Worth It

I woke to Knox’s angry snarl. “What the hell, Pick? Why is she crying in her sleep? What the fuck did you do to her?”

I didn’t realize I was still crying until I felt a tear slip down my nose.

“Just calm down, man. I don’t know quite what happened, but from what I gather, Reese and Mason told her what was on that video.”

Silence.

I sniffed and opened my eyes, but I didn’t have the strength to sit up just yet. I watched Knox shake his head and back away before murmuring, “I thought they said they hadn’t watched the whole thing.”

“Well, apparently they saw enough to affect Felicity this way.”

“Motherfucker.” Knox reared back his arm and slammed a fist into the wall.

“There goes our deposit,” I mumbled as I struggled to push myself upright.

Knox whirled to me and took in my face before his expression crumpled and he clutched his head in his hands.

Pick came to me, his hand outstretched to assist me. “Hey, kiddo. How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got run over by a truck.” I glanced at a turbulent Knox and turned back to Pick. “Thanks for getting me home, but do you think you could...?”

When I shifted my gaze toward the door, he nodded and patted me on the shoulder. “Yeah, just take care of yourself.”

As he turned away to leave, neither Knox nor I spoke. Even after the door closed and we were left alone, we still didn’t say a damn thing.

Finally, Knox surged from the statue-like position he’d been stuck in and paced the floor from one end of the room to the other. He blew out breath after breath, trying to regulate his breathing, and failing. Then he sent me a sharp glance and rumbled, “How much did they tell you?”

I shrugged one shoulder. “Enough.”

“How much?” he ground out.

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. I didn’t want to repeat any of it. But then I realized I’d be just like Knox if I bottled in it. So I said, “They told me three men jumped you in the laundry room of the prison. They caught you, dragged you across the floor, and while two of them held you down and beat on you and stabbed you, the third one raped you.”

A choked sob came from Knox’s throat. He began to pace faster, but he said nothing and refused to look at me.

I hugged myself and sniffed as more tears fell. “When you finally broke free, you stabbed all three of them in return to get them off you, killing two in the process. And then, after the threat was over, you collapsed. The guards found you some time later, but you were so bad off they thought you were already dead. And the only thing you said to them was...my name.”

“Son of a bitch.” He swung out and punched the wall again. “I thought they said they didn’t watch everything.”

“Mason did, I guess.”

He glanced at me, his eyes swirling with anger. “Fucking bastard. I’m going to—”

“No.” I said, my voice quiet. “I asked them to tell me. Demanded to know what they’d seen. This isn’t on them.”

“Jesus, City. Why the hell did you have to know so bad? Why?”

I shook my head. “I just...had to know.”

“No, you fucking didn’t. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to ever have to deal with shit like this. It’s too ugly and—”

“I don’t care. Good or bad, it’s a part of you. And you’re a part of me. I had to know.”

His shoulders slumped as defeat crossed his features. Falling to his knees on the floor across the room from me, he withered. I thought he was going to cry, too, but he only gritted his teeth until his face went purplish red.

“Don’t you get it?” he rasped. “This is exactly why I’ve been pushing you away since I got out. Because you’re not a part of me any longer. Hell, I’m not even a part of me. I’m just some wasted shell of space who won’t stop breathing. And I can do nothing but hurt you. There’s this stain on me. I’ll never get it out. It takes control and I just get...I get so fucking mad. I want to destroy everything around me. I thought maybe I could tame it, but no. Christ, just look what I’ve done.” He motioned to the dent in the wall. “I’ll never be the Knox either of us knew. And we both have to deal with the fact that he’s gone. For good.”

“No.” I shook my head. “That doesn’t have to be the case. You might have grown and changed, but, Knox—” When I started to stand and reach for him, he lifted his hand and shouted, “He’s dead, goddamn it. That Knox is dead!”