What's Left of Me

I make my way up the aisle. There’ll never be the perfect time to say your goodbyes or pay your respects to the person you planned on spending your life with, but I know I’ll regret it later if I don’t do it. It takes all my strength to move one foot in front of the other, making my way closer and closer until I’m in front of her. Kneeling in front of the casket, I reach inside to rest my hands on hers.

I start to tremble as I try to find my words. My mouth opens and closes multiple times before the lump finally settles, allowing me to find my voice.

“Aundrea, if I could just see you smile one more time. Hear your voice. Your laugh. I think I would be able to try and move forward. I would do anything to go back in time to get just one more second with you. To touch your lips for just one more kiss. To hold you one more time in my arms.

“I promise I will always treasure the time we had. I will cherish all the memories you gave me. Most importantly, I promise to do what you asked of me. It won’t be easy, but I will do anything for you. In this life or after. You, Aundrea Leigh Jackson, are my soul mate. I will see you again. I love you forever and for always.”

I begin to shake uncontrollably with sobs. I feel arms come from behind me, wrapping me tightly in a safe embrace, soothing me. I swear I can hear her all around me, saying my name, telling me it’s okay—saying she loves me.

“Parker?”

My eyes fly open at the sound of her voice. My body is soaked and the sheets are clinging to me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my cheeks, mixed with the fresh taste of tears. My chest feels so tight, and I can still feel the lump in my throat from crying.

“Aundrea?”

“Shh … I’m here. I think you were having that dream again.”

It’s haunted me since the day Aundrea told me about her heart condition. This dream has become my fear.

My worst enemy.

My nightmare.

“Aundrea,” I say her name again with a sigh, pulling her petite frame closer to me. “I just need a minute. I need to hold you.”

She wraps her arms around me, snuggling closer as she speaks softly into my ear, “I’m here, Parker. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

Yet.