When You Were Young

Even in his imagination she turned on him at this point and said, "There you go again, telling me what to do. You're the same as you were three years ago."

He didn't have anything to say to this. "I'm not," he could say. But wasn't he trying to run her life just as he'd done three years ago while taking that potion?

"You don't understand," he wanted to tell her. "I want all of us to be happy. I want what's best for us."

"What right do you have to decide what's best for me or for the girls? Who are you to decide these things?"

He could go on at length about the logic of all his plans. He got what he wanted-going to Cal Tech-and she got what she wanted-to start a new life with him-so what was the problem? This made sense for all involved.

"It's not a science equation," she would tell him.

This he supposed was his problem. He analyzed these situations as if through a microscope. He tried to apply logic and reason to illogical, unreasonable situations. A woman, even one as smart as Samantha didn't follow the dictates of logic and reason. She followed her emotional compass.

The only logical solution then was to accept and embrace the illogical. Samantha's loyalty to her cousins outweighed her desire to follow him. Her anger about his attempts to plan everything out outweighed her love for him. In the face of such powerful emotions, what could he do?

He didn't know. By now he realized he was walking along the highway towards Seabrooke. Even if he got a ride, he didn't have much chance of finding her. She wouldn't go somewhere they frequented like the dress shop or the antiques store where her friends worked. She wouldn't go to the boat. She would find a secluded place to think and cry.

He stopped walking. Finding her was probably not a good idea right now. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to hash this all out in her mind and cry out her feelings. If he found her right now she'd almost break his arm like before. When she came back tonight for the party, she'd be willing to listen.

If only he knew what to say. He turned away from the highway, climbing uphill into the forest. The developers had wiped out much of the wilderness around the area, but there were still pockets of ancient trees and wild brush. He found a shady spot beneath one of the ancient conifers and started over again on his appeal to Samantha.

"I'm sorry I hurt you and so thoughtlessly disregarded your feelings and opinions. I was wrong. I was stupid. You have to forgive me, please, because you're all I have. Without you I don't have anything. We'll do whatever you want. I won't go to college if you want. I'll go live with the Amish if you want. Tell me what to do and I'll do it," he said out loud. This might sound too desperate, but he was desperate.