, even while we run we can still miss Daddy. We just miss him in a different way.”
“That sounds nice, Mommy.”
“Yeah, honey, really nice.”
“Will Leelee be with us when we run through flowers?”
My smile grows and I look into her very hopeful gaze and with a lightness I haven’t ever felt in all of my years, I tell her, “Yes, Molly. He’s going to come and run with us through the flowers and we’re going to chew bubblegum and be stuck forever.”
Her eyes light up and her face is the picture of joy.
“And we can have lots and lots of tea parties and makeupovers when we run in the flowers!”
After our talk, she went back to her snack and talked about Lee all afternoon. I let her know that he would be over for dinner later and I didn’t think she would ever come down from that high.
Which brings us to now. My daughter, so full of eagerness over the night, that even with her favorite show on television, her eyes are glued to the hallway that leads to the front door.
I look at the clock, for the hundredth time in seconds, just as the front door thumps and the bell echoes through the house.
Molly’s head snaps up and with wide, happy, eyes whispers, “He’s here,” before scampering off my lap, elbowing me—twice—in the ribs, and running as fast as her little legs will take her to the door.
“Molly, don’t open that door until I’m there!” I yell, coming off the couch quickly.
“Too late,” I hear and my nerves flutter like a million butterflies in my gut, rooting me in place.
“Mommy! Mommy! Leelee is here . . . and, and . . . and HE HAS FLOWERS!”
A head to toe tingle starts taking over my body. My lips curve and I move forward with the largest beaming grin on my face.
I walk forward and around the wall that separates the living room from the front door and stop dead at the sight that meets me.
Lee is holding my daughter in his strong arms while her face—bright with the happiness she is feeling—is stuffed into a small bundle of light pink roses. I look from her with wonderment to Lee’s arm that isn’t holding her tight to see another bundle—this one much larger—of more roses.
I don’t move.
His brow tips up and I know he’s wondering if he overstepped. This big, confident man that has gone after me with steadfast determination, is actually unsure and that has my feet moving before I can even process a single move I make. When my body hits his, the force of which I clearly didn’t process, he rocks back slightly before his arm comes up and wraps around my shoulders. I reach out and pull my arms around both him and Molly, then shove my head into his neck.
“If you brought bubblegum, I swear I’ll cry right now,” I mumble into his skin before both Molly and I laugh so hard he has no choice but to hold onto us both a little tighter.
“SHE ASLEEP?”
Megan drops down to the couch and curls into my side.
“Yes, finally. However I’m pretty sure she isn’t sleeping heavy since she is still riding her Lee high.”
I laugh, “Lee high?”
She comes up with her elbow pressed to the back of the couch and her hand against my chest, “Yes! Apparently the ‘Lee high’ is just as intoxicating to her as it is to me. This isn’t funny,” she snaps when my head goes back and I laugh. Hard.
“Darlin’ that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard. Lee high,” I chuckle.
“Whatever,” she gripes, moving her body to rest against mine again.