When I'm With You

“I can’t believe you’re letting her go party on her twenty-first,” Seth chimes in.

“Letting her go?” Nikki questions with a harsh tone.

“Yeah, letting, Nic. I remember how wild things got at mine. Fuck, dude, there were strippers that—”

“I probably wouldn’t finish that sentence.” Levi laughs.

“No, please … tell me all about the strippers, Seth,” Nikki sarcastically drawls, leaning back in her seat after placing her fork down and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Seriously? What’s the big deal?” Seth looks clueless as to why his girlfriend is pissed, which is sad.

“The big deal is that you probably shouldn’t be talking about the strippers you had that night when your very pissed girlfriend, the same girlfriend you had three years ago during said birthday full of skank happened, is sitting next to you.”

Levi and I burst out laughing at Nikki’s smartass response. They continue to fight and I soak up Levi’s attention as he gives me a soft, chaste kiss before returning to his meal.

Nikki pushed me toward Levi almost two months ago. I’m not sure what made me say yes, but I knew it was largely in part to the loneliness I was sick of feeling. Our first date was great. We had dinner at a local Mexican place before following that up with a movie. He left me a few hours later with my first front porch kiss experience. He was easy to be with and the relationship progressed from there.

I say relationship loosely because lately, he’s been acting so weird. I think the only thing that Levi really cares about having a relationship with is his gym membership. A few other little things lately have also been making me question if being with him is the best thing for me.

Nikki and Seth continue to bicker, and I look over at Levi as my thoughts darken. He doesn’t notice my attention, which is also something I’ve noticed a lot of lately.

He looks like such the boy next door. All-American type with the looks that could probably put him as the front cover model for J. Crew or something, but underneath is a simmering anger I’ve only recently been privy to. He wasn’t always like this. When we first met, he was amazing, and I really had high hopes that he would be someone worth exploring a relationship with. But I’m not sure what to do with this new easily angered and controlling side of him.

“Are you excited to hit up Nate’s place?” Nikki asks me, clearly done fighting with her boyfriend since she’s now taking a big forkful of her own pasta with a look of pure pleasure. She doesn’t notice that her question has now caused a dark cloud to settle over my side of the table.

“Who is Nate?” Levi asks her in a hard tone. His question might be directed at Nikki, but the anger is all for me.

“A friend,” I tell him, ignoring him much like he’s been ignoring me for most of the evening.

“What kind of friend?” His words come out sharp and forcefully.

I shrug and keep chewing. I look up when I see Nikki stop her fork’s upward path to her mouth; the utensil paused halfway to her mouth as she looks at him with wide eyes, not used to seeing this side of him.

I take a fortifying breath for patience and turn so that I’m looking at him. He’s so handsome, even when he’s pissed. His blond hair is cut short, but long on the top. His blue eyes are narrowed, but that just makes the sharp edges of his facial features stand out more. Add the tan that I’m pretty sure he gets with the help of a tanning bed, and he really should be making my heart beat with desire.

But it doesn’t.

Because it only does that for the man I can’t have.

Yet another reason I can’t keep dragging this on with him. It’s very clear that I’m just not feeling like a girl should when she’s in a relationship with one man, but still in love with another.