Wilder

I wavered, and not a slight sway, an earthquake kind of waver. “You haven’t even apologized. When you’re sorry, you’re supposed to apologize.”

He grimaced. “I can’t apologize for this because I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry about how I got you here, or for putting you in this suite. I’m not sorry about getting you to tutor me, or even putting you on the zip-line. I can’t regret a single thing that brought us here, brought me to you.”

As he walked toward me, I stopped retreating until he stood a breath away, his hands on my face. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have regrets. I’m sorry for every time you were hurt on my watch. I’m sorry for every time you doubted yourself, every time I tried to hold back from you, because we could have had so much more time. I’m sorry for making fun of your travel wallet when it saved my ass. I’m sorry that I didn’t find you when we lived miles apart, before either of us became so jaded that neither of us believed love like this was possible. But mostly I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I loved you from the moment I realized it, the moment my chest thought it might burst from it. The moment I thought I almost lost you on the ramp, or the way you called me out on my bullshit in Istanbul. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in Mykonos when I found that missing piece of my soul inside you. But mostly, I’m sorry I didn’t say it back when you were brave enough to tell me that you loved me, because I wasn’t. Because I knew that the minute I let myself feel this”—he pulled my hand over his heart—“and you realized what I’d done, that you’d leave, and I’d be destroyed. All I have are shitty examples of how love turns out. Please forgive me. Show me there’s another outcome.”

“Paxton,” I whispered, unable to say anything else. Maybe it was enough. Maybe the circumstances that brought us together meant nothing in the long haul, and that what counted was the way we loved each other now. Maybe Rachel didn’t matter, the lies could be forgiven, and it was…possible. But I’d never know if he truly wanted me, or if he saw me as the lynchpin to Landon’s happiness.

A knock sounded at my door.

“Don’t answer it,” Paxton begged. “Whoever it is can wait until we get this settled.”

But I needed the breather, the space to think. I broke our quasi embrace and walked down the hall, Paxton on my heels, like he was scared I’d walk out before we finished.

The knob twisted in my hand, and I opened the door.

I gawked.

“Well, that’s some hello, nice to see you,” Rachel said before flinging her arms around my neck and pulling me into her familiar hug. “Thank God I found you. I saw this video on Instagram last week, and I knew I had to get here. Do you have any idea how many calls I had to make to get on the ship a week early? Or how many flights, for that matter? They only let me do it because second term starts at the next port and I told them I needed the same adjustment time the other students had gotten. I have to talk to you.”

She pulled back, cupping my face in her hands, concern lancing through her almond-shaped brown eyes as she saw tears in mine. “I’m too late, aren’t I?”

“I don’t…I don’t know,” I answered, unable to string anything else together. Instead, I stepped back enough to open the door full width. She was beautiful, average height, but always toned, her body the kind of perfection that Paxton was surrounded by daily. Her black hair had new purple streaks in it, just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the no-holds-barred way she expressed herself. She was my polar opposite in so many ways, which was why we were such great friends, why I could see why both Landon and Paxton had wanted her. I’d always admired her, but never felt inferior to my best friend, and this sucked.

“It’s okay,” she promised, but then her mouth dropped as she looked behind me.

I sidestepped and braced my back against the wall. Then I watched every nuance of Paxton’s face change from shock to cringe-worthy acceptance. “Rachel.”

“Wilder,” she said, swallowing. She looked between us. “Oh…oh God no. No, Leah, no. He’ll eat you alive. I’d hoped the video was wrong. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her glare whipped toward Paxton. “You made her sign an NDA, you cock-sucking asshole.”

A wry grin twisted his lips. “As I recall it wasn’t my co—”

“Paxton!” I snapped, throwing my hand over his mouth. The asshole kissed the palm and gently pulled my hand away, refusing to let go when I yanked.

Rachel’s eyes hit the floor before she composed herself. “Let me know when you’d like your biggest mistakes thrown in your face, Wilder. I’m happy to oblige.”

“I’m kind of living that moment right now, but thanks for the offer. It’s always good of you to fuck up my life at opportune moments, but hey, at least the X Games don’t start next week.”

Rachel flinched. Oh God, he’d found out right before the X Games? And he’d still medaled. I couldn’t decide if I was impressed that he’d kicked ass even after having his heart broken, or if he had a heart to break. You know that’s not true.

I silenced my conscience. “This is getting us nowhere. Rachel, I’m so sorry but I’m a little off. I just found out about you two.” I shook my head. “You three. Whatever. Of course I’m glad to see you. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see anyone.” Then I looked up at Paxton. “I need you to leave.”