He sprang up suddenly and leaned against the mantelpiece, hands in pockets as usual; and in that position, looking down on his friend as he sat in his capacious chair, he outlined once again the happenings of that bygone Indian dawn.
He related the affair shortly--it was not a subject on which he cared to dwell; and the clergyman listened thoughtfully, his sunken eyes fixed on the pale face beneath the clustering black hair with an intentness of regard which would have disturbed anyone less engrossed than the narrator of the sad little story.
When he had finished Anstice moved abruptly.
"Well, that's the truth--and now you see that those statements made about me are the most insidious form of lying--with a good foundation of half-truths. That's what makes it so infernally hard to refute them."
"I see." Carey loaned forward thoughtfully, shielding his face from the flames with his thin hands. "It is a pitiful story, Anstice; and if you will allow me to say so I admire and respect a man who can live down the memory of a tragedy as you have done."
"I have lived it down--yes," said Anstice, rather grimly. "But it's been jolly hard at times not to throw up the sponge. Several people have suggested--discreetly--that suicide is quite justifiable in cases of this sort, but----"
"Suicide is never justifiable." The clergyman's delicate features stiffened. "From the days of Judas Iscariot--the most notorious suicide in the history of the world, I suppose--it has been the refuge of the coward, the ingrate, the weak-minded. People talk of the pluck required to enable a man to take his own life. What pluck is there in deliberately turning one's back on the problems one hasn't the courage, or the patience, to solve? Believe me, suicide--self-murder--is an unthinkable resource to a really brave man."
He stopped; but Anstice made no reply, though a rather cynical smile played about his lips; and presently Carey went on speaking.
"It always seems to me such sheer folly, such egregious lunacy, to precipitate one's self into the unknown, seeing that one can hardly expect the Giver of Life to welcome the soul He has not called. And I have often wondered what depths of misery, of shame, must overwhelm the uninvited soul in what someone has called 'the first five minutes after Death.'"
His voice sank to a whisper on the last words; and for a moment the room was very still. Then Carey leaned forward and laid one hand on the other's arm with a rather deprecating smile.