Without You

Right before I reached it, Will opened it. “Hey, beautiful.”

My heart skipped a beat, and my stomach dropped at the sight of him. I loved him so much, but I knew I had been pushing him away. I couldn’t deal with the fact that he knew Blake had touched me. Lying in bed at night, I would wonder if Will thought any different of me.

He reached for my hand, and I began to panic. We were going to be alone in the clubhouse. Will would surely want to make love.

Am I ready?

Yes.

No.

I closed my eyes, and I took in a slow deep breath. I gently blew it out as I opened my eyes and took a step toward Will. He took my hand and led me through the door. When I walked in, I sucked in a breath of air. White lights were draped across the ceiling, and a few candles were lit. On the floor, a picnic basket and a bucket with a huge bottle of water were sitting on a blanket.

I giggled as I looked at Will. “Water?”

He smiled the smile that took my breath away as he nodded. “Yep. Since we’re both driving this evening, I thought it would be best to play it safe.”

I shook my head and walked over to the blanket.

“Sit down, Lex.”

I sank down to the floor as I watched Will move about, taking care of a few other things. He finally sat down and picked up a remote. He pressed a button, and Colbie Caillat’s “Stay with Me” began playing. I smiled as Will gave me his panty-melting smile back.

My heart started beating faster, and I began chewing on my lower lip to calm my nerves.

What if he goes to kiss me and then thinks of Blake’s hands on my body?

“My mom made her famous hummus that you love so much,” Will said as he began taking food out of the basket.

We’re just eating. That’s all. Just eating.

Will and I ate and talked about simple things—what Will was helping my father with on the ranch this summer and how him and his dad were making some office furniture for a lawyer in Austin.

“So, your dad said you’ve been riding Banjo a lot,” Will said with a smile.

I grinned back. Something about my horse always kept me calm. I would feel safe when I was with Banjo.

“Yeah, I’ve missed him a lot this past year. I’m thinking of taking him to A&M next year.”

“That would be awesome, Lex.”

I smiled and nodded my head as Will began cleaning up.

Once he finished, he reached down for my hand. “Dance with me, Lex?”

“Still Fallin’” by Hunter Hayes began playing. I stood up and let Will pull me into his arms. We danced for a few minutes, and I felt so safe in his arms.

“I love you, Lex,” he whispered before kissing my neck.

His hot breath did things to my body, and I let out a small moan.

I need him. I need his touch.

“Lex, I want you.”

My mind was going in a million different directions. As much as I wanted to be with him, I was afraid of what he would think of me. I knew that he knew what Blake had done to me.

“Will…” I whispered.

He reached down and picked me up. He carried me to the bed, and he gently laid me down on it as I attempted to push my fears away.

“Lex, I’m going to make love to you.”

I closed my eyes as I felt him unbutton my shorts. I lifted my hips as he began to pull my shorts and panties off.

“So perfect and beautiful,” he said.

My eyes snapped open, and I looked at him admiring my body.

I’m not perfect. I’m tainted. He touched me. He violated me.

Will gently spread my legs apart.

The moment he touched me, I screamed out, “Stop! I can’t! I can’t!” I instantly began crying.

Will jumped off the bed and away from me. I frantically began searching for my shorts and panties. I slipped them on as Will just stood there.

“Lex, I didn’t mean to push you into…I mean, I thought you wanted me to…I thought that’s why you wanted to come here.”

I wiped my tears away and grabbed my keys. “I just need time.”

I turned to open the door when Will grabbed my arm.

“Lex, stop pushing me away. Why are you pushing me away?”

My head was spinning, and all I could see was Blake’s body over mine as he reached his hand inside my pants.

Oh God, make it go away.

I swallowed hard. “I’m…I’m no good for you, Will.”

His mouth dropped open. “What? Lex, what in the hell do you mean? You’re my everything. You mean the world to me.”

I shook my head and pushed him away from me. “No, he ruined it.”