“You have nothing to hide from me, Megan. Not your body and not your thoughts.”
“Okay,” I gulp.
“We need to talk, darlin’,” he tells me softly, his eyes searching.
“I know.”
“Do you want me to start?”
I nod and he gives me a quick kiss before adjusting our bodies. When he’s done, my back is to the mattress and his large body is covering mine. He keeps his weight off, but still manages to make me feel like I’m covered head to toe in his strength. Our legs are tangled together, his body turned slightly so that, even with me fully in his arms, his hips are on the bed next to me. One of his arms goes under my body at my shoulders and the other hits right under my chest, his long fingers wrapping around the base of my breast. His face dips into my neck and he gives me a kiss before pulling back and looking into my eyes.
“You gave me a lot of heaviness last night. Pain that you’ve carried for a long time, darlin’, and I know that has to leave you hurting. Honesty here, complete honesty, it cut me to the bone to hear what’s been weighing you down for years, Megan. It’s a pain I don’t mind, if it means you’ve unloaded some of that weight for me to carry. What I need is to know where your head is.”
He waits, his unwavering patience with me so clear in this moment.
“It’s gone,” I whisper, my eyes never leaving his.
“What is, baby?”
“The pain.”
His eyes close and the arms holding me go tight.
“I have a lot of years thinking one way, that won’t go away over night, but what you said, about Jack, hearing that and letting those thoughts roll through my head all night . . . you’re right. Every memory I have of him, before and after Molly, there isn’t one that he isn’t over the moon happy. Even though we didn’t share a love that was built conventionally, I can see it now. He was my best friend and he made my life a better place as a child and as my husband.”
“He held the world, darlin’, no doubt in my mind about how he felt.”
“He would love you.”
“Yeah?”
He settles and I roll slightly so that I’m about to look into his eyes, our bodies now facing each other.
“It’s hard, because I will always miss him and I would never wish Molly away, but had my life taken a different turn and I met you . . . he would have been our biggest cheerleader.” Reaching up, my hand cups his jaw. “He always wanted me to live a life better than what we were born into. He saw it for himself, but I couldn’t, not for the life of me, see beauty coming from that. He would joke that one day I would walk right into a new life and I would be too busy living in my head that I would miss it until my ass hit the ground. Lee, you pack a mean punch and I think my ass still feels the sting of the ground.”
“You see it now, huh?” He looks deep into my eyes and blinds me with that smile.
“Yeah, baby, I see it. I see everything that I couldn’t see before. Everything.”
“I won’t let you go, Megan. I waited and I knew the second that I saw you that this was it for me. Do you know how hard it was to keep my distance and wait for you to be ready?”
“I’m still scared,” I tell him honestly.
His body moves closer and I move into his body until my arms wrap around us and I feel him completely.
“You get that what I had with Jack was something that, when I lost him, almost destroyed me?” He nods and I continue in hushed tones. “That almost destroyed me and the way I feel toward you, even this early, I know it’s so much more powerful.”
“It’s not early, Megan. I’ve been here, picking away at your walls for almost two years.” He laughs but it holds no humor. “If it hadn’t been Dani and Cohen’s wedding, it would have happened not long after. You were weakening around me every time I was near and it was only a matter of time. We’ve spent enough time together that you know what you feel. It’s never too soon when you’re sure. We didn’t just meet on the streets. We’ve been building this for a long while, darlin’.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not scared, Lee.”
“I know, but we’ll get there. Together. You just have to take my hand and let me take care of your heart.”
I nod, not trusting my voice right now.
“Almost done. Can you handle more?”
“I’m okay, Lee. I really am. Last night was hard, but I feel free of that pain. It just stings a little.”
“First, before we finish this up. You need to know that you never have to keep Jack from me. You shared a life with him and he’s a part of you and a part of Molly. I want you to be able to come to me and know that I will never, not once, turn you away. He gave you a good life, baby, and he should never be kept in the dark.”