When I'm With You

His fork falls on his plate and he looks at me with awe.

“What?”

“Good God, woman, don’t tease me.”

“Promise, even my dad says so. I’ll make it for you tomorrow, er … I mean some other time. If you want, that is.”

He reaches out his hand, his face going soft and his smile growing big. “Tomorrow sounds good, baby, but you’ll have to bring it by Dirty. I need to get some paperwork done, and Shane won’t be there to cover for the night.”

Baby?

Oh.My.God.

“I can do that,” I squeak.

“Good, it’s a date.”

“A d-date,” I stutter.

He just continues to smile, and even when he picks up his fork and continues to eat, that smile never leaves his lips.

Of course, the one on my own never left either.

AFTER THE LAST POT WAS dried, I grab Ember’s hand and pull her into the living room. She stumbles at first, and I hate that she is looking at everything I do and trying to figure out what game I’m playing. I saw it in her eyes earlier when I told her we would make a date out of dinner at Dirty tomorrow. It was written all over her face when I started the pasta, and then again, when she admitted she didn’t understand why I was there.

She was justified in her thoughts, I muse as I drop down on the couch and pull her down to sit on my lap. I fucked up and I’m just now beginning to see just how much.

“Ask me,” I stress, shifting her so that she is sitting sideways with her back leaning against the armrest and put one arm over her shoulder to twist one of her long locks of hair around my fingers, while my other hand comes up and rests over her fiddling hands, halting her movements.

“Ask you what?” Her eyes widen, and I watch as her chest starts to rise and fall faster with each breath.

“Ask me what I was thinking when you told me that you loved me the first time.”

She jerks in my arms, and I fight back the groan when her weight rubs against my swollen cock. I tighten my hold on her with a squeeze of the hand that is holding her two captive and pull her closer to my chest.

“I can just tell you, but I need to know that you actually want to hear it.”

She sighs, and I know she would rather be saying anything else right now, but she does it. “What were you thinking?” There’s a slight tremor in her soft melodic voice, and I say a silent prayer that she doesn’t start crying. I’m not sure I could handle her tears.

“I was terrified out of my mind. I had been fighting my feelings for you well before you turned legal. It didn’t matter in my mind that you were finally eighteen; there was still a gap between us that wouldn’t have been easy for us to overcome right then. You were still finding yourself, and we both know that I needed to stop being a punk and grow up. I had been drifting, content in life, even though I had dreams that no one knew about. Dreams that I’ve only now made a reality.”

She continues to search my face as I speak. I pause to collect my thoughts, pulling her hands apart and clasping one of her tiny hands in my larger one. She sighs and I take a deep breath before continuing.

“That wasn’t the only reason, Em. I had some stupid fear in my head that pain always comes with love. I watched some fucked-up shit happen to Dani only months before, and seeing how lust, love, and all the feelings in between can turn sour real fast, I let that fear rule me. But I also knew, even if you didn’t see it, that there was no way us being together wouldn’t cause issues within our families.”

“It wouldn’t have,” she rushes out quietly.

“Yeah, it would have. I wasn’t the same man I am today three years ago. I needed to wake the hell up and make something of myself. I can tell you, the man I was then wasn’t worthy of you.”