When I'm With You

“I just wanted to warn you that you might be coming home to some pretty high estrogen levels and all that.”

“What’s wrong with Nikki?”

“All I know is that Seth cheated and they broke up. I told her to meet me there. I figured I could feed her ice cream and wine, the normal post-breakup comfort foods, and then see what else I could get out of her.”

“Sounds good, baby. I’ll stop by the grocery store when I leave here in ten. I have your back.”

I laugh. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to regret encroaching on a scorned woman’s emotional breakdown time.”

“Pfft. Don’t doubt me, woman!”

He hangs up as my laughter booms around the cab, and by the time I pull up to his house, I’m actually looking forward to helping my friend if only for the reason that I know Nate has no idea what he’s getting into.

“AND THEN SHE JUST KEPT bouncing around on his dick like it was the next best thing to sliced bread. Just bounced and bounced. I really was worried that one of her fake freaking boobs was going to pop!”

“What did Seth do?” Ember asks, her voice low and comforting. My eyes keep pinging back and forth between them, trying not to focus too long on Nikki for fear of my life when she gives me one scary ass look.

Nikki doesn’t even notice Ember, though. She’s too far gone remembering walking in on her man fucking some chick. I shift when she gives me another squinty-eyed look of contempt just because I have a dick.

“He didn’t do jack crap because his hands were tied to the bed!” she screams, still looking at me as if she would carve my eyes out with the spoon she’s eating her ice cream with.

You would think that she would be thankful; I mean I did stop by the grocery store and buy them ten different flavors of ice cream, but nope. The second I walked into the house, she looked like she wanted to murder me along with her ex.

“So,” I start, attempting to make my excuses and escape into my bedroom with some SportsCenter, but I snap my mouth shut when she stabs the air with her spoon. I watch Bam follow the utensil helplessly hoping that something, anything, will fall to the ground for him before looking over at Ember and praying she has the answers as to how I can get out of here.

“Would you let some hoochie tie you to the bed?” Nikki questions me with an evil tone.

Again, I look at Ember. I’m not really sure the truth right now will help my chances of getting out of here alive. She just winks and I know I’m on my own.

“Uh …” I clear my throat. “No. I would not. I’m more of the one doing the tying in this situation.”

Ember stifles a giggle before Nikki can notice, but I don’t miss it. She’s going to pay for that later.

“You would tie up some hoochie?! You son of a Cher!”

“Huh?” Son of a Cher? Good God, this girl is strange.

“Ember! Did you hear him? He’s just like all the other ones. Just thinking about his dick and some hoochie.”

“Actually,” I interrupt, and she jerks her eyes from Ember to where I’m sitting. I briefly consider all my points of exit options that I have and figure no matter what, my legs are longer, and if it comes to it, I have no problem running like a little titty baby from this spoon wheedling woman. “I never said I would tie up some ‘hoochie.’ I just meant that when it came to being tied up or doing the tying, I would be doing not receiving. And the only woman I’m going to tie to my bed is here,” I finish in a rush and point over at Ember.

She gives me a big smile, distracting me for a second, but a second is all that was needed. I feel the spoon hit my forehead before falling to the hardwood in a loud clatter.